Which works best for you Mums? Going out to work or staying at home?

Question

From personal experience, what works best for you? Just curious because I'm at home full time ( husband works full time, we have 4 young kids ) and although I'm happy most of the time, I often envy Mums who go out to work and have an 'adult life'. I know that most Mums just do the best they can under their own circumstances, but which makes you happiest?

Answer 1

HI there, I am first time mum to my 9 month old son. Prior to 'parenthood' I was a typical career woman with a well paid senior role. When I first went on maternity (although my son was very much wanted) I could not imagine the thought of giving up my career. However nine months on I have no notion of going back to work in that senior role. I understand what you mean about envying those who have an 'adult life'. I miss the silly things like putting my suit on every day and having people depend on my knowledge. I have to say though I would not give up my days with my son for anything. Being a full time mum is the lowliest paid job I have ever known (it's for free!) yet the most rewarding. There is plenty of time for you / me to get your career back but you will never get the chance to stay at home with your kids again. You are doing the most important job in the world! xx

Answer 2

Well I had to give up a good job after my second and then number 3 was an oops, but a very welcome one.

At first it was very difficult. I have been independent for so long that it was a big switch. It's been hard financially as of late, but I wouldn't trade a moment for the world.

Sometimes I feel left behind in the business world, but when I think of the stress and the pace of it all, I don't think I could do it again. So I make ends meet doing odd jobs from home when I can and I tell you, I think I am more business savvy now juggling a family that I could run a corporation without batting an eye if someone would give me a chance.

I did miss the adult company but find that you can strike up conversations with a lot of people in passing, and I don't really care who thinks that is odd or eccentric (because I find most people are conditioned to be what society expects them to be and few really know their true selves) so in that aspect, I'm happy to be amongst this class of people that lives life a little differently than the rest of society around us. I consider it a privilege to be able to do so.

When life ends I don't want to be remembered for how many pieces of paper flew across my desk and how many purchase orders I processed, etc...I want to know that my kids thought the world of me and that I helped others and did something for the community. So I don't get paid for it, it's still work of another form which has much higher rewards than money.

Answer 3

I am a career mom and I prefer it that way. I tried staying home for five months and I said "no way". My kids are 10 and 6. My sex life got worse because I was stressed out by the end of the day. My husband started treating me different too. Kind of like I was "expected" to do kid stuff, cooking, and house chores without his help. Plus I wasn't getting enough of that intellectual stimulation while staying home with the kids. I love my kids to death and they always say I'm the best mom ever. It seems they appreciate me more when I'm not with them every waking moment. Plus, I make more than my husband, so I don't have to walk on egg shells if I want to purchase something.

Now, having 4 children would have forced me to stay home most likely. Daycare for 4 kids would be astronomical. But, as soon as I could have, I would get back into the work force.

Answer 4

Well I have 3 kids, all under 6 and my youngest 2 are still in diapers. I was a stay at home mom for about 2 years and decided it wasn't for me. My husband liked me staying at home but I was VERY unhappy. I had no social life. No adult conversation during the day. All I did was change diapers, feed them, bathe them and pretty much be at their beck and call. Not to mention the house chores. And having a husband that was very demanding and wanted his breakfast, lunch and dinner served to him on a silver platter. Then having to ask for money every time I needed or wanted something. Ugh.

I decided enough is enough. I found a great job, I've been here about a year. I started off as a receptionist and have since then gotten 2 promotions. I'm now training to be an operations manager. I am so much happier now that I have my own life versus just slaving over everyone. It's great. I love it!

I am 25 years old and I am finally figuring out who I am as a person. I'm finally coming out of my shell. It is definately what I needed in my life.

Answer 5

When my kids were little I stayed at home (childcare fees for 4 kids!) I loved being able to go to school plays, help out at playschool etc but I longed for adult company, brain stimulation and money! When the youngest started school, I worked for a year or so part time, so i was still home for when they got home from school. Then I went to University, so I was home some days and out some days. When the youngest was in high school I started working part time and this has increased to full time over the years. Ive been lucky in that my job changed according to my needs. I think kids need you more full time when they are younger, but later on you can take more time for yourself. I now feel that I have been a good mum cos I was there while they were growing up, so we are very close, but Im now a more 'rounded' person with a life of my own. Im too busy too have empty nest syndrome etc. There is more to life than being a mum, but its great to be one.

Answer 6

We have 3 kids all at school now. I went part-time when 1st born, when 2nd was 1 year old I became full time Mum and was a big career person before this! I loved being at home. I then had a 3rd child and when she was 18 months my husband packed in work to become a house husband and I went back to full time work as I wanted that adult life again and he was stressed out in his job. What I think worked for us was a parent at home all the time or a grandparent with the kids and we both appreciate how hard being a housewife/husband is as well as working too. I don't regret putting my career on hold for my kids. They grow up too quick. We have been broke for years, but now they are all in school hubby works school hours/term-time. What is important to me is that I don't have to worry about them if I need to work late. It works for us.

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom for now (in Canada we have a 12 month maternity leave) but I am planning on going back to work part time this spring.

Many moms who have full time jobs envy your for your ability to be with your children all day and be there for all their precious "firsts"

I do empathize, though, some days I really really need to talk about things more grown up than daipers! I joined a soccer team which was a lot of fun, it was a way to get out of the house and be with adults.

Answer 8

Hi. I'm a stay at home mom of two while my husband works full time. I've tried working full time, part time, and stay at home. I'd say that by far I enjoy staying hom, but at the same time, it's the hardest work EVER! It never ends, you don't get any breaks or lunches, there's no room for advancement, and you're lucky to sleep long enough without being interupted. But, I'd neve change it. I do envy having an 'adult life' just like you. In order to keep sane I have to call a babysitter or family member and get some time to myself. Even if it's just grocery shopping! :)

Answer 9

I enjoyed working and had a great career, and I loved being home with my son. I went back to work when he was 18 months old, and he drowned when he was 2 after a babysitter left him alone in the tub for a minute. Looking back I wish with all my heart I had stayed home with him and enjoyed every minute I could with him. If I am blessed with another child some day I will not work.

I can understand envying the "adult" life; I did it too. But as they say, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." Good for you for thinking of your babies.

Answer 10

Sometimes the money gets tight but I like being at home with my two boys (we have third coming in July). When I had to work I was miserable, it never got better. I cried each and every day and at each and every break time. I do miss havng an adult life sometimes too. I just wish that I had more friends that would come over and talk or play cards or something at night when the sprouts are in bed (around 7:30).