When drugs are more important than love?

Question

I am at my girlfriends house now, its her birthday. Our relationship is good except that she used to like to do drugs & I really hate it, it really hurts me that she does those things to herself, she used to do it to be happy, but says with me she is happier than ever. She is sick today with a cold, so we havent gone out 4 a meal with her family, and we havent gone anywhere ourselves, but when her friend calls and wants her to go over and smoke pot, she wants to go. I said I still didnt like it and now I said I cant be with her doing drugs, it hurts too much, and she said that I dont know her, she wont give them up and so now between us we're broken up. I love her so much and cant believe that this is the reason we are splitting, as she wants to do things that she knows hurt me. It is the ONLY thing Ive ever asked of her, and I do the very best I can, I love and support her and do everything, above and beyond. And now I lose out to drugs. Someone please help me, my heart is breaking x

Answer 1

i'm guessing she is down because she's sick so she thinks drugs are the best way to feel better...she can't think straight when she needs drugs and maybe that is why she chose to go and smoke some pot over being with u...if u care about her try helping her one last time...it will be easier for her to quit doing drugs if she knows she has your support!try working things up with her and then tell her u are concerned about her...tell her u love her and that u can't watch her ruining her life(cause drugs will do that eventually if she keeps taking them),and tell her u will be there for her whenever she needs u...make her realize that when she has a problem she shouldn't turn to drugs she should turn to u!if this doesn't work she really doesn't wont to be helped,and there's nothing u can do for her and your relationship...

Answer 2

That is so sweet, well the fact that you are so concerned about your girl. I mean usually its the guy that's into drugs than girls. I was kinda going through the same situation. My boyfriend finally gave up on that. Talk to her and if she doesn't give up on that then she doesn't love you. I mean love is powerful than drugs. Try talking to her give her much help. I know she may be stubborn but she will probably realize that she did something wrong when you leave her. She will then realize that you really loved her, and wanted to help her. It's not your fault though I hope things get better between you two. Give her a choice it's either you that makes her happy or drugs. Goodluck with everything and it's nice to know that there are guys that are like that.

Answer 3

Drug addicts are very self centered people. Their drugs will always come first their love life and family will alwyas be a distant second. If you threanted taking their drugs away they will not go around you.I feel for you my sister was a drug addict and the only time she ever knew that she was hurting everyone around her is when she was jailed and had to stop using. She wrote a poem about her addiction it was really good we posted it on her website that we deciated to her. Please check it out http://www.ken.malott.com/bridget/bridget.html . You might have to cut and paste. anyways she died from an overdose last year after a 18 year long battle with drugs. She started off just smoking pot then ended up on cocaine. You will always lose out to drugs.I hope you find another girlfriend but if you chose to stay with her . do not take her chosing drugs over you personal. they all do it. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

Your in an awful position right now, because you love this girl and want things to work out, but I will tell you from experience, if she is hooked on drugs, it will only be up to her to quit. No matter what you do or say to her, it won't matter. Until she opens her eyes and sees how much damage she has done to herself and how much shes lost during her life because of these drugs she will never quit on others behalf. It will be hard for you, but you need to give her up, it's easier said than done, but imagine what awaits you in the future. There is always someone else out there that will compliment who you are and will love you just as much as you love her. Life is to short to suffer over someone else who only cares about drugs.

Answer 5

Just remember that this actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. She has to want to do it for herself;wanting to stop for you will only cause her to resent you. She probably does love you but until SHE believes she's good enough without drugs and strong enough to stop, she won't. I say back off on the relationship part & just be her friend. Hold her hand when she needs strength but do not cave to her whims. What she needs is someone who really believes in her & does not want anything (including a relationship) from her.
Allowing yourself to be held prisoner by her drug problems only makes you a co-dependent.

Answer 6

You are in a terrible situation one i know all to common, i don't think my ex is ever going to quit, and since i don't do drugs that made the relationship very unstable, you won't want to hear any of these answers. I can tell you love her very much, the only thing i think of is do what you know is right. I'm sorry, this isn't going to be easy if you stay with her and it's not going to be easy if you stay broken up sometimes i think love is one of the most cruelest things in the world but everyone seems to want it. I'm sorry wish i could fix this but i can't. take care of yourself.

Answer 7

Ive been in both those situations,
I used to smoke pot every day and my boyfriend at the time hated me doing it. He argued all the time with me about it. I just really enjoyed myself and didn't want to give it up or give into him, so I continued doing my thing and we eventually separated.
I have since given up after having kids, but am now with someone who smokes pot and now I argue all the time with him.

You cant make someone stop smoking if that's what they want to do. You will always loose to drugs ADDICTION IS ADDICTION

Answer 8

Sounds to me like you've got to make a decision: her as she is, or you without her. It's a tough one, my friend. If you cannot change to tolerate her lifestyle or if she will not change to encompass your preference, then you may need to say good by.

It's not easy, but it IS possible to love her without spending time with her. A couple of my ex-girlfriends left me (for non-drug reasons) and although I was pretty upset about it both times, they are now two of my closest friends.

Let me remind you what Spock said in the Original Series Star Trek episode season two "Amok Time" (but popularly remembered as "Spock in Heat"): "There is a difference between 'wanting' and 'having'. It is not logical, but it is so." (That may not be precise, but it's pretty close.) (This episode written by the late, great stf writer, Theodore Sturgeon.)

Go ahead and love her all you want. But remember how many psychiatrists it takes to change a light bulb; just one, but the light bulb really has to WANT to change. She will only resent you if you try to change her when she doesn't want to change.

Answer 9

it sounds like she needs to go to rehab. She has a serious problem and it might be more than you can handle alone. I'm sure she loves you but shes just so hooked on the drugs she cant control herself. if she doesn't improve then you need to move on, you deserve better than that.

Answer 10

Sorry, but If she is choosing drugs over you,Then she is not right for you. Love between couples is the best drug and nothing beats it in my opinion. Sorry man but I really think she is not right for you. Lose her