BACKGROUND: we have been dating a year. I go to school everyday from 9-5. He works full time at a law office from 9-5 every day. We see each other every Saturday into sunday. (il drive these and sleep over, or he'll drive here and sleep over. We talk every night sporatically on AIM, and that late at night, we'll talk on the phone for about 1/2 and hour.
He said lately he wants space, he wants to be together, but wants not to feel obligated to talk on the phone every night, and not obligated to see each other every week.. he said i am needy and that just needs to be "him" and be indepedent. he said he doesnt want to break up, he wants to marry me one day, but that he needs his space. he needs a life outside of me, and that he "hollymoon" stage cant be forever, because that is lust not love... he said he has hobbies he wants to do like work on doing an DJ album ad writing a book. he said that he needs time to himself to play video games and relax.
what should i think...
2007-02-16 08:16:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think that if you only see each other on the weekends, that he has plenty of space. I don't see why he needs more. Tell him that you respect the idea of him wanting to have time to do things by himself, but if you two want to have a meaningful and successful relationship, you do need to talk sometimes. Maybe you don't have to talk on the phone every night, but it isn't fair of him to ask that you only act like a couple on the weekends.
2007-02-16 08:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where's your hearts desires,hobbies, feeding the ducks, going to the movies by yourself sometime, read a book, go to church. Do ya'll ever see each other during the week? If not why????If ya'll are in love with each other it should never end. The passion and NOT just the sex, I said passion should never end either. I hope he loves you and I hope his passion for you hasn't died because without that its over sister ! Besides why can't ya'll play video games together and relax at the same time? Don't like them eh???You have to have a marriage BEFORE the honeymoon is over. Is he ALOT older than you? Sounds like a homebody which there is nothing wrong with a homebody as long as they still have that passion gig going on. I'd leave him alone for awhile and let him miss you. Maybe he'll realize what he had if you become a little scarce but DON'T let him know your doing it or he will BOLT and attack your integrity. Try it for a week or so and if he loves you he will miss you.
2007-02-16 16:31:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably don't need to talk EVERY day, but it doesn't sound like you really see each other all that much, so what space does he need? If he says you're 'needy' that's a bad sign. If you want to stay with him, you need to not answer every time he calls - so he doesn't think you're waiting around for him. Go out with some friends, join a gym, get a hobby. The more independent you seem to him, the more attracted he'll be to you.
If you can't back off a little, then you should just break it off- bc that's what he's starting to do to you. He's just waiting for you to be fed up enough with him that you'll dump him first. classic boy strategy.
2007-02-16 16:27:17 · answer #3 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to think anything. He is telling you exactly what he wants and you are obligated to give it to him because if you do not, you are infringing on his rights not to be with you.
The flip side of this is that you have rights just like him. You may be too needy for him, but not too needy for someone who welcomes your attention. You have to stop waisting your time. Some men are funny like that when you go all out and spend time with them and give yourself freely-you are no longer a conquest to them and that is that. Hopefully you learn from this and move on in your life.
A simple answer to your question and this is going to hurt a little-just tell him "ok, I hear you" and never ever talk to him again or be available to him if he does not want to put in the same time you do and this affects you negatively.This only means that you are not on the same page. If you guys get to hook up later so be it,but now you are on a different page. Read the poem entilteld "Now That's Love" on Po-Education page at www.Arenstheme.com
2007-02-16 16:33:59 · answer #4 · answered by Arene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be right about the "honeymoon" stage being over. I'd say let him do his own thing and you can do your own thing. I know this isn't something you want to hear, but from what it sounds like "it is what it is". It doesn't sound like anyone else is involved so I wouldn't put much thought into that. But I've also learned, that if a man wants to be with you, he will MOVE MOUNTAINS to see you and spend time with you. Good luck and keep me posted!!
2007-02-16 16:21:15 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him TONS of space - like all the space in the world. It doesn't sound like he likes you as much as you like him. I would personally break up with him. If he really wants to marry you, he will realize that controlling you by requesting more space was a dumb mistake and apologize for that dumb request. If he needs more space than what he has now, he sure won't like the lack of space he will have if he married you.
2007-02-16 16:23:15 · answer #6 · answered by itsjustfoolishness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him his space - AND take some space for yourself. Find a hobby of club or whatever. If you are meant to be together, you will be together. If not, at least you will have found outside interests and met some new and interesting people.
2007-02-16 16:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's iight. i mean if you two spend too much time together you'll end up driving one another away, instead of cherishing the time spent together you'll come to dread it. When he spends time doing his hobbies go out with girlfriends, go shopping, or starting a hobby of your own. If you really do love him, then it's only right you respect him and his feelings as he does yours, right. Plus it'll make the time you do spend together more special, not like a routine thing. You'll love the time you spend with the girls, or by yourself and cherish him all the more.
2007-02-16 16:28:25 · answer #8 · answered by Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could just need his space........But then again, he could be interested in someone else and want his space to explore other options. Explain to him that you don't know what to think about this "I need my space" concept. But by all means, let him have some space. Some people really do need to feel separate from the one they care about.
2007-02-16 16:22:59 · answer #9 · answered by Darlin1_66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Sorry to say, but he sounds like a selfish jerk. I'd give him exactly what he wants. Leave him alone and see how he likes it. Don't call, don't write-Don't contact him at all. If he doesn't try to contact you, it's probably for the better. You need someone who will give you the time and attention you deserve.
2007-02-16 16:29:45 · answer #10 · answered by court 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋