BACKGROUND: we have been dating a year. We see each other every Saturday morning-until sunday morning (ill sleep over) . ( we live 2.5 hours away from each other and are both go to school 9-5).... We talk online at night everyday after school, and then we'll talk on the phone after that for about 30 minutes to an hour.
He said lately he wants space, he wants to be together, but wants not to feel obligated to talk on the phone every night, and not obligated to see each other every week.. he said i am needy and that sometimes he just needs to be "him" and be indepedent. he said he doesnt want to break up, he wants to marry me one day, but that he needs his space. he needs a life outside of me. and that we cant just cant always be in a "honeymoon" state. cuz that is just LUST, not love.
what should i think...
2007-02-16 08:12:08 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First question: Are you clingy and needy?
Second question: Is he trustworthy? In other words do you think he's being sincere and he just needs space or do you thing there's someone else?
Based on your (honest) answer (and if the answer is yest to both) to those two questions then I'd say that he just needs space. Most guys have issues with being suffocated, space is truly needed for guys. Women tend to not mind being around guys 24/7 but a lot of guys can't take that; it feels stifling. If he's sincere, then give him space doesn't mean that he loves you any less, it's just how guys are.
good luck
2007-02-16 08:18:01 · answer #1 · answered by Slim Shady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a male and have given an answer from male's point of view... whether you agree or not here's what I feel about both of you...
If you are meeting him everyday.... then again calling him everyday (30min to an hour!!) don't you think you are overdoing it. The initial attraction which he had towards you has faded away... don't you thinks it's a bit too much.
Let me tell you how the guys differ from girls...
Please don't get me wrong Anita but sometimes, the phone calls become a compulsion for guys. Yes, he talked to you in those initial days since it was all new... which he calls "Honeymoon" period. During those days he was busy in firming his 'grip' over you... he wanted to impress you... to lure you towards him. And that happened. Now, you belong to him.
Once he knows that you are his "property", he wants to concentrate to his other activities... academics, sports etc. Now, please listen to me carefully, if he actually loves you then his eyes, his voice, his body must have told you the truth. And from your question I feel his love for you is true and genuine. He loves you a lot.
What next... give him space. Yes, he needs his elbow room. He loves you and he also has other things in his mind. Let him excel in those areas. Don't call him for a few days (I know it's difficult... very difficult... but please do as I say). Don't call him for 3-4 days. If he calls then be nice to him as you always are. If he complains, "why did you stop calling?" then tell him.. "Because you wanted some space and I too am busy with my projects...". Let him feel that your phone calls are not a burden as he has started feeling. If you still meet each other on Saturdays then be that original Anita what you used to be.
Trust me Anita... just do these things and soon you'll find that you have purchased him completely for yourself.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this issue just to help both of you and not for those silly 10 points. You can always write to me if required. Take care...
2007-02-16 08:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the face of it, it sounds like exactly what he says it is. It's not you; he's just feeling smothered. One or the other of you would have eventually felt this way and it was him first.
Your best bet, if you want things to work out in the end, is to go along. Hang out with your own friends. Tell him that he should call you when he wants to talk and you guys can take a breif break from one another. It doesn't mean either of you plan on seeing other people, just that each of you can enjoy some time to yourselves.
Remember, he can't miss you if you're always there.
If, however, you insist on calling and being there, your relationship will end and very badly. You'll end up at each other's throat.
2007-02-16 08:20:43 · answer #3 · answered by Greg H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he means what he says. He does need space...and he does need time to do other things other than spend every moment with you that he can. And he does need to not feel obligated to call every night. This is what keeps a relationship healthy.
You need space too. You need to do other things and build other sources of support other than him.
I do agree you can't stay in a honeymoon state all the time. Love comes when you trust each other to be their own person, have their own life...as well as share theirs with yours. It's almost as if you want to know where he is every moment of the day and it needs to be with you. Not good for either one of you and for sure will push him away.
The more independent you are...the more you build your own life...the more he will want you. Give him space. Let him come to you. Don't be angry about it. Do it with love. Even if it is hard...do it! Maintaining a long distance relationship like you have is very draining after awhile. p.s. Why are you doing all the driving to see him? Hello? Let him drive to you. I promise you...this will help your relationship.
If he really loves you...and you love him...you'll find a way to have balance in your lives together. You'll both be happier for it.
Good luck!
2007-02-16 08:22:46 · answer #4 · answered by kallie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Giving and receiving space is good. To have your own friends and him his own. Trust me. I've been married for a year with two kids. Its nice to have YOU time. Maybe he's just feeling tired of routine. It happens to everyone. It may not be old for you yet but you will be someday and want space of your own too. My advice would be just send a short e mail in the am and tell him you love him and to have a nice day. Leave the rest up to him. He'll start missing you. Everyone goes through a stage like this and he'll realize that and things will get back to pretty much normal again. or maybe better!! you never know!
2007-02-16 08:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by :)Smile(: 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky! The phone thing I understand as he does have a life too. Maybe a night out with a guy friend or something. About the weekend thing can u not still meet him somewhere to do somthing with his friends together? Otherwise it sounds funny to me. If he feels you are controlling him that means there is somthing he would rather be doing that you are not allowing. You should find out what that is. If it is somthing innocent he wont have a problem telling you, if it is not he will get defensive and try to avoid the question. That is your answer right there. Hope all goes well.
2007-02-16 08:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may love you but he wants to make sure you're the right girl so he wants to test the waters and see a couple of more fish. Give him his wish and if it was suppose to be then he would come baCK to u in a flash. Honestly, it is a break up but it's what we call a temporary break up because he will be baCK hopefully. This will hurt you but remember that if he doesn't come back he lost something special. You have been with him even through the long distance and if he can't see that you are the one who wouldn't treat him bad than he really isn't worth is.
2007-02-16 08:26:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. A person does sometimes want to do something differently in an evening. I think he feels tied to his computer and yet if he's not there, he probably thinks you'll think he might have someone else on the side. Now, that said, he may actually have someone else. It's nice to have someone that you can physically do things with and sometimes that can turn into more. People grow apart sometimes when there is distance between them. If there is a possibility that he has someone else he's wanting to spend time with, then it's better that you know now, so that you can move on with your life as well. You wouldn't want him if he couldn't give 100% of himself to you. Best wishes to you.
2007-02-16 08:19:19 · answer #8 · answered by Night Wind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he cant make time to talk to you on the phone for 1/2 hour, what makes him think that he can make enough time for you in your marriage? when youre married, you eat together, sleep together, watch tv together. thats more than 1/2 hour a day.
maybe he just wants to enjoy college for now, go out and have fun with his friends on the weedkends. but if he wants that much space, than maybe you should both cool it for a while. you dont need someone to call you needy. he needs to understand that you love him, not lust, and you miss him when he's not there. if he cant, then you need someone who CAN appreciate you. it wont be fun to be in the dating seen again and he may realize that you arent the one for him, and you may realize he isnt for you. but in the end, and it may take time, you will both be happy.
2007-02-16 08:26:59 · answer #9 · answered by Madi's Mum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman, but I would feel the same way if I was him, even if I was 100% in love with my partner. Everyone needs their space and needs some time to themselves. I wouldn't want to dedicate all of my free time to one person either, and no one should expect another person to do that.
Don't worry. He still wants to be with you, he just also wants a life apart from you and that is a very healthy thing!
2007-02-16 08:18:57 · answer #10 · answered by serenity4courage 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋