I am a step parent to two boys, when I came into there lives they both wet the bed at ages 12 & 8, there hygeine was undescribable, the 8 year old could not even hold a Knife and fork...
When there dad and I decide to move in together, I said I could not raise my son the way these 2 poor guys had been and although I believe in treats, on the whole I like healthy living and cleanseness etc....
We have worked together for years on this and managed to iron out alot of problems..........but now my partner is not happy and has thrown it all in my face saying he does not like the way I raise the children etc.......I am in shock, I have worked so hard with the children ........they eat things other than chips and dont wet the bed and have manners and are clea, I will never be there mum but I love them dearly and only want the best for them..................
Are step parents always wrong (there mum never wanted them)
2007-02-16 08:11:10 · 14 answers · asked by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
His mum interferes all the time, but I have explained it is ok to let them live on rubbish food and drink over heres but not full time.................
The boys could not believe it when they had home made lasagna etc
2007-02-16 08:29:26 · update #1
FYI............we no longer live in there family home we purchased a new one, with me putting 20% more than there father to house them....the older child who is now 16 says to me that I have done more for him than his mum ........we don't have a disney relationship we do argue but on normal teenage terms...........The kids do have there views and I now know there likes and dislikes rather than I want chips the whole time because they are my favourite etc................This is not just about me, I am very hurt by my partner, but I am well balanced enough to know kids come first
2007-02-16 08:58:22 · update #2
Step parents are always wrong even when they are right. The biological parent will always believe they know best even when they do not. You've done very well. Keep it up. In the long run it is you the kids will thank.
2007-02-16 08:33:04 · answer #1 · answered by JB 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No step parents are not always wrong. I am 40 now but my mother left me and my brother when we were one and two years old. My dad married my step mum when I was 7. My mum (stepmum - as far as I am concerned she is my mum), said when she met my dad I would only eat custard creams and chips. I was a very fussy eater and she got me eating really healthy - I still do now. All I can think of is that your partner feels a little resentful because you have clearly done a good job - you know what men can be like - they have to be top dog!. My dad still goes on now about how he struggled to look after me and my brother - he forgets to mention how much help he had from his sister (my aunty) and his own mother - in his mind, he did it all himself. Try and talk to your partner and ask him why he feels unhappy - get him to be specific. Keep calm, listen to him - try and compromise if necessary. Tell him how wonderful his boys are and how much happiness they have brought you. Step parents are not always the baddies they are made out to be. Looking back, the best thing my birth mother did was to leave me - my stepmother, has treated me like her own and has bought me up so well - I adore her - I just wished she gave birth to me. I met my real mother last year for the first time - such as selfish person - no remorse or guilt.
2007-02-16 08:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by Bexs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you've said, you've been a fantastic parent to those boys and done your absolute best for them. It sounds as though it's your partner who has the problem at the moment. If he's had a problem with the way you do things all this time, why didn't he say something sooner? Or is he just trying to pick a fight or hurt you for some other reason? I really feel for you at the moment. Try to take comfort in the fact that you've done your best and those kids have better lives now than before you met them.
2007-02-16 08:21:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself a BIG pat on the back and ignore what your partner says. Why he is behaving like this I don't know but he is being a real prat! Hopefully your step children shows more respect for you and although perhaps still not ready to admit I am sure they actually love and admire you very much. despite what you say. To honestly say you 'dearly love' someone else's children comes straight from the heart and you deserve to be loved in return. Hopefully, your partner said this in a moment of anger and if he has any love for you he will realise the big mistake he has made and profoundly apologise. You are doing a great job and wish to much happiness with your family in the future.
2007-02-16 12:08:26 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been a stepmum for many years and I can tell you that it is a relationship requiring a massive level of diplomacy. You can never criticise the stepchild without sweetening the pill. You always have to be seen to be positive and supportive. You have to overplay the situation to counteract all the prejudice you might otherwise encounter. My stepson thinks the sun shines out of me but honestly over the years I have had to make great allowances for his ideas. Always remember that this is not your child no matter what the law might say. I wish you the best of luck and my advice is this : let their father try and cope with them alone. He will very quickly hand the reins back over to you. Also remember that even if they were your natural children there would be continual issues as this is the way familes are.
2007-02-16 08:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's a bit jealous that you're the better parent! You seem to have done some good things for the children out of genuine concern which has resulted in a good relationship with them. If the kids are happy how you raised them then that's all that matters.
2007-02-18 10:48:30 · answer #6 · answered by munki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and have to say well done you, I think your great and I'm sure those kids will appreciate your efforts for a lifetime. As for your partner maybe he is feeling bad about what he didn't do for them. He could be feeling guilty as although there Mum didn't want them he allowed them to get into the mess they were in when you came along. Or maybe he is feeling left out? Maybe there is an underlying issue. Good luck and keep on doing what you are doing xxx
2007-02-17 06:52:43 · answer #7 · answered by Dimples 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you are NOT wrong! He was doing a lousy job of raising them and caring for them and this probably makes him feel bad now that he sees it from all the good you have made. These boys seem lucky to have you in their lives to keep them healthy and not malnutritioned, to love them and clean them up and teach them, not just hand them a bag of chips and let them run wild. Even if you changing these bad habits may have made them upset at first, I bet they love healthy meals and someone there to tell them to shower and behave, children don't realize it but this is what makes them feel loved. You are doing a great job. It sounded like he either just didn't know how to take care of them or didn't want to. Keep up the good work and if he does leave maybe he will let you be in their lives still, it sounds like you are the only one that truly cares anyways.
2007-02-16 08:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by HereIAm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your partner if he's so concerned and looks down on what you have done for these boys, why didn't he do something about it when they were they filthy, wetting the bed and had no table manners. That would make anyone question his piss poor way of being sure his own kids were well taken care of before you even entered the picture.
2007-02-16 09:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry into a situation where you will be a step parent. It's not an easy situation to be in and is thankless the majority of the time.
2016-05-24 07:33:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋