I am a single mother 27 yrs old and i have a 5 yr old daughter. Every time I'm in the company of a male friend my daughter gets angry and say Momma is that your Boyfriend? Or she screams out she hates me and that she don't love me. She trashed my living room one night because I had a friend over. She even said that she don't want me to have a boyfriend cause she feel that I'm not going to love her anymore. She see a picture of a male in my presence she gets mad and cry and ask if the guy in the pic is my boyfriend. What is wrong with her? I'm afraid when I do decide to have a stable relationship she is going to go wild.
2007-02-16 07:23:49 · 24 answers · asked by lishaxlisha 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Maybe she feels that if you'll have a new man in your life, all of your attention will go to him. Reassure her that you love her very much and that no man can break the strong bond between you two. Tell her that she will always be #1 in your life, no matter what. Ask her: "you don't want mommy to be lonely forever, and you want her to be happy, right?" And say that the new man is making you happy and that you would like for her to feel happy for you. Keep telling her every day that you love her and that no one will ever come between you. She seems to be scared of rejection, so keep reinforcing her with your love and attention.
2007-02-16 07:30:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try making a certain night each week yours and hers to go do something together without any male friends around, tell her that will always be a day for the two of you. Maybe it will help her be more secure with how she thinks you will feel about her if there is a man around. Also try to do things that include her when you have a man over so she doesn't feel left out, she may think that whenever you have someone over she will be ignored and will do things to get attention. Make sure he pays at least some attention to her too, if it isn't someone who is willing to pay attention to your daughter at all then you may want to consider if he is someone you really need to have around as a friend or a boyfriend. When you do want time alone try to find something that will keep her busy so she's not bored and craving attention even more.
2007-02-16 07:34:10 · answer #2 · answered by Dragonfly 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if none of these dudes that you let her see and meet are not 'stable', then she shouldn't even KNOW about them. And it's so obvious that she is jealous of your time that you are spending with these men. Do you keep her involved with you and other men while they are there or do you tell her to go play in her room or go do something? She is needing your attention.
You have to balance your time. She will have to accept you having someone else besides her in your life, but you should also prioritize your time better if she goes crazy like that every time you bring someone over.
And it's a horrible idea to introduce several men in your daughters life that come and go. That is teaching her that it's ok to screw anyone she wants to when she grows up. Start acting your age, chica.
2007-02-16 09:24:17 · answer #3 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is she seeing so many male "friends"? It is in her best interests to NOT be introduced to your companions until they are the stable relationship that you want. At that point, the guy will be able to love your daughter too, and she will be happy to accept love and attention from both of you.
It is not proper to have a parade of men in and out of her life. All that will do is teach her that men are disposable and unstable.
Since you have decided so far to not have a stable relationship, perhaps you should simply stop dating until you are ready for such a relationship. This is OBVIOUSLY affecting your daughter and she comes before any man or any of your "needs". Time to suck it up, mom, and sacrifice for the good of your child.
2007-02-16 07:53:20 · answer #4 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem
You have to include her in your date
like go bowling or some type of activity that she feels part of
She's to young to understand that you have enough love for her and a signifigant other
She just needs to be reassured that she's not losing you, And with kids her age words are not enough
And also limit any affection with your date this makes her uncomfortable
She cant help this behavior
She needs time to adjust
You might also think about getting a baby sitter sometimes, This can take a toll on even the most understanding guys
I commend you for wanting to resolve this issue , Most mothers put there needs over the childs!!!
Good luck
2007-02-16 07:38:02 · answer #5 · answered by ♥NEVAR♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello lishaxlis...,
Being that I am not a profesional I am only giving you my opinion based on my experiances to include things I have learned or been told by others. I'm 40 have 3 girls and my oldest is almost 14. So I am qualifed as a parent to pass on good information to you.
The reason why your daughter is having a hard time with you having guy friends around is because she feels threatend that your going to leave her. This is why she acts out. Does she have any contact with her father? It would benifit her to be able to see her dad if possible as long as he is not a threat to you or her. I would meet at a public place and have a family memember go with you if you feel uncomfortable.
Keep in mind that even though your daughter is only 5 now this situtation is only going to get worse if you do not handle it. It will also help her to seek professional counciling. She has trust issues with guys. I sence abandonment from male figures and possible abuse. I hope I am wrong about this. As being a survivor of sexual abuse myself, it is imparative that you get her the help she needs now. Even if she did not (and hopefully has not experianced any abuse) she is going through a very hard time and my even be afraid of losing you. This is why she acts out. She acts out to get your attention and will do anything possitive or negitive to keep your attention fixed on her.
Professional councilers who are quailfied are trained to work with children and can get through to them better than we can as a parent sometimes.
One last thing I want to mention that will help you until you can get this under control. Unless she knows the guy from before don't bring him around her your house until she has accepted the fact that you have guy friends and that it is o.k. with it. She has gone through some trama of some sort and is not deal with this well.
I hope this is of help to you. Hang in there it will get better.
2007-02-16 07:40:50 · answer #6 · answered by Buster 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It obvious she's not happy at the thought of you dating probably because it's always been just you two but you need to sit her down and have a talk explaining that when mommy does decide to date it is your choice but also make sure to spend time with the guy with her a lot to help ease her fears. I also would not let her get away with temper tantrums no matter how she feels screaming and throwing things is not appropriate.
2007-02-16 07:30:05 · answer #7 · answered by Beautiful Dreamer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is probably used to it being just her and Mom. She is also probably scared that you will stop loving her or not love her as much if you have a boyfriend. I think you should talk to her and tell her that no matter what you will always love her, and that you don't have to take away some of her love to give it to someone else. I'm sure this will pass soon; good luck :]
2007-02-16 19:34:12 · answer #8 · answered by ABC Puppy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to consider having a stable relationship and stop with all the different men coming into her life. You might even think about marriage, to the right man of course. One that would be a father figure to her.
2007-02-16 07:40:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're just NOT acting like a parent! Give her attention, assure her that you love her, let her know you are looking for a man and why. Tell her how lonely you are (without a man) and she just needs to accept this.
She will only get worse if you don't do something NOW!!!!!!!!!!1
She needs to know that you are the parent - NOT her! She also needs to know that when she behaves likes this, when a man is visiting, then she will lose privileges and/or be punished!
2007-02-16 09:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋