ladies, am i being selfish here?

Question

i have dreamed about coaching basketball since i was 6 or 7 years old. it's the only passion i've ever had. i split my upbringing between N.J. nd San Francisco. i got together with this young lady and was with her for over a year. when we first met and told each other what we wanted to do, she was cool with my pursuing the coaching profession. i want to coach high school ball back in the inner city in california so i can serve the gritty community i grew up in. after we'd been together for a year, i took her on a visit back to my old neighborhood in san francisco and i could tell immediately she was appalled at the prospect of possibly being together with me there. when i asked her about it, she was evasive, so i broke it off. i would like to be with someone who wishes to be with me for who i am-straight up! i won't hide from who i am. was this selfish or not? your opinion?

Answer 1

NO absolutly NOT its not being selfish.If you share your dreams with the woman up front and she cant support you in it 100% then she isnt worth it. She is fake if she says she does and then gets appaled at the area you want to fullfill your dreams in. If a woman truely supports you she will be willing to go where you want and help out. So good luck in your search and dont settle for less than what you deserve

Answer 2

It seems to me that you've been focused on a goal for a number of years, and that you communicated that goal to the young lady. The problem is that when we're talking in abstracts, everything is okay. But frequently, when faced with reality, we take several steps back. I don't think she meant to be that way, but she probably saw you as a future "Coach Carter", without remembering that not all the scenes in the movie took place in the gym. I don't think you're being selfish, at least not entirely. You were straight up about what you want to do, so she was at least warned. But realize, for your own sake, that a person doesn't always "hear" what you "say", everything is filtered through our own experiences and perceptions. So next time you tell someone what you want to do, make sure they completely understand that you're not talking about lip service, you're talking about getting down and dirty in the 'hood.

Answer 3

This has nothing to do with being selfish as far as I am concerned. You told her in the beginning, and you did stand by what you said. You definitely weren't very passionate about the break-up. I would say you weren't too in love either if it came that easy. I kind of look at it, as a free out for you. Honesty is the best way to go. Maybe you just weren't too honest about your true feelings all along, or you may have a little ego problem??

Answer 4

I think you acted too quickly and forgot about "her" dream. I think you two should have examined each other a little closer from the beginning and decided if a future was going to work before getting so emotionally involved.
I don't think that would make her the wrong woman for you just because she disagreed on one thing. If you really loved her, I'm sure changes could have been made to work for both of you. There are other places in San Francisco you could have taken her to.
In this case it sounds like love depends on if the woman submits to "your" interests. We're only talking about one incident here. She could have been a b*tch. Who knows.

Answer 5

No, if more people truly practiced "to thine own self be true" it would be a different world. You my dear are very unselfish, because you cut her loose to be happy and you care enough about making a difference for these young people that you made a place in your future for making that happen. You know, it would be really wonderful if you could make contact with someone that has really made an impact on your decision and get inspired; you are in that amazing time in your life where all things are possible, it is just a commitment and dedication away. You are making a positive difference and that is what it will take to make this world good again, you will bring HOPE to kids that may not have any of their own. Get em for me too, you are wonderful!

Answer 6

If she is not willing to be part of your dream, then I don't think you're being selfish. You two are just not right for each other. That's no crime and sometimes things just don't work out that way. Better to know now and break it off than get married, have kids and find out she's miserable. Good luck with your career and finding someone who shares your passions.

Answer 7

Not at all. You were honest with her from the get go about your aspirations. True love and a healthy relationship means supporting each other. As long as you are willing to support your partner as much as you want to be supported I'm sure you will find someone who is willing to be with you wherever your dreams may take you.

Answer 8

I don't think so....she sounds like a spoiled little rich girl who is afraid to get her precious little hands dirty. If she can respect the fact that you want to be home where you grew up then she probably wont respect any of your other wishes either. My ex hubby hated my hometown, he used to put it down all the time...now the only reason he is staying here is for our son...If he had it his way he would be back in Tahoe with Mommy and Daddy.

Answer 9

I don't think it was selfish. Even if she would agree to be with you nad live where you want, she would still mention what a sacrifice she made every chance she'll get, so relationship wouldn't be the same. I think you did the right thing, because give on your dream for a person you not married yet is not good. so, good luck with your future.

Answer 10

that's from one Raj to a distinctive.the place did you get the theory girls human beings are extra egocentric than adult adult males?Your question and in all threat your perspectives are,to assert the least,sexist.adult adult males are additionally egocentric.a woman is extra egocentric whilst it includes a query of her family contributors,mothers and fathers until eventually now marriage and family contributors after.yet whilst it includes guy or woman selfishness,adult adult males are a classification aside.Male ego and egotism are somethings that could attain heights hitherto unknown.One could be astonished on the tiers provided that one have been on the receiving end.shall we debate in this exciting subject count number for hours yet suffice it to assert, enable us to no longer be too rapid with biased and preconceived notions.of direction,I hasten to characteristic that girls too have their honest share of superselfish characters between them. additionally,I assure you that i'm no longer being a traitor to the male reason,classification and what have you ever.