Why Do People Judge a Nice Girl?

Question

Long story short. I am a nice, decent semi-attractive girl. I respect everyone and do my best. However, I don't date at all or really talk to guys. People have called me a lesbian and I hardly know them.
This really hurts, and this was at church when they said this.

My reason is my dad was very abusive verbally, mentally, and emotionally, and if he communicated it was always negative, and mean. As a result I don't date as I fear men will hurt me, or worse.

Molly, these are people in their 40s and up.
And thanks, not in high school.

All of you are so supportive and kind. Thanks you help so much. Smiles Smiles.

Answer 1

Some people, even in church settings feel it's their "right" to say anything they want about others even when they are really clueless.

WWJD? "Forgive them for they know not...." What they are saying may be totally incorrect and from way out out in left field. But you certainly owe them no explanations. If and when you hear these things said, react with complete amusement and walk away laughing. They are pretty silly, after all.

LOL -- When I was younger I used to start rumors about myself just to see how long it would take to get back to me. It was actually great fun, and it kept everyone off balance. Nobody, with the exception of my closest friends, knew the real me although everybody had "theories". Who cares what they think anyway? Once you become an adult, your life will be so far away from any of those people. Odds are you won't even know them anymore. If they're going to be that judgmental about you, there's nothing wrong with playing with their heads a little.
(teeheehee -- I had a slight "mean" streak, and it's just gotten more pronounced with age)

Answer 2

You're just cautious and choosy and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't let other people hurt you by their misinformed judgements. You'd know if you're a lesbian or not and next time they call you that say this: "The world isn't made up of only two kinds of women; 1) whores and 2) lesbians. The world has a few women in between the two categories you've chosen for them and they're called normal women with standards."
Also tell them that you understand why they'd think you must be gay if you're not sleeping with every guy in sight, since obviously all the women they've ever known have been either whores or gay.

Answer 3

People have always judged and will continue to. It is a flaw that many if not all humans possess. This is where self-respect and love of yourself will come into play. No one can tell you what you are, you are who you are. People think that when you dispute it? Well they obviously don't have very much to do with their lives now do they? Come on now, smile because in the end it is all sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. If you choose not to date that is your own accord and hopefully one day you will find someone to be happy with.

Answer 4

I am a guy, but I think your problem is quite similar to mine: I am quite attractive, overly nice towards others and I work out often so my body is well shaped. Why is it that I haven't had a real relationship yet? And just to make it worse, it is not as if the girls hate me or are disgusted by me, on the contrary they are quite playful and it is obvious they like me.
Anyway, enough of me, that was only brought up as an example. There is one explanation that jumps to mind: If as you say, you are attractive there is the possibility that the people who called you a lesbian are jealous of you, especially if they were girls.

Answer 5

People judge every girl. Period.

You sound like you must be in high school, because nobody older than 15 would say that stuff. Give it time, and people will grow up and stop being immature pricks. For now, just know that you are above them.

On a side note, this aversion to dating sounds troubling. Have you sought help?

Answer 6

I'm as same with you, in fact. But I think it's just a narrow-minded person's perspective to simply judge people based on their single status. We've right to choose what we feel we should have and not.



I'm sorry to hear about your family story ~ it's okay. Time will tell and soon you'll find a good man to help you out from those past, sad memories --- just go on search for the positive outlook in life and carry on with everything! Good luck! ;)

Answer 7

People judge everyone. You just have to understand that what people think about you, has to do with what's going on with them and rarely if ever has something to do with you. People who are happy with themselves are never judgemental, but most of us are not happy with who we are and picking on someone else makes us feel better about ourselves. . Just try not to take offense because after all, no matter how much they say it, it won't be true. Plus why do people that you don't care about or know able to hurt you? You can't let them do that. Ignore them. Its not what they call you, its what you answer to.

And my dad was not the best and neither was my mom, very similar experience as you. Whatever they told you about yourself was not true so stop believing it. You know your strengths and you need to enjoy and celebrate them. Good Luck and remember to stay true to you. Your life will have many roadblocks but you will eventually regret it if you try to change who you are to please other people.

Answer 8

hey girl let me tell you something don't listen to a thing any guy has to say to you and when you get you a man you treat him just as he treats you he'll learn I've done it and it works i love my boyfriend and when he's rude I'm rude and its settled if he can handle the way you look or act then you ask him why the hell did you pick me or why did you say yes? not includeing if he thought he couldn't handle a good girl likr ur self then he should have kept on going cause when you see him go you know your ment for someone better.

about your dad forgive him parents say the most ****** up **** and it sucks but hell what can you say besides you love em. you could just walk around a blow some steam and chill every body love to kick it.


sarah

Answer 9

Most of the time it's their own insecurities...
Don't worry, people will talk, especially if you are doing the right things. Continue to be a "good girl". Hold your head up and be proud of yourself that you have self-esteem, and self-control and not out there acting like a slut.
Be assured all men are NOT like your dad. You will meet the right one- when the time comes and don't forget to pray...

Answer 10

Hey this is horrible. But people dont know why your so distant you only know why. Don't be afraid to talk to new people or guys brake this crisis so that you can explore people and see that not all guys are like your dad. Maybe seek pro help. This is serious. This is something that you alone can't just help for yourself.