I could use a good laugh?

Question

Got any original jokes?

Answer 1

nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.

This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading, ''Keep off the grass.''

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, ''Sorry, had to mow the lawn.''

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An 8 yr old boy walks home from school each day passing an 8 yr old girl's house.

One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up his football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys' game, and only boys can have a football."
The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football." Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike.

She holds up the football and says, "Nah Na Nah Nah". The little boy angrily points to his bike and says, "Oh yeah, well this is a boy's bike and only boys get boy's bikes and you can't have one."
She runs into the house for her mom. The next day the little girl is waiting for the boy on her new boy's bike.

The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants and pointing to his most private of parts and says "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

The next day he walks by and asks her, "Well I guess I showed you," to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts. The little girl proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"
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Answer 2

This is not a joke,but I think it is funny.when I first came to the usa 24 yrs ago,I was amazed that people are friendly even they don't know you. My late husband was driving, (at that time I don't know how to drive). A guy in car gave him a finger I did not know that is nasty,I thought he was just being friendly I gave him a thumbs up,smiling and he laughs,my husband was so mad at me and I was shocked. Now, I learned if some one gave a finger to your husband on the road,dont gave him a thumbs up.

Answer 3

not meant to be offensive, its all just for fun. =)
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a blonde couple are driving along the highway when they hear an anouncer come on the radio.
"drivers out there be aware! a car is driving on the wrong side of the road of the highway. watch out!"
the blonde woman turns to her boyfriend.
"but honey they're all driving the wrong way!"

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a blonde walks into a hair salon wearing a set of huge head phones.
"I need a haircut." the blonde tells the stylist.
"first you need to take off the headphones replies the stylist.
"no can do" says the blonde. slightly annoyed but under the realization that he is getting paid a salary for this, he gets to work but soon finds it is too impossible to work through the head phones.
"ma'am i really need you to take those off!" he says once more.
"sorry" is all the blonde can say as she continues to buff her nails. agrivated the stylist trys with all his might to cut the hair again, but finds the same results. suddenly frustrated, the salon owner grabs the headphones and tosses them to the ground only to see the blonde drop dead. confused, the stylist slowly picks up the headphones and hears:
"breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breath out.
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Answer 4

A woman who has never found a boyfriend went to the doctor who happened to be Japanese. "Take off your clothes and bend over " he said. The woman did this and after careful consideration the Doctor proclaimed "Zaccliss syndrome!!" The women said "Is this the reason i've never had a man Doctor? What is it??????
Japanese Doctor replies "Face Zacliss same as bum!!"

Answer 5

Don't take this seriously. Yo momma is so stupid she burn't down the house making cool aid. Try telling friends, they'll probably laugh.

Answer 6

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
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Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.

Answer 7

Nothing is original... Only God is... and God is not a joke.

Answer 8

amen to dat

Answer 9

NO