My 10 year old has become forgetful.?

Question

He is becoming more intrested in what he wears to school and friends than his homework or paying attention in class. How do I explain that school and getting his work done is the more important than how he looks being more intrested in friends without damaging his social spirits? What can I do to help him find a healhty balance between school and social skills? With out degrading what I know is a very important part of a ten yearold boy's life.

Answer 1

You say he is 'becoming forgetful'. That means he already knows what he is supposed to be doing. He is CHOOSING to do something else. It isn't really a matter of explaining things to him anymore.

Children need limits and they are comfortable when they have them. Too often parents ease things up as their children get older but this is really the time when they need firmer limits. Certainly the limits are different between a 5yro, 10yro and a 15yro but they need limits just the same.

I think you should reiterate what is important. Make clear your expectations of his behavior. Set and enforce standards (grades, homework done by a certain time, etc.) Quite frankly, punish him if he doesn't meet the standards.

I also think you need to understand that he is growing up a little early. Help him with his appearance if he wants it. Recognize that he wants to fit in with his peers. It is normal behavior. He may not understand what is happening to him and he may want someone to talk to. Be there for him.

Answer 2

I'm wondering if you might not be putting the cart before the horse. You say that your son has some sort of memory issue and has trouble with school...paying attention in class, for example. I am wondering about the possibility of mild Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Maybe he is focusing on other things because paying attention in school has become hard for him....?

You should definitely try to continue getting through to him.... forget the explaining; take away his priveleges if he doesn't do his homework. There's nothing wrong with grounding your kid if he gets a D or two on his report card. While you're doing this, though, try to determine what the cause of his problems with schoolwork are. That's a big issue that you need to address. If you find out that there really is something wrong, then you do all you can to research ways to help your son.

Answer 3

You can talk yourself blue in the face about it... but his priorities are changing and there's not much you can do about that. Best to let him know what will happen when his grades fall below normal. That's when you take away things like TV time, video games, MP3 players, etc... and let him re-evaluate how he's doing with those priorities.

Another great thing to do, once he gets to middle school, is work out a weekly budget for him that covers school lunches, clothing, friends birthday parties, etc... and help him gain responsibility over his finances. Once he's dipping in to his own stash of money for clothing, he'll think again about how important name-brand clothing is for him. the hard part is NOT giving him any more than he's budgeted... Even if it means a homemade gift for a birthday party instead of a store bought one..

Answer 4

Your boy is going through "the changes". He's more concerned about the way he smells and how he looks and is thought of, then whether or not her makes it past the fifth grade.
You need to make a list. Maybe get him a whiteboard/corkboard and write a list of things he has to do. ex:
1-homework
2-Chores
3-clean room (etc.)
Let him know that once he's done all that, he can hang with his friends or whatever alse. Just be a bit stern about his schoolwork. Tell him straight A"s or when he asks you to do a "carefree" thing, tell him "NO WAY". Straight A"s or No ways.
Just keep relatively strict. He's going through puberty, and simply needs your suport. Good luck!