am i being to nice?

Question

my gf told me that i spoil her, she didnt say it was bad but it kind of made feel like i was being some one's b-i-t-c-h. She said i spoil her because i usually do what she wants to do, eat where she wants to eat and stuff like that. But the truth is that i really dont care, thats why i let her pick where we eat because im not picky, and i never buy her anything unless its her birthday or holiday. And she never tells me what to do or anything but every now and than ill give her a back message or we will go to eat, i usually pay for the date only because i was always taught that the guys pays on dates does all this make me wiped or any less of a man???

Answer 1

Your not less of a man or wiped. Today's society, there are not many men that are gentlemen. When your girl starts harping on you and being nasty to you in front of other people then your being someone's -----. If your girl offers to go somewhere maybe she should pay the way. If your the one asking then you should pay the way. That's o.k. to only buy her anything when it's her birthday or holiday. Sometimes, if needed, buying a flower might spicen up the relationship.

Answer 2

Not really, but you could be getting into a vicious cycle of actions. A lot of women like it when a man can be decisive and make decisions. While she may like how you agree to eat where she wants to, I'm sure she is hoping that one time, you'll suggest a place and not make her make all of the decisions all the time. Women like to have control, but they like a man who can make decisions too. Dont be overly aggressive, or tell her where your going, but at least suggesting places to go or things to do is much better than always agreeing. Be a part of making the plans, not just an accomplice. I promise, its in your best interest. paying and stuff is fine, although some women like to pay sometimes, but she'll let you know if thats the case. Other than that tough, spoiling is a good thing. If she deserves it...

Answer 3

Every woman’s preference is different, but most women like to be taken care of. They want someone who will treat them like they mean the world to you. This doesn’t mean however, that the man should be the only giver. A healthy relationship is one where giving and taking is shared equally. Now, it doesn’t sound like you’re being TOO nice, but it does sound that you should have more of an oppion about things. Even though you may not really care, it can be frustrating to be the only one making decisions. Even if it is as simple is where to eat dinner, you should at least make an effort act more interested. Now I am saying this as an outside source, I don’t know your relationships dynamic, or you and your mates personalities so please take everything I’ve said with a grain of salt. Hope you sort things out!

Answer 4

You sound like a great guy & your girl has some issues. Some women do prefer guys that treat them badly. Perhaps a few changes might make her look at things differently. When it's time to pick a place for dinner, give her 3 options & let her choose from there - at least it seems you are interested & providing input. (My husband can be the same way & at times it's rather trying when you want to do something that will make you both happy, but he has no opinion). Massages are great - there should be some reciprocation. Paying - if you are dating there is nothing wrong with going dutch sometimes, but if she is used to you paying she may balk at the change. But really don't change who you are for a girl who needs a jerk.

Answer 5

No , you are just being a nice guy . Wow she must be lucky to have you as her man . You should pick a place to eat or where to go and get a back massage to . You are so sweet that your thinking of others before yourself . It may not bother you now but it will. When you switch up later in life she is going to flip because she is so use to you letting her pick and you do . Switch up at times and let yourself feel spoiled and pampered . GOOD LUCK !!!!

Answer 6

I'm like you. I tend not to be concerned about where I go eat, so I let my date decide. I had a girlfriend once who would get upset over me not picking sometimes. She wanted me to be more decisive. It's probably a confidence thing; they want the man to show he can lead, even in little things.

You're doing the right thing - being a gentleman. Ladies definitely appreciate that. But you could probably stand to decide where to go from time to time. Just so she doesn't feel like it's always on her.

Answer 7

There is a fine line between being a nice, good boyfriend and just being too sprung. I understand you are a nice guy and you want your girlfriend to be happy but don't let her order you around. You need to stand your ground and let her know what's up. Me myself personally, i like nice guys but I don't want anyone I can run over and rule, you should stand your ground. And you did grow up well, a gentleman does those types of things for their girl but all the extra stuff is kinda unneccessary.

Answer 8

First of all you are not whipped. You are just being a loving boyfriend. Most girls would DIE for a boyfriend like that. Your girlfriend should appreciate that. You aren't just a man. You're a gentleman. You know how to treat a lady and how to make her feel happy. Good for you! You deserve someone who will do it back and appreciate it. Keep us updated!

Answer 9

i think you just sound like a generally sweet guy. you are not going out of your way, bending over backwards for her, so I wouldn't say you are wiped. You just sound like a sweet guy with the paying for dates and back rubs. I don'y understand why anyone would complain about you...I would think that is the type of guy most girls would love to date. Not a push over..just sweet...treating a women like a lady, you know.

Answer 10

AT least your not abusive. I find no wrong in what your doing. And maybe she feels spoiled.Maybe other men have been mean.I dont feel she meant it the wrong way. BTW is there any thing wrong with being a good man+ gentleman?SEEMS she dont think so. I find it to be a complement.