Last night I was at a club (ladies night) and saw my friends fiance there with another girl. I just kinda observed his actions from afar. After a while I saw him kiss this other girl (this was not a friendship type kiss...it was pretty passionate). I approached him and asked him who the girl was and what was going on. He told me that he had too much to drink and it was a mistake. He begged me not to tell his fiance. I told him that I will give him until the end of the day today to tell her himself (her and I play on the same volleyball league Friday nights) or I was going to tell her. I'm torn with this information. Should I just tell her now? Do I wait and see what happens once I get to volleyball tonight? Do I not say anything at all and hope it was just a one time mistake? I'm sure this isn't the first time he's done this....
2007-02-16 06:16:12 · 52 answers · asked by Smiles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
while you may feel "sure this isn't his only transgression" it is the only one you witnessed...so you need to remain focused on the facts... & the main question is "how close are you to this girlfriend"? are you simply team-mates or are you really good friends? & the next question is "would you want her to tell you if the roles were reversed?? You always run the risk of her getting angry at him momentarialy & then talking to him, they work things out & then she turns on you & hates you....that's just the risk you'll have to take if you tell her. I personally would wanna know. If my "friend" witnessed the same thing, i wouldn't only wanna know, i would fully expect that my friend would tell me. It would then be up to me what i did with the information, but i deserve the right to the information. (that's my thoughts.)
I would tell her if i were you, and i would tell her that i didn't wanna get involved, but if the roles were reversed i would want her to tell me. and that i had approached him at the club and told him that i was going to tell & asked him to do so himself..." etc...
Good Luck
2007-02-16 06:21:53 · answer #1 · answered by rjsluvbug 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should tell your friend, though she may take it hard and actually be mad at you, she'll be happy that you told her. If I loved a guy and figured out on my wedding day that he was cheating on me, I'd be pissed at you for not telling me. Just go to her house with a gallon of ice-cream, a box of chocolates, her favorite (not romantic) movies. And sit her down and say something like, "I know that you love ___, but I think that he may be cheating on you." And then tell her exactly what happened and exactly what you saw and say, "you're an amazing girl, and any straight guy would love to be with you, and although what he did was bad, he was also very drunk, I think you should talk to him about it; I don't want to get more involved in it." And then let her cry and listen to everything she says, and don't interrupt her; sometimes all a friend needs is someone to listen.
2016-05-24 07:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would at least wait until after the game.
What did he do regarding the other girl immediately after you confronted him?
It might be best to have a conversation with him sober before you take any big step... You have mixed thoughts about whether or not it is a one time mistake...It is not out of the question that he may not even remember... not a good sign of course, but...the point is, it's a big deal, it's a tough call, and there is no reason not to give it time to clarify...
2007-02-16 09:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did a good thing giving him the chance to tell her...but don't let the day go by without telling her. even if it was a mistake and he was drunk...she has a right to know. a man engaged should not even be in the position to get himself in trouble unless he is having doubts. you don't want there to be heartache and divorce on your head when you could have warned her. but say what you saw and leave it at that..don't give her advice and dont judge how she handles it...it is between her and her fiance. and be prepared for a little misdirected anger at you, that may be a possibility. just remember that she will be hurt and try and sympathize.
2007-02-16 06:22:24 · answer #4 · answered by whitney 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My answer is two-fold. On one hand, she's your friend. She deserves to know what happened - if she found out about it and then found out that YOU knew about it and didn't tell her, she could be pretty ticked at you. You could lose her friendship.
On the other hand, if you don't tell her and he continues to go about his business and really cheats on her even after the wedding and she gets really hurt and ends up in divorce - you could save her from the bigger heartache by telling her now. BUT - here is the kicker - how does she feel about infidelity? There are some women (I totally don't understand this) who for them, infidelity isn't a deal breaker. If you tell her and she'd rather not know, and would just blindly go through with the wedding and marriage - then she'll know that you know he's a cheater and she's stupid for putting up with that and will eventually cut ties with you anyway - she'd have to let you go in order to keep him (and trust me, THIS is from experience, it happened to me). So you need to be VERY sure what your motivation is. Do you want to tell her out of concern for her or out of anger at him (remember don't confuse your values with hers)? Ask yourself seriously, does she want to know? Chances are, he's going to tell her now anyway. You should have never confronted him. He's going to tell her in a way that's going to make HIM look better and YOU look bad - like an interferring friend. All I'm saying is be prepared to possibly loose the friendship either way. That's a raw deal, but the bottom line is, we women would do just about ANYTHING to have a man - even if that means ditching a friend. He has something you just don't have, a penis. Good luck.
2007-02-16 06:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your friend doesn't need this man in her life and as a true friend you should tell her in order to protect her from a greater hurt.she might not take it very well and might not even believe you but at the end of the day you where a good friend in telling her.a cheating man is a waste of any ones time and they do not deserve to be with the good honest people in the world.good luck and hope your friend makes the right choice.
2007-02-16 06:26:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good friend....YES!!! Would you want her to tell you? Sit her down and tell her you have something that you need to tell her but are afraid that it may jeopardize someones future. Tell her you don't want this to ruin your relationship, but you think that she should know what type of guy she is about to marry. Who is to say that he doesn't do this crap all the time. He told you sorry, but would he have said that if you didn't go up to him? No one would have ever know. You were there at that time for a REASON. Hopefully he grows some balls and tells your friend. If he DOESN'T by TODAY.... I would step in, but carefully. Your friend deserves better. Just ask yourself....would you want to know? I would...before I ended up committing my life to a deceitful man. Follow your heart and good luck.
2007-02-16 06:24:47 · answer #7 · answered by ♥eLizAbEtH♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
definatley tell her, if he could do this before they are married by mistake, what would he do on purpose when they get married.
she will be hurt now but in the long run, it is for the best. he is a total coward if he hasn't told her already. and if you don't say anything you are as bad as he is, it wouldn't make you a very good friend. once she knows she then has the choice to forgive and forget or to end the relationship before they get married.
2007-02-16 06:28:19 · answer #8 · answered by frost7216 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was gonna say if she is your friend just tell her what you observed, stick with facts only. Say exactly what happened and what you thought you saw and what you thought it meant.
I like your idea of giving him even a day or 3 to tell her, that way the info is potentially more accurate. Also, time for people to steam in thier own karma, good or bad.
Anyway, if she is really your friend, make sure SOMEBODY tells her.
2007-02-16 06:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by agropelter 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing by confronting him at the night club. Now he's afraid of you lol. He needs to confess on his own to his Girl. Its a great thing you did when you gave him a time frame to tell the truth. Call him up again and ask him if he told your friend. Pressure him to tell her.
If that doesn't help, tell your friend that hes got something to tell her that's really important. Have her pressure him to confess.
2007-02-16 06:23:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋