Should you forgive someone that cheats on you, or should you move on?

Question

My boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me and I recently found out in the worst way possible, through the "other girl". I think what hurts worst is that I had to be told in such a malicious way through her, rather then him being honest and telling me. What keeps me from just dumping him is that she admitted the past year he has been attempting to break it with her, because he claimed to her I was the only one he wanted and couldnt keep doing this with her any longer. It wasnt till he broke it off with her that it got very ugly and she blew his cover. Im so confused and need help, should I continue with this investment Ive made with this man or heal and move on without him???

Answer 1

I have been in that situation, but not a 5 year relationship. I think I would rather punch myself in the neck than be in that long of a relationship. Anyways, I kicked him in the nuts once I found out, and I kicked him to the curb. I hate liars! Besides it's more fun to move on, then you can find someone is better than him.

Answer 2

How important is he to you? If you want to make a long term commitment that may include children, perhaps you need to do some serious talking about what you both want out of this relationship. If he sees that sex with someone else is okay because he doesn't "love" that person, then I would say that you have a fundamental difference in values and need to consider this when making yoiur decision. Would he be forgiving if the situation were reversed? There is often a double standard in how women are judged in this situation. For men the more women they attract, the more their egos inflate. If a woman is seen to sleep with several men, she is often still regarded as a slut.
Write down your feelings from the heart and put them in an envelope and seal it . Don't read it for a week or so, When you are ready open it and read what you wrote with a clearer mind. It may help you to really understand what it is you want. Good luck!

Answer 3

The problem with this is you are having a battle between the heart and the brain. The brain is telling you to move on, but your heart is destroyed b/c you love him. It depends what part of you will win. Take some space from the situation and decide. People make mistakes, and it depends if he fights for his life for you as well. Your heart will be closed off and who knows if you will ever open it back up to him again. There is the chance that you can work it out, but you will really have to be able to have an open mind about it and try your hardest to allow him to earn your trust back. You have every right to be selfish.

Answer 4

I really don't know on this one...I'm in the same exact boat. I was with my boyfriend for 7 1/2 years and just found out late last month that he was cheating on me. I dumped him and kicked him out of our house. He told me three weeks ago that he loved me and wanted to work things out. Well, that was the last I heard from him - I'm so frickin confused it's ridiculous.

I guess my only advice is to think about it and determine if you'll be able to forgive/forget and trust him again? That'd be my only concern. I would suggest that if you do try to continue with the relationship - get couples counseling..

Answer 5

Move on. Not only has he cheated he wasn't even man enough to be honest and come clean. You cannot trust this man and he needs to be made to realise cheating and dishonesty result in losing the person you cheat on. No-one forced him to continue having sex with her this past year. It was his choice, dumping him should be yours.

Answer 6

Depends on alot of things baby, can you really say you love him ? can you really think he will change ? can you really say you can deal with the feelings associated with this type of hurt ? From the way you worded your question I would leave him for the simple fact that he was not honest with you. My girl took me back after I cheated on her and the other girl told on me. But I accecpted that this was a process not an event and that time would heal all wounds.

Good luck.

Answer 7

The only question you need to ask is can you move forward together or will you always have doubts?

If you can trust him and you both make a pact to move forward and start new then do it. If you have any doubt move on.

If you hadn't of found out would he have ever told you?

Answer 8

If he tried breaking it off with her then he realized his mistake. Once a cheater realized there mistake they will change. Nobody wants to go through heart ache twice. He obviously loves you but was a little weak to fight for it. Take some time apart. If you decide you need him then get him back , if not then move on. I honestly would start fresh with someone else who is stronger for my love. It is really up to you girl, nobody can tell you how your heart feels. Love is hard but you need to be strong when it hits you down and get back up.

Answer 9

I consider cheating the ultimate form of betrayal. I would NEVER cheat on any guy I was involved with and I would never stay with a guy I found out had cheated. Just ask my first husband.

Answer 10

You need to speak to him, don't just move on 5 yrs is a long time. if there was something missing, physically or emotionaly deal with it, if you cant tell him you are out. EVERYBODY deserves a second chance. i know you must be thinking about it over and over again, but hun. what was in the past is in the past. ask him sincerely if it meant something... ask him how long it went on...if you need to check with her to see if he is telling the truth.... if he still lies...then you have a compulsive liar..and get rid of him.....but....try your best to understand, everyone has different thresholds of understanding. that is all you can do. best of luck...=]