is it customary to have a money bag at a wedding? I was told guests bring a gift and put money in it at a wedd

Question

my friend told me that you put the price per head in the wedding invite so people know what they have to give. they put it in the money bag at the wedding, in addition to buying a gift. i dont think this is something i want to do--solicit money from guests when they already bought gifts! Is this really customary or just people being greedy.

Answer 1

Your friend is so far off base that's she's not even in the same universe as reasonably polite people. Put the "pricde per head" on the wedding invite?!? Sheesh-- that's virtually charging admission to the wedding! Your friend has her head so far up her whoosis that she wouldn't see the light of day if the sun went nova!

Here is the scoop on wedding presents, including gifts of money. When you invite someone to a wedding (or any other function, for that matter), there is NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER for them to give you any kind of gift. Yeah, that's right: etiquette states that an invitation to a party or affair of any kind is not equivalent to a demand for a gift! So nobody you invite to your wedding HAS to give you ANYTHING. No obligation.

Of course, people who want to help you to celebrate your joyous occasion will most likely bring you a gift as a token of their felicitations on your new state as a married woman. They may choose to give cash if they want, but it is impolite and crass to do anything that makes it look like you are begging for money or shaking your guests down-- and that includes putting a "money bag," a "money tree," or having a "money dance." Yes, people do these things and make excuses that it's a cultural issue, or it's fun, or it helps the newlyweds. Which does not change the fact that it's crass and boorish to shake down guests for money.

Answer 2

Some brides have a bag that holds teh cards and money and others have wishing wells or boxes that hold the cards with the money in them. Either way is acceptable, however, the more guests you have, the heavier the bag would be, so i would stick to leaving it on a table.

The Italians only give money and there is nothing wrong with that. Whatever is your cultural norm is how you should do it.

Now in my instance, 1/2 the family is used to the money tree/money dance while the other half hasnt ever heard of such a thing (cultural differences here). We have decided to just have the wishing well at the gift table which is halfway to the head table on the side where there is no door (no need to worry about the cards walking off).

Adding a "fee" to an invite is rude, guests will give or not give what they want. That is just the way it is. Anyone who puts a price on coming to a wedding they were inviting people to is just plain greedy. end of story.

Answer 3

This is absolutely inappropriate. Some cultures give only money for weddings and I believe this is how some people in the US have come to accept the idea of a "money dance" with the bride. (Personally, my sister had a "money dance" at her reception and I was appalled.)
Guests are guests no matter what. It is not expected that someone who attends a wedding will automatically bring a gift. You invite guests to a wedding because you want them to share in the joy of the occasion, not because the are expected to "pay their due" for attending. If a guest brings a gift, that's just a bonus. If a guest offers money as a gift, that's a bonus as well. Soliciting from wedding guests is just tacky. When people talk about the weddings they attended where money was solicited they never say "What a lovely bride or ceremony", they say "Can you believe that they wanted money??".
This is not customary and you will have a beautiful, tasteful wedding without it Best wishes.

Answer 4

We do not ask guests to bring money or gifts to our wedding. If you had a wedding shower you may make a list of Department stores of where you are registered. This is not a house warming or baby shower. Most people are more than willing to bring a gift to the shower and also to the reception and you don't even have to ask!


Money Bags and Bridal Purses
The Brides Money Bag is use during the Money or Wine Dance for the guests to place money in as a token to dance with the Bride. Some times the dollar bills are just pinned on the Bride's grown or veil.The Money Bag (or Bridal Purse) is used to avoid damage the the Bride's Wedding Dress or if there is not a proper place for the money on the Wedding Dress. Some Bridal Purses come with The Bridal Emergency Kit contained last minutes items or repair kits.

Answer 5

No you are right that is not how it is supposed to work. You should set up a table by the door so that your guests who do bring gifts have somewhere to put them. Have somebody kind of watching this table all night because I just recently went to a wedding where the married couples whole stack of cards filled with money got stolen. So have somebody watch it just in case. But a money bag is ised during the money dance if you decide to do this. The money dance is when the dj will play a couple of songs and people can pin money on you and your husband and dance with you. This is a really popular and growing tradition. Some brides use money bags instead of the pins because they don't want their dress to get ruined by the pins. Your friend was way off with that one I'm glad you came on here and asked. Good Luck and Congratulations!!!

Answer 6

No, it is not customary, but if you read around this site you will find there are plenty of greedy brides-to-be. Most totally agree with you - that nothing like that is the thing to do - just to graciously accept whatever gift someone chooses to give you. People are guests at the wedding, and you are hosting them, regardless of the price it costs for the meal and venue.

Answer 7

I understand how you feel. I got this really neat open metal woven box that looked like a church, and had a slot cut out of it, so people that brought money instead of a gift could slide the envelope into the box, I placed it right on the gift table, and the person assigned to the gift table let my guests know that what it was for. Some people also have a "dollar dance" at their receptions, I didn't do that, I felt it was tacky, but alot of people do it.

Answer 8

It's downright RUDE to mention money OR gifts in the invitation! People should be free to give (or not give) whatever they wish. What if they can't afford a gift but really love you and want to share in your day?? It's very tacky to include any hint of obligation (even registry) in your invite. People will either bring a gift or give money as they see fit. Or they may simply ask you or someone close to you where you are registered. You should read the Q&A of Wedding Etiquite at www.theknot.com.

Answer 9

I have never, ever heard of such a thing, nor have I ever been to a wedding where such a custom is present!!

Wow. I've heard a lot of tacky things, but that one just takes the cake! I'm SO glad you're not going to do this!!

Inviting someone to your wedding is like inviting them to a party at your house - they are your guests. They shouldn't be charged admission, and truthfully, they don't have to give a gift - most people do, but it's because they're friends & family and they want to give something to the happy couple.

Congratulations and best wishes to you!!

Answer 10

most people give a monetary gift. The money bag is to collect the cards that people give. Some people have mailboxes or the new thing is a birdcage to put the cards in. I have never seen a wedding invitation with a dollar amount written in it, that would be rude!