The family who adopted my baby wants me to move there with them so they can help me with school. We talk on the phone alot and have a great relationship. We all agree that it may be helpful to my daughter as well. We understand that this may be a different kind of situation, but we also believe that it can work if everyone is honest about thier feelings and intentions. I dont in any way feel jealous towards them when they send me pics of the whole family (they have six children my daughter included)
my daughter is very sick and that was an unexpected thing she I feel I want to be there to spend time with her that may not be there in the future. I wanted an open adoption and God blessed me with that, but what do I do about her unexpected illness. I can't walk away from that but at the same time I still feel so confused about it all. She is only 8 months old so this is still a new situation.
please help with your advice
2007-02-16 06:08:32 · 16 answers · asked by Miss Sassy 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
God bless you for allowing this open adoption. This is a decision to be made by you and the adoptive parents, as long as you are comfortable with your boundaries. Sounds like the adoptive mother could use your help, not just with your daughter, but with the other five. You could be a blessing in all their lives, and this would make a wonderful memory for her adoptive mother to share about you, to tell your daughter you loved her enough to have her in your life while respecting the wishes of her parents. Sounds like they would welcome you with open arms. We will be praying for you and for your child's future. So truly sorry about her illness. Looks like the Lord has provided her with a loving family, including you, my dear, to provide for her care and comfort. What a wonderful family she must have. You have made a loving, brave decision to give birth to your daughter. You will never be sorry. Whatever happens, know that she is safe in the love and arms of God. May He bless you richly and give you wisdom.
2007-02-16 06:19:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've already made up your mind to move in with them.
I live in a community where family adoptions are very common, and kids grow up with an aunty or grandparent as an adoptive parent, and their biological parent as an aunty. It works pretty well most of the time, because the parent seems to take on the role of an older sister or brother over time, and the child is surrounded by people who love him or her. It also seems to help babies because they have developed a bond with their biological parent in the womb, and they don't go through the withdrawal of that person like they would if you weren't around. While these people aren't your family, this situation is similar as far as raising the child.
I think you should be confident in your decision to live with them, and I know that it could be what's best for you and your daughter. But, make sure everyone involved is clear on some things:
How long will you live with them?
What is your role in the baby's life?
What is expected of you as far as responsibilities for the child?
What will the baby call you?
What specific help will they give you for school?
What do your parents want?
Most conflict rises from misunderstanding, so be sure that the whole situation is clear before moving in.
2007-02-16 08:28:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an adopted child.. I think you have made a very difficult decision and you should be commended for being mature enough to put your child's best interest first....I did now either of my birth parents until I was 25 years old...That sucked!...I started wondering about then from about age 7 or so.....It was kind of like an empty hole or something missing feeling.....If you can handle it I think it would be very, very nice and brave of you to be able to see and talk with the child....Especially if she is ill.....If I could have chosen I think I would have preferred knowing my parents...Now don't get me wrong I would never, ever not want my adoptive parents....After all they took and raised me when they did not have to and I appreciate that....Raising a child is not an easy task to take on.....But it would have been nice to have know then before I was 25.....You will have to do what is right for you and your child....You will make the right decisions....You have so far....ss
2007-02-16 07:07:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the person who said that you need to make sure that whatever you do is in the best interests of the child. Your feelings really don't come into play, sorry if you don't like that.
That said, it seems like an ideal situation to be near her, work on your education, and make sure that she is doing well. I would be very careful not to step on the adoptive families' toes, make sure you have your own place (not next door!) and your own life. They sound like a wonderful couple to be offering you this bond with your daughter... I think you'd be a fool to turn it down. From your descriptions, it seems that she could use all the loving people in her life available.
Just make sure you can remember that you ARE NOT her mother anymore. If you don't think you can make that separation, then I wouldn't recommend this course.
Good Luck to both of you!
2007-02-16 07:31:50 · answer #4 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that they are giving you information and want to help you out. But I think it would be really hard for you to be the natural mother to watch the new mother take care of your baby. I think feelings of jealous and resentment might set in. Not saying you are a bad person or anything, just saying, that you might see your baby and decide you want her to be yours and only yours again.
I would say spend time with them at most, but distance yourself, and don't let the family take care of you. You did what was best for you at the time, so I think you should move on with your life, and hope that your daughter will later in life want to spend more time with you. Good luck with whatever you do!
2007-02-16 06:21:18 · answer #5 · answered by Jyse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you don't really indicate what your specific hesitancies are about NOT moving in with them besides it being all around an unusual situation.
If push comes to shove, then I would move in in order to provide myself with some peace of mind about her care and being able to help with her care.
As well, this couple seems to be very loving and accepting of you and your daughter and genuinely want to support you, the birth mother, as well as their new family addition and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But, again, you need to say just what your fears are about moving in, how/why do you think it's wrong or an iffy idea before anyone can adequately be of help to you.
Good luck.
2007-02-16 06:17:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of it relies upon on the two the situations and the guy in contact despite if one is open or closed minded. working example there could be some very closed minded human beings, properly i understand some, who're very tolerant (particularly much to the factor of open mindedness, you will possibly think of), basically simply by fact of who the different individual is. it relatively is one occasion of the place an exception to the guideline applies. yet for the main area you opt for for the two basically like warm and chilly in the actual realm of thermodynamics. For without the interplay between warm and chilly or opposites, life might grow to be stagnant and entropy. that would not be a real mirrored image on life. So in the top I do properly known the life of the two contraptions of minds. And on a similar time notice the exceptions and the organic effect of the interplay that happens between them. Society as an entire does circulate forward. that's what i think of.
2016-10-02 06:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, how wonderful your child is blessed to have all of you in her life.
I think it took courage for you to place your child up for adoption. It is very sweet gesture for the adoptive parents to offer you a place to stay so you could be close to your. Now I gather from what you are saying your child is terminally ill correct? If so I think maybe it might be a good thing for you to be there. This way you spend time with your child before she passes.
2007-02-16 06:16:02 · answer #8 · answered by loopy lizzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a wonderful relationshp with your daughter's 'new' family, and how wonderful that they want to include you also. You showed great courage in giving up your daughter, and they are very generous and loving in their thanks for you choosing them to parent your daughter. If you care for you daughter and the invitation is sincere, I see no harm in accepting. There is also the possibility, depending on your daughter's illness, that her new family may NEED you there physically for medical reasons. God bless you all, and I pray your daughter get well and grows up to know just how much she is loved.
2007-02-16 06:34:11 · answer #9 · answered by Katykins 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad that you were able to have an open adoption. But since your daughter is ill you might want to choose to spend time with her while you can. You don't want to regret it later in life. Your daughter is very blessed to have all of you in her life.
2007-02-16 06:31:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋