Recently my girlfriend became pregnant.She admitted that during a break in our relationship she had been smoking drinking and doing coke with some mutual acquaintances of ours which resulted in her possibly being impregnated by the male "friend" during a drug induced threesome. She also admitted that there was a possible "daddy" with a man that wants nothing to do with her now that shes pregnant.She still continues to see and spend alot of time with the first couple involved against my better judgment. I do love her very much and I told her that if we are to get through this together we have to distance ourselves from these people so that we can raise this child right with no bad influences to misguide us. She has put up a defense because the other girl is an old friend and they work together and she needs a ride to work. She tells me that she's under alot of stress and that by me asking her to give up the relationship with the other couple I'm bringing more stress in her life.
2007-02-16 06:06:13 · 12 answers · asked by lumendelsol 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The question I ask is what do I tell her to help her, and what is going on in her head? I want to be with her, but I can't get past this event if she continues to keep these people in her life. The people are not responsible because they are about to lose what they have due to irresponsiblity on their behalf. My girlfriend works 3 jobs to make ends meet and the couple could care less about her or her finances or personal life. The guy has no job and is a habitual drug user and I can't stand by and watch her life go down the tubes without trying to help. I love her and would do anything for her but this whole situation is killing me inside. She says that we will try together but actions speak louder than words and my heart is breaking. I don't mind if the child is not mine but I think that she has to make an effort to be a better person for her me and this child. I need help beacuse im drowning and nobody seems to want to help.
2007-02-16 06:15:43 · update #1
To bring more info I'm not trying to change her. All I want is for her to give up these 2 "friends". They are arguing amongst themselves now and she still hangs out with them till all hours of the night. We talk and she beats herself up badly. I try to support her and have not given her an ultimatum yet. I also have not verbally or mentally judged her because I don't want to alienate her especially during this time. I would like to work this all out but is it possible. I believe it is and it will be hard for both of us but we have to make some hard choices about our lives and put them into action. I told her once that if she wants to we can move forward but how can she if she's not willing to give up the past.
2007-02-16 06:27:20 · update #2
well some time has past and we have talked and come to some decisions. She has given up her 2 friends involved and has started to take a genuine interest in her/or child. I see that she feels happier because by talking and getting all the sordid details of what happened and why she has opened the door to having her own closure in this. I told her that I'll stand by her thick and thin. She's spending more time with her family like she used to. God willing things work out fine cause ultimately I have faith in her, and if im supportive and listen to her she can move to the future with confidence. I still feel some pain, but as we talk more openly things do feel better. It's funny that 10 years ago i wouldn't of dreamed of having a baby let alone making myself vulnerable like i have in this relationship. God has a funny way of putting the hardest choises in front of you and MAKING you deal with them, but you can deal with them. He knows the limits..we just need a little Faith to get there.
2007-02-24 02:48:35 · update #3
Considering how she's behaved I think she's fortunate you are willing to stand by her. I don't think you are being unreasonable suggesting you distance yourselves from the first couple involved. I don't understand her reluctance to agree even if the girl is an old friend. The boundaries between friendship and sex were well overstepped. She needs to make a choice between you and them. I hope for everyone's sake she chooses you.
2007-02-16 06:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like you put out an ultimatim and she called your bluff...
The question is why these people are the problem...
If she had cheated on you then... I would agree with you... but she didn't...
The child isn't yours but it happened on a break so really this is about you not her... it is about you either accepting that or not accepting that child... if you can't accept it then move on... if you can then there is not need to punish her for it... which it looks to me like you want to change her or make her pay penance for what happened while on your break...
On the other hand... the problem isn't the other people it is your/her behavior... that you are worried about... simply shielding from those particular people isn't the solution... an addict can only avoid his addiction so long... at some point he must have the will power to resist it...
Good luck
2007-02-16 06:14:48 · answer #2 · answered by AvidBeerDrinker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are asking of her is not wrong at all. You want a good and stable enviroment for the child, and she cant seem to get that in her head. She is doing nothing but harming the child being around her old friends and getting high.
DO A favor, if she isnt willing to change her lifestyle, then leave her. If the baby is yours, then get custody of it! Her lifestyle isnt well for the child.
2007-02-16 06:11:05 · answer #3 · answered by Encouragement 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wont comment on how she got herself into this situation as nothing i say would be of any use as whats done is done. Are you a possible father? Can you cope with raising another mans child. I can understand that you want your girlfriend to distance herself from these people but maybe she is worried yo will change your mind and wants to keep them around incase she needs them.
2007-02-16 06:26:23 · answer #4 · answered by kazz06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has brought this on herself. Unprotected sex results in pregnancy and she isn't even sure who's it could be. I think it's time for you to move on as her friends are more important right now and she doesn't seem to be very concerned about the child either. You deserve better and will come to realize that once you get over the shock of her behavior.
2007-02-16 06:10:43 · answer #5 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face it...your girlfriend needs some help. Her "issues" fall into a category that even you cannot help her with. Maybe you should be a little selfish and think about where you come in on this one. Definitely re-evaluate the term-relationship or even boyfriend/girlfriend for that matter. What the hell was she thinking? Don't you deserve better? Think about that...
2007-02-16 06:17:22 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Kamm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump this whacked up psycho chick. Then get some counseling to try to figure out why you are willing to hang around with someone who has sex with other dudes unprotected and you take on the reponsibility of being daddy. She a crack ho man, plain and simple. She gettin a ride, that's for sure, but you the one getting taken for one.
Besides, they ain;t givin you no dudes wife booty, so they have their own party and you just left out.
2007-02-16 06:14:44 · answer #7 · answered by knottygaboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave her immediatley. Do you think its going to get any better? Dont be a sucker. If its your child, fight for custody and raise the child in a proper way... without a coked out whore mother who is on the fast track to the grave.
Think of yourself first in this instance. If its your child think of the child first, then think of you.... dont think about her ever again.
2007-02-16 06:12:12 · answer #8 · answered by Count F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what im reading , this is a very bad situation for you
and you also know it. here is alot of issues to consider about HER lifestyle. Please use your common sense now. You must walk away from this sick, sick situation for your own self preservation. Please seek councelling if nothing else ive said penetrates your head. Much luckI wish for you. bettyk
2007-02-24 00:15:26 · answer #9 · answered by elisayn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this one is simple. you say you love her but it is obvious that she doesn't love you on the same level. sit her down and tell her flat out them or you. she created this drama she needs to correct it. oh yeah get a paternity test and possibly get checked for std's
2007-02-16 06:15:39 · answer #10 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋