Ok yesterday was certified Valentine's Day for me and my significant other due to him having to work and me having evening classes. Ok we decide that we will exchange kisses and gifts the day after. The day after rolls around and i don't hear from him. I text humorously asking where my gifts are? I get no response. I let it go, until I can no longer sleep due to wondering where he is. So i text again at about 5am stating that i am mad. He responds by stating Hey, my father past away yesterday do u think I care if u are mad. Of course i apologize for the loss and for the spoiled/inconsiderate comments. I'm still upset that he didn't call me and make it known that he was going through something so personal. Had i have known, i would have never made those comments. He called earlier this morning when he got off from work, but I didn't answer the phone due to me feeling like an a**. Should I be mad and sympathetic or sympathetic and sorry?
2007-02-16 05:37:12 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have dealt with this same type of issue. It is often hard to understand how others deal with things. Most people need a shoulder to cry on and want emotional support but there are always those others who want you to leave them alone which it sounds like he is one. So now you look bad because you were mean but you didn't know what he was going through. And I am sure he isn't wanting you around right now even if you tried. Don't push yourself on him, he isn't going to listen to anything you say right now. Just let things settle down and everything will work out. It seems really horrible right now but he will get through it...just be there for him whenever he decides he is ready.
2007-02-16 06:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does this have to do with Weddings??This is more of a relationship question. Everyone experiences grief differently. He may not have been prepared to talk about his loss yet. You should be most sympathetic and extremely sorry. I mean he did just lose his father. As far acting like an a** if this isn't the sort of thing he does regularly (not accepting phone calls, not calling or texting) then you should have know something was wrong and not made the comments that you did. Stand by him and be there for him as he needs you in his time of need.
2007-02-16 13:47:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was no way for you to know his father passed away. And I wonder how "significant" he is? I know if my mother passed away (my father is already dead) my fiance would be the first person (other than my brothers) that I would call. I would think your bf he would need the comfort and support that only a girlfriend can give. It doesn't sound like you rank to high on the list that he didn't call until the next day. Was he close to his father? If his father wasn't someone you have ever met or is estranged, I would question the validity of what he's saying - he could have used that as an excuse to spend valentines day - extended - to be with someone else or do other things. It's also strange that you texted him and didn't flat out call him - you two don't seem particularly close. Maybe he didn't think you warrented a phone call. But either way, don't blame yourself, how could you know?
2007-02-16 13:47:01 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
How about a combination of all of the above? To further clarify my answer - what are your ages? how long have the two of you been together? I see you have classified it under weddings...does this indicate that you two are engaged? Actually, you should be mad...you had no clue what had happened, if you are his girlfriend and you two are close one would have assumed he would have come to you for sympathy and support when he learned of his father's passing. I know, I know...some guys just have great difficulty doing that, but still...he can't be mad at you for you being mad at him because you had no clue. You should have answered the phone though, regardless. The two of you need to work this out and you need to find out why he didn't tell you in the first place rather than letting you wonder what the hell was going on for a while.
2007-02-16 13:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going with sympathetic and sorry. He probably went through a lot yesterday and calling you could have been the last thing on his mind.. Give him a break. Be there for him now, and celebrate Valentine's day at a later time.
2007-02-16 13:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by Terrie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just sympathetic. It would have been nice had he called you to tell you his trauma, but everyone deals with grief in their own way, and it is not your place to criticize that. You shouldn't have flown off the handle with him...notice that your initial reaction was anger that he was avoiding you instead of concern that something had happened to him.
In short, you were wrong. But don't dwell on it...this show, so to speak, is about his father, not you. You will only irritate him if you keep bringing it up. Just say you're sorry, and that's it.
2007-02-16 13:43:22 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should have called to tell you but he was probably just in shock especially if he was close to his dad and it slipped his mind. Don't feel bad it slipped his mind it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You shouldn't be mad, just sympathetic, let his annoying quirks slide for a while and go over to his house to give him your present and a home-made sympathy card. Ask him if there is anything he needs and just be his shoulder t cry on for a while.
2007-02-16 13:48:14 · answer #7 · answered by Monkey Lady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok he might have been to emtional to call you and tell you about the way he was feeling. and you not meaning this in a bad way bothering him made things worse and he let it all out. he probably needed time. you should give him a call and not be mad. dont bring up the the whole mad ans sorry just be sympathetis, he probaly just needs a hug. forget the whole v/day it is really small compared to loose a loved one.
2007-02-16 13:46:40 · answer #8 · answered by andy a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first, unless your father has passed away you can't be sympathetic. Be empathic. Understand what he is going through. Don't ever be sorry. Apologize for the situation and use that word. Apology not sorry. Be there for him. That's all you can do at this point.
2007-02-16 13:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by missie_d_73 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I can see both sides. Yes, he should have called. No, you have every righ to be upset. BUT, let it go. He is having a very hard time and he needs comfort not blame. Don't be imature and not answer his calls, because he'll take it as you just don't care. Not a good thing. Go to his house, bring him some comfort food and just be with him.
2007-02-16 13:44:11 · answer #10 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋