I am a single Mom of 4 , my son was 27, he didn't take college serious, dropped out after 2 years; told him that he would have to pay that expensive party tab (student loan); he wasn't moving along with improvement plans , I told him that he needed to do something to improve his life rather than just working at a store; I said he had to pay 100/month to live at home ,as an incentive to get him to stand up and provide for himself and a family someday; he only paid one month I told him that he would have to move out; he told me to sue/evict him ,he moved out and in with this girlfriend and her family ; during that time, he lost weight, tried out for police dept and got in ; got engaged and now getting married in Sept, 2007; our relationship is strained; my future daughter in law isn't very warm ; they asked me for help $$ for the wedding ; that is the only time they called; I know that after the wedding that will be it with little contact;any help?
2007-02-16 05:33:24 · 6 answers · asked by sml 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all -- NO Money to help them for the wedding at this time .. for sure. YOU are only being USED for the MONEY ... and that is very sad indeed.
I know that this is going to be very difficult to take this stance, but DO offer your future daughter-in-law the opportunity to meet with you for lunch or just a shopping trip out .. that will help break the ice (at least with her). Let her see your REAL personality -- the SINGLE MOM who struggled raising FOUR children on HER OWN .. and yes, this is your INCOME and EARNINGS, and you are PROUD of everything that each of your children did (and you do REMEMBER the STRUGGLES, but don't mention them unless you are asked, then generalities -- like "WOW ... Teens are a HANDFUL ... ". IF she presses, tell her to ASK her son about the problems ..
YOU did do the RIGHT Thing by letting him experience the CONSEQUENCES of his "Adult Choices" of wasting his College opportunity and having to pay back the loans for his 'partying' lifestyle -- an expensive lesson, but it did help him turn his life around to become the MAN he is today -- with a good job, a fiance, and everything else.
I do recommend that the pocketbook stays CLOSED. I feel that they are using you for the MONEY .. and yes, will forget about you afterwards ... except when they want more money.
2007-02-16 06:12:34 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I probably would not help too much. I would definitely talk to him and explain how he makes you feel and explain that because of you, he is becoming a police officer, otherwise, he'd still be living with you doing nothing. I would get to the deep rooted issues before I became a big part of the wedding.
2007-02-16 05:47:31 · answer #2 · answered by Vi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your tough love seems to have helped him. Perhaps he is a late bloomer (emotionally/maturity). I don't have advice for a quick fix, but I think that you being consistent with him will teach him well. Depends on how much help they want for the wedding, and how much you can give. Don't teach him how to mooch any more. If you want to have a warmer, less strained relationship that is authentic, it doesn't make sense to throw more money at it. Have you tried sitting down with them and letting them know you want the best for them and that includes their autonomy and ability to fend for themselves?
2007-02-16 05:44:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
shrink off all connections with those sort of human beings! they'll destroy your relationship. circulate a techniques away and alter your type. you do no longer prefer some uncaring human beings to get entangled on your existence and shrink to rubble a superbly widely used relationship with your husband
2016-11-23 13:20:57 · answer #4 · answered by nanhey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stained relationship? Use Javax
2007-02-16 08:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by K S 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell them no, you don't appreciate them contacting you just for money and it doesn't work that way with you.
2007-02-16 05:41:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋