I have been dating a guy for the past 2 years. When we first started dating things were AMAZING! he was sweet and fun and we were constantly together. After about 6 months though things started going downhill. I practically dropped my life for his. (mistake!) I cant talk to other guys without him assuming i am trying to shack up. I'm criticised for the music i listened to and the clothes i wear. He makes comments about me wearing makeup (thinking i'm showing off) and lately has even gone as far as calling me names when i do something he doesnt like. We live together with one of our guy friends that i am close to. I now have a crush on him and he does for me as well. He is always sweet and always honest with me. i just feel like i can be myself around him. I broke up with my BF to get away. Now that I am gone he is trying hard to get me back. he has promised to change and honestly I believe he really wants to. I love him but the past makes me question it. what should i do?
2007-02-16 04:41:11 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Absolutely not! Don't give him any chances any more. I've been there done that. People don't change. He can promise you everything just to get you back but sooner or later he will do it again because you forgave him and gave him another chance. In his mind it means that you will give him another and another chance... it will be a visious circle.
Value yourself, you deserve the best.
Good luck honey.
2007-02-16 04:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anyuta M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's the abused woman syndrome. Lots of people, including the abused person can't understand why the attraction is still there, even though their head tells them it is the wrong to be with the abuser. Keep telling yourself that you did the right thing--and by the way, congrats for getting yourself out of that. Time and continued counseling will help you to get back to yourself once again. It seems weird and crappy right now, I know, but in awhile you'll begin to feel better. As far as tips to stay away? If you start to think about it, make yourself think about something else or do something else to distract yourself until the urge passes. You'll have to treat this like breaking an addiction, because that's basically what it is. Keep coming on here asking and answering questions. There are people here who have been through what you're going through and it helps to know you're not alone. Chin up, girlfriend.
2016-05-24 07:03:37 · answer #2 · answered by Kathy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things can get a little scary in relationships and people like him really have a way of manipulating women. Don't let him trick you into getting back with him because it sounds like he can switch personalities quickly. He might just be that amazing guy again for a few months and then back to the emotionally abusive guy he was before. I wouldn't go back for a second because then you're letting him know he has control over you and he doesnt! It might be hard, but stay away.... Have people who can help you keep away from him so you're not in it alone.
2007-02-16 04:48:08 · answer #3 · answered by cm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey! The reason why he's telling you that is because he doesn't have you.
His temper and disrespect worries me. Men who treat their girlfriends that way have really low self esteem. By trying to control you and your life is the only way he feels better about himself.
I think it's GREAT that you got out of it before it got worse [and if you go back, it WILL get worse!] You should more FORWARD, not BACKWARDS!! Close this chapter, and find a man who will treat you with respect and love YOU, your music, your clothes, your mind, and will help you live and fulfill your life, not trying to stop it! If you still live together move out as soon as you can! He's toxic, you need to move on!!
2007-02-16 05:27:16 · answer #4 · answered by Judy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, he might only want you back so he can do it all over again & try to control you. You don't need to be with anyone like that, he could end up hurting you if he hits you or starts to. If you feel comfortable with the other guy then tell your ex "I dont need this kind of stuff in my life." and try to get over it. You never know, your guy friend could be perfect for you. Good luck!
2007-02-16 04:48:09 · answer #5 · answered by ElizabethKay™ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont know how young you are but from my past history which i will never repeat you have made a smart decision to get away from this guy .He only wants you back because he cant get anyone that will put up with his crap.No one deserves to be belittled talked down to or mentally or physically abused.stay away from him as it will only get worse i know i lived the promises and the being talked down to the dirt .Kick him to the curb as you deserve a guy who will love and respect you for you .Dont let no one control your life but you.You are all that matters your happiness and getting back with him will only take you down a road of tears and unhappy wasted energy.Go for someone that you want check them out first .You will find that special mate.Look at this as a life test and you have been tested learn from what you have lived ok.Before you know it this abusive controlling will be a very big part of a past that you learned from.Good luck i know i have lived it.And now i am happy cause i put my life and feelings first.I cant stress this enough it will only get worse if you get back with him .
2007-02-16 04:53:48 · answer #6 · answered by Donna Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are describing here is a typical abuser who is trying to control you (can't talk to other guys, criticized, comments, name calling, etc.) instead of appreciating who you are.
He may say he wants to change, and he really may believe it himself, but the chances of someone changing who they are is slim to none. People don't usually change - they just become more fully who they are.
You broke up with him for a reason. When you consider getting back with him, just think about what it was like just before you broke up.
Do you really want to go through that again?
.
2007-02-16 04:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by PaganPaul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking this guy back could be your last big mistake, a recipe for disaster. Men who brutalize women - even if only verbally - are creeps and not likely to change for the better. Don't even look back.
Good luck.
2007-02-16 06:11:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him, he sounds like he is no good. Don't let him try and talk you into taking him back.
2007-02-16 04:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jacuzzi Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he can "change" he is the way he is don't look back move on to another realtionship with your friend...good luck
2007-02-16 04:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by Jane_Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋