HELP!!!!!!!!!!I need you opinion GUYS ESPECIALLY?

Question

I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half (im 20, hes24). And Since we became "official" a week ago,I started to get VERY jealous. He is very friendly with his friends and it really bugs me,I know they've all been friends for a while, but it still does.I told him before we started dating that I was a very jealous person and he said he was ok with that.Last night i shoved one of his female friends when we were at the bar when i saw her getting too close to him.He got really angry with me and said I embarrassed him. when I asked him if this was "it"he said no,but it is all up to me.He said he wants whatever I want and that I should know how strongly he feels about me but I could tell he was acting distant.When I left last night he told me to call him when I got home(about a 30min drive).I did,but he didnt pick up.He works today at 8am,so ive text him saying sorry,and called him,still no answer.What do u think and what should I do now?I want to talk to him tonight in person!

Answer 1

It's easy for guys to say they can handle something, but when the situation actually occurs is when they have a problem with it. You jealousy probably came off as very extreme, and yes he was probably very embarrased. If he cares about u, it can be mended, but u need to stop texting him, and calling him. You are making yourself look needy, and desperate. (another thing guys get scared off by) It is best to give guys their space when situations like that happen. They like to calm down, and gather their thoughts, not get into big discussions about it right away. The relationship is new, so u have to be very careful on how u handle this. When he does call u, don't get into some big conversation, don't cry, just simply acknowledge his feelings, and that u are sorry for embarrasing him and that u made a fool out of yourself, and u also feel very embarrased. Acknowledge that u know that he has had these friends a long time, and u have thought about it and realize how immature it was. Assure him it won't happen again. Then u have to make sure your words are followed by actions. He will be watching how u act in the next while to see if this is going to be an issue in your relationship. If u care about him and want a future with him, then u need to get control of your jealousy. He doesn't want to date those girls u are jealous of, remember that, he picked u, so let him develop feelings for u and learn to love u without u scaring him off because of your own insecurities.

Answer 2

He's clearly extremely put off and disappointed with your behavior. What made you "become" so jealous a week ago, or have you always been this possessive and insecure?

I agree with the above posters, you might think that you can deal with jealousy by just not giving her a reason to be jealous, but a truly jealous person will find reasons that you haven't even considered. Once you see jealousy first-hand, it really makes you take a huge step back and re-evaluate if you want to be in a relationship where you feel you have to walk on egg shells and watch everything you say for fear of how she'll interpret your behavior. That sounds like what he's doing by not returning your contacts, and I would react the same way.

He's scared and concerned, and he has more right to be so than you have to be jealous. Why are you so threatened by his friends? Didn't he already choose you? If they've been friends for awhile, he's had plenty of time to make up his mind about whether or not he wants to be with her.

If my girlfriend ever shoves any of my female friends because she thinks that they're "getting too close" to me, I'll break up with her on the spot. No questions asked. My friends were here before her, they're be here after she's gone.

Especially your last line, "I want to talk to him tonight in person!" tells me that you're acting clingy and controlling. He obviously wants some time to himself to think things over, and my guess is that you could use some time alone as well.

Let him go for now and learn your lesson; jealousy is not attractive, nor is it terribly healthy. You're the one that will have to make some behavior adjustments for this relationship to continue, but right now it's his decision if he wants to stay together at all.

Hope to get a second chance. Don't count on a third.

Answer 3

Jealosuy can kill any relationship...but its also a two way street. You have to gage whether or not what happens is really worth getting jealous over. The best way is to put yourself into his shoes. How would things look if the roles were reversed. If he is doing things that cross the line and he would consider wrong if you did them, than you have every right to be jealous and its his fault for making you that way. Really what it comes down to is respect. You have to respect that he has friends that hes close with, and he has to respect that you are sensitive to other females giving him attention. Just communicate and then once you know where that "line" is you can suppress your jealousy by returning back to your reasoning in your own head. Not sure this makes sense totally but its hard to explain.

Answer 4

Sweetie, it was a bit out of line for you to shove that girl, for any reason. The reason you are so jealous is because you are putting too much emphasis on this relationship. I would first suggest you allow him to have his space. This is very important. dont contact him for a day. If he contacts you, fine. When you do talk, pretend like nothing ever happened. If he brings it up, apologize and change the subject. Then get a life. Go out and learn to skydive. Join a book club . volunteer at a childrens shelter. whatever. go out with your friends. the reason why you are acting like this is because you think your options are limited. They are not. Whem you get a more fufilling life you will realize this and when you do all these things you become more attractive to him and other men. good luck.

Answer 5

Jealousy, without cause, comes from insecurity. It's not like he was hanging all over some chick, it was his FRIEND, who he's known longer than you, that in your opinion was too close...was she like rubbing up against him seductively or what??...You may be mistaking a relationship with "ownership" and trust me, they ain;t the same.

I think you showed your immaturity in more ways than one, first by the very act of getting jealous over nothing, and second by shoving someone, and third, by asking "if this is "IT". Is everything with you relationship ending? Babygirl, no matter how hot you are, you have no right to shove someone. This ain;t a marriage, it's a bf/gf thing, it may not even be long term, at least at this rate it won;t be. Gee, let's see...ya think he was mad?? I'd have sent you packing if you shoved one of my friends. Right then and there.

You need to apologize to ALL his friends, and especially the one you pushed if you want any hope of saving this relationship, then you need to get some counseling to deal with your jealousy and what appears to be anger issues, and honestly, even if this relationship ends, get help so you don;t screw up some another relationship. Cuz at some point in time, you gonna run into someone who beats your *** if you push them.

Bet I don't get best answer....darn it..

Answer 6

Really, you hurt his ego and image. You know, guys tends to be a macho image in the eyes of somebody especially girls. Your approached is not good in the eyes of his friends. Better not tend to do that thing again, if ever you can win him again. Try to call him and say that you're so sorry for what happened. Talk to him frankly and in a nice way that; you are a jealous kind of person, you don't like the way things happened, etc..
Jealousy is not love, it's insecurity on your part. Trust him and respect him so that he can feel the love that you felt for him. Never try to destroy your love because of jealousy.
Love, trust, and respect are the fromula for a true love.

Answer 7

Tone down the psycho. He is 24. He is going to have alot of friends and probably a lot of girls he's banged before and is still friends with. he is going to hang out with his friends. If you don't like it, tough. He could probably be with alot of girls and he chose you (although he is definately rethinking this now), so calm down and let a 24 year old male be a 24 year old male.

By the way, warning him you were "very jealous" is pointless since, from him, he probably thought that you would get cutely defensive and kissy around other girls, not violent.

Unfortunately I see no future here. Maybe next time?

Answer 8

You know, I think you should not be so happy to admit that you are a very jealous person. As a guy, I can tell you, point-blank, jealousy is NOT a character trait I am looking for in my girlfriends. If a girl came up to me and told me that she is a very jealous person, I would be backpedalling out of there so quick she would think I was on a moving walkway.

Newsflash: it is entirely possible for a guy to have friends who are girls, with no hanky-panky happening between them. I have plenty of girl friends (that is, friends who are girls) and my girlfriend knows all about them. Likewise, she has plenty of guy friends and I know all about them too. They were friends long before I met her, and same with my friends and me. Everyone knows the boundaries and we all respect them.

You are still a little young, so you have time to work on yourself. Your boyfriend was smart enough to tell you "it's all up to you" -- do you want to ruin a perfectly good romantic relationship because of your immaturity (and being jealous of your bf's girl friends is a HUGE sign of immaturity, especially since YOU KNOW that he is not cheating on you with any of them), or do you want to GROW UP and behave like an adult? The choice is really yours. Remember: he was their friend long before he met you, and he still will be after he dumps you because of your petty jealousy, so either way, he's cool. However, if you get dumped because of your jealousy problem, you will have neither friend nor boyfriend, which makes you a double loser.

This guy is your BOYFRIEND, not your POSSESSION. You don't OWN him. He has a life, and that life contains friends of both sexes. What, are you going to shove his sister around if she hugs him in public? Are you going to slap his mom if she kisses him on the cheek? Get a grip, girl! You have NO REASON WHATSOEVER to be jealous of anyone. Period. I mean, here we are, barely a week after you two became an official item, and you are shoving around his friends because you are jealous of them? WTF is that about?

On the other hand, I have to also wonder about a guy who hears his girlfriend tell him "You know, I am a very jealous person" and then he goes "I'm OK with that". Either you have boobs the size of Australia, or you must be a monster in the sack, because otherwise I cannot justify being with a girl who's a body double for the Green-Eyed Monster. No way.

Get your head on straight, go over to his place, apologize in person both to him and to the friend of his that you shoved in the bar, and then work on your jealousy issues...because if you get dumped over this, you will still need to stop being jealous for the sake of the next guy who becomes your boyfriend.

Good luck. You will need it!

Answer 9

first things first GROW UP. you have only been dating this guy for a month you have no right to push his friends away from him..You are half way out the door already. If you want this relationship to work stop apologizing and start acting like you can trust hm

Answer 10

He's angery and doesn't know how he feels.

Your jealousy is a trust issue. If you can't trust someone, then there is a problem. Either they are not trustworthy or you have self esteem issues.

I have lots of women friends and have never cheated on my wife. I would not have a woman as my friend if she was a danger to my marriage. ie hitting on me..

If his friends are sluts, I would be worried. Cause a good man who wants to keep a long term relationship would distance himself from temptations...

Good luck.

A~