Do you think spanking is wrong no matter what the circumstances?

Question

Personally I look at my 13 month old son and think that no matter what he ever ever ever did, I would never spank him. I'd let my little angel baby run me over with my own car before I would let him have it. But then my SIL's son, who is a little older, throws a cup of milk on my floor and I could string him up by his toes! So I have a new-founded sympathy for parents who let their kids get away with murder, because I might be one of them one day.
But I don't want to be one extreme or the other, and I don't want to raise a bad kid. I got spanked once or twice with my dad, and am still resentful to this day. My mom smacked me more often, but it wasn't as dramatic, and it only fueled my rage, not causing any real physical pain, and again, I still get mad when I think about it. The fact is my sister and I were good girls and its either because of or in spite of the disipline.
I'm just lost sometimes when I think about what kind of parent produces what kind of kid. Anwers?

Answer 1

It is great that you choose not to spank. As a parent, you need to make an informed decision on how you discipline your child. Probably about 95% of people on this site will tell you all the great things about spanking. They say "I got spanked and I turned out fine, spare the rod etc." Most will justify it by saying "Spank out of love, not anger or there is a difference between spanking and abuse or only spank them if they are about to touch a hot stove or run into the street." These comments are the most popular ones of pro-spankers. These people seem to think that spanking has to be the only alternative to good behavior.

I am in favor of discipline and believe that you can raise a spoiled, unruly, aggressive, uncontrollable child if you are a permissive parent. These types of parents provide no discipline at all and let their children run the show, give in to them or just have no structure, rules, consequences or consistency. I believe that you can raise children with no spanking. I am against it and we use time-out, removing priviledges or redirection (distracting) for toddlers under 2 years old. It really works for us and we get alot of compliments on how well behaved our children are. They respect us and do not fear us. Spanking is one of the easiest ways for parents because it lets you rule your children through fear.
Pro-spankers raise their children relying on old habits and impulses because that is how they were raised. Their tendency is to have no motivation to learn and improve. They lack child development education, have had no parenting classes and most likely do not work with children professionally. They blame (not spanking) for the state of people today. You are making the right decision to not spank. You can raise a self confident, happy, well behaved child without spanking. Check out the supernanny website or the dr Sears website. They have such great, effective ways of discipline that really work. Hitting just teaches that it is okay to hit and like yourself, creates resentment. You sure don't want your little boy one day as an adult being so angry at you for spanking him. Good luck. The more educated you are on this topic, the best you will be at parenting. Parents who spank seem to lack a bit of intelligence.

Answer 2

If you are talking to a DHS worker they say no. It is a form of child abuse.
However, What mind frame is the person who is giving the spanking in? Anger or calmness.
I was spanked as a kid and personally I am a bit surprised I never got more than that.
A spank doesn't hurt a kid if it is done in the right way and for the right reason.
If your 5 yr old is smothering your 2 yr old. A swat on the butt will let him/her know you don't do such a thing, along with verbal no.
spanking a kid because you had a bad day or stressed or for no real reason is wrong. of course everyone will have an opinion.
but I spanked my kids when bodily harm or injury was accuring by the kid. They say now that they are older it did not scare or bother them. They hardly remember it. My sister never spanked her kid, used a corner, time out, speaking and she had some tough dealings with a teenager. So who knows. A child learns from a parent by the way the parent acts. As my dad used to say you teach your kids how to parent! You don't just raise them.

Answer 3

90% of the people will tell you spanking is wrong.

I'm going to tell you that spanking is not wrong, abuse is. There is a difference between the swat on the but, and a fist to the head, but once again, people go overboard and assume that all spanking is bad.

Do I spank? No. I did spank when my son was little and he did something that put him in grave danger, like running into the road or climbing on the stove. I had to because he was to young to understand the consequence, and I'd rather have him upset and have a sore bum or hand than had 3rd degree burns or be killed by an oncoming car.

Seriously, you need to just find your parenting style, and if you are comfortable with spanking, spank away. And don't let all these hippie liberal freak parents tell you that you are a bad parent. At the end of the day, they are not responsible for your child or his/her actions. You are. It's your responsibility to raise the child to be a respectful, responsible member of society.

Answer 4

I got spanked by my dad as a child and it was an effective type of discipline until I was about 10, and then my parents realized that taking my phone or tv or grounding me was a much more effective punishment. so at that time I no longer got spanked.

I believe in spanking my son, but it is not an effective punishment for all situations. Each situation is different and should be punished according to the crime. I can remember as a kid I would get punished in a variety of ways, timeouts, extra chores, I have had to write 1000 sentences once.

I think people misunderstand that when a parent uses spanking as a disciplinary tool, its not the ONLY way we discipline our children. We use many other methods before we resort to spanking, and no we don't beat our kids, but sometimes a good firm swat to the behind gets your point across much better than a timeout.

Answer 5

I have to start by telling you about my own kids. I can take them anywhere and not worry about bad behavior. I get more teachers telling me that my kids are the kindest and most well behaved kids they have in class.
My kids are happy, healthy, and smart little people. All four of them listen to what they're told. I know that if one of them were about to touch somthing dangerous, that they would listen if I said "no".
Yes, I have spanked my children. However, I very seldom have to do it. I think it's the fact that they know I WILL do it if I HAVE to that makes them rethink some of their behavior.
With little ones, it's much like learning not to touch a stove because it's hot and hurts. If they are trying to stick their fingers into a fan blade, I slap the back of their hand to show that it hurts along with a sharp NO!.
I can't remember the last time i've had to spank any of my 4 kids.
I can tell you that i'm very proud of them (and myself) because they are so well mannered.
I am very consistant with them and they know that I mean what I say the first time I say it.
Don't take all of this to mean that they get more structure than they do love. My kids are smothered in hugs and kisses every day and they know how much they are loved.
At least in the long run, I will know that I did all I could to raise them into good adults.
My folks spanked me if the saw fit and I am a well adjusted adult.
I've never been in jail and i've got respect for other people.

Answer 6

I believe that sometimes kids do deserve a spanking(nothing that is going to leave a mark) But a little swat to mean that you are serious. This maybe the only way to get their attention if they are continuing to act out. My cousin son is three and he will kick and hit at her and she has no control over him. I believe this is a time for spanking him so that he knows he is not the boss and he needs to listen and act right. My three year old on the other hand has never really had to have a spanking I will say do we need to go to the bathroom to get a spanking and she usually straightens right up.
I don't believe in spanking with anything besides my hand.

Answer 7

No, I dont think its wrong, unless the kid didnt do anything, my daughter is 17 months old and my husband and I have spanked her (not hard of course) but children that dont get disciplined turn out to be animals. They get to do what they want and get what they want(spoiled brats)like my brother and sister-in-law. And then some get so out of hand that the parents say "I dont know what to do, I cant control them" well if they wont have disciplined them from the beginning they wouldnt have been like that.

I got spanked when I was a child too and I have no hard feelings against my parent I understand why they did it, and they didnt beat me, and I would never beat my daughter, but if she acts up and telling her no doesnt do it then a smack on the butt will.

Answer 8

I'm not against spanking a child for discipline purposes. However, it should only be done to correct their behavior, not to physically hurt them. Of course, there are other means of discipline, but you have to find out what method is the most effective. I was spanked quite a few times as a child and I turned out just fine with no resentment towards my parents. I guess it's all a matter of personal preference.

Answer 9

I hate spanking my daughter... HATE IT!

But, sometimes when she tries to go near the stove to grab a pan off of a hot burner or stick her finger in a light socket... I slap her hand. Not enough to make it red or anything. But enough to make some noise.

She is 17 mo. and she KNOWS what hot is. She knows what hurt is. She knows what not to touch that will hurt her. She associates my slaps with what could hurt. I know it sounds bad but I would never hit her for breaking a vase or hitting a friend because I believe that teaches wrong. You have to practice what you preach in this situation. Always explain why your actions when disciplining... Don't just say "no" and walk away. Even to the youngest child because, no is one of the most used words by us parents. It becomes meaningless after a while.

Answer 10

I think spanking is wrong- PERIOD. There is no excuse for someone hitting there child. So many people make up all these sorts of reasons and excuses, like "well, I only spank them when they really need it", or "I would never hit them with an object, I just smack them on their behind". Give me a break!!! No wonder our society is so violent. How can you possibly justify and explain to a child that its ok for mommy and daddy to hit you when you do something they don't like, but its not ok for them to hit one of their playmates when they do something wrong??? Anyone with basic intelligence can figure that one out. Too many parents take the lazy, easy way out. Instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan to raise children, they decide to use spankings to make their child fearful, embarrassed, and resentful. We are a Christian family and have been criticized by our own church for not "doing what the Bible says" is the correct way to parent. I have had countless other Christians tell me I am doing our children an injustice, and they will grow up to be spoiled, disobedient people. Well, we have raised our children without any sort of physical discipline whatsoever, and our children are extremely respectful, well-mannered children. We can take them anywhere and know they will not cause chaos. They do not talk back, and when they are asked to do something, we get a quick "yes sir, or yes m'am" and they get to it. So, it all boils down to this: every parent is given the authority to raise their children pretty much any way they choose. I personally could care less if someone wants to hit their child to get them to do what they want. But don't complain later when the child becomes sneaky, trying to get away with whatever they can and not get caught, or when they become resentful towards the parent. My husband was spanked as a child and to this day, he talks about it. It is everyone's choice. I would suggest really researching it and talking to as many parents as you can, as well as listen to what doctors, educators, and psychologists have to say on the topic.