Should parents mention when they plan to bring their children to an evening with other adults?

Question

I recently planned an evening with three other couples (two of the couples have children). No one mentioned children and I assumed the couples with children would be leaving their kids home with sitters. Though the evening had to be cancelled for unrelated reasons, I later found out both couples had planned on bringing their kids. When I was young, my parents would never have taken me out with their friends without mentioning it first. Has etiquette changed?

Answer 1

No, ettiquette hasn't changed but people have totally forgotten that it even exists.

I agree, if you are planning an evening for couples it seems to be understood that it is for ADULTS, unless you were planning to go to Chuck E Cheese's or something. I believe that children should be specifically mentioned if they are coming.

Now you know though, so you should just remember to say something like, "So, does Thursday work for you? Are you sure you can get a sitter for the kids?" that way there isn't any confusion and everyone is on the same page.

I agree though, my parents never took us anywhere with them until we were about 9 years old and old enough to sit quietly. Even then they wouldn't have taken us out to a dinner with their adult friends.

Answer 2

Yes, I think many people these days just assume their children are invited whenever they are invited. Etiquette has not changed, but I think people in general have lost consideration for others and then situations like this occur. I love my child, but I don't necessarily like other children when they interrupt my dinner or evening plans. When I get together with friends, some with and some without children, we always ask if it's a kid friendly event. I have no problem getting a sitter because I know that other people don't always want to deal with my child, even though she's pretty well behaved. The other couples should not have assumed their kids were invited, they should have asked.

Answer 3

It depends. Do you usually go out together with the kids? If you usually do and it is not a problem, then it is up to you to let the parents know that it is an adult night. I personally have a few friends who I hang out with that bring their kids everywhere with them, so I know that if I plan something I should expect the kids unless we plan for something different.

In this situation, I would think that since not everyone had kids and it was a large group of adults, it should have been discussed before bringing the children.

I don't think it is a change in etiquette, but a change in the types of social situations that we find ourselves in and also the types of relationships we have with friends.

Answer 4

I would have asked originally when the plans were being made. I take my children with me if i go some where, if they are not allowed I wouldn't go. My 6 year old is invited to birthday parties all the time I call the parent to find out I they want the adults there for the fact is I have two other children and I don't see it polite to bring them to the party, so if adults have to be there my daughter can not make it.I personally do not like to ask someone to watch my children and do not have the family to babysit them. As a child my parents friends all had kids so when they got together we always came. More less it is always safe to ask when making the plans.

Answer 5

I think that when parents are invited out if there's no mention of not bringing the kids, they may not think about it or may assume it's ok for the kids to come. Especially if they know other couples invited have kids as well. Babysitters are expensive now days and paren't bring thier kids a lot of places. And if they are working parents, they probably want to spend as much time with the kids as possible. Best solution, if you are inviting friends with kids over or out to do something, word it as a couples night out or something.

I don't know exactly what was planned, but unless it's something like a fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant or something else that would clue them into the fact that kids shouldn't go, they'll proably bring them.

Answer 6

Times are very different nowadays and common sense has flown out the window. The couples should have checked with you first to see if children were ok but perhaps your invitation could have been worded differently to make sure they understood the invite was adults only. People expect that they can take their children everywhere and anywhere. I've seen toddlers at adult movies WAY past a reasonable bedtime. Children run the parents these days not the other way around. It's really sad but I only see it getting worse. Children are too "entitled."

Answer 7

I would absolutely mention that I would bring my kids. In fact, I would ask if it would be okay. Etiquette has certainly changed, the world is a different place now, unfortunately. Most parents think their children rule the universe and they let them tear up things at the supermarket, run around in restaurants, etc. It's a shame.

Answer 8

It's possible they thought it was going to be a family outing to a child friendly place. I don't think it's a big deal, just in the future make sure if you want it to be an adult only thing, let all the couples know by asking about sitters. Maybe say, "do you have a sitter in mind for such and such a night yet?"

Sometimes it can be hard when there are children involved. If you have more than one, it gets tricky finding sitters (very expensive)

Answer 9

If parents can't afford a babysitter they should be allowed to bring their children with them. Yes you should mention up front that the party is just for adults.

Answer 10

i think that maybe when organizing such an evening it should be mentioned up front that it is an adults only evening. I personally would have called you to double check if kids were allowed or not. I would love to have an evening with no kiddies around!