I've been with my boyfriend since I was 19 for 5 years. I moved to the place I live now to be with him. He was 28 then. He has a job that is going nowhere, he doesn't pay attention to me, all he does is play video games, and he put me in a lot of debt. He says he loves me - and I believe him. I've been trying to go places in my life, going to school, getting a good job, finding hobbies, etc.
I found a new apartment, and went to see it last night.
When I got home, I told him it was over. It was so heartbreaking because I do love him. He said he would change. I hurt him so bad. He said he saw his "three ghosts".
My question is this:
I want to talk to him, and if he shows me he can pay attention to me, and he goes to school to get a career, and cuts back on the video games, maybe it can work. But I'll also tell him that's no guarantee, and we may be prolonging the agony.
What should I do? I told him I will be leaving tomorrow. He begged me not to go yet.
2007-02-16 04:02:34 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Finally a woman with some f*cking BALLS!!!! Dump the loser, sweetie!!!!
He'll change...................for about 10 minutes!!!!!
Good for you!!
P.S. He'll be fine...........masturbating and playing video games!!!
What is he, like 12????
Mr Happy
:o)
2007-02-16 04:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by hagtagg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You two seem to have completely different goals and ambitions in life. In the long run, it probably won't work. I think you are making the best decision for yourself by cutting all ties. It's been five years and you have yet to see any change. Of course he doesn't want you to go but is he begging you to stay for the right reasons? It seems as if you make his life very easy (while making yours more stressful) and you both are just enjoying the comfort of such a long relationship rather than enjoying the love and passion between you two. Honey, he probably won't change but don't let his laziness and bad habits ruin your life! Move into your new apartment and start school! You can do it! The longer you put this off, the harder it'll be. You've already said you were leaving, that was the hard part. Now, just be strong and independent and go through with it. We're all behind you!
2007-02-16 04:14:37 · answer #2 · answered by Summer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely doing the right thing. I think a good idea would be is to move out and keep your relationship on a probationary level. That's not to say that if he does better, you should immediately move back in with him - but you could potentially start seeing each other again. The most important thing is that you get your life together again and evaluate where it is and where it's going, whether he is or is not by your side.
Debt is no joke. And it's even more serious when it's someone else who put you there. Do not compromise yourself and your future at love's expense. Can you imagine if he had put you in so much debt that you weren't able to move out at *all*?
"I want to talk to him, and if he shows me he can pay attention to me, and he goes to school to get a career, and cuts back on the video games, maybe it can work. But I'll also tell him that's no guarantee, and we may be prolonging the agony." -- Smart move on your part. You sound like you barely need help!
Buena suerte!
2007-02-16 04:08:55 · answer #3 · answered by rayediance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a girl has got to do what she's got to do. If you keep waiting for him to do something then your waisting your time. He knows how to make you believe him and I'm pretty sure he's not going to change any time soon. So this is what you should do. I'm hoping your a smart girl and want the best for yourself. Leave and go to your new apartment. Keep your relationship as ONLY friendship. Tell him that you don't want any promised and that you want to see him do the things he said. He's 28 and by this time he should already be having a job, going to school and hanging out with his buddies. Instead he is not doing anything and playing video game. He says he loves you and you believe him. Plus if he's not paying attention to you and he only does it when he wants something then your the one going nowhere. Do yourself a favor and leave him. Hang out with your friends, have fun and get on with your life. If he really loves you he would go and find you and prove to you that he can also do something for yourself. I'm married, going to school, working and have no kids. My husband is 25 years old and has been working in Construction for 8 years. He did it on his own. I'm pretty sure the guy can do something. Don't let him hold you from getting on with your life. You've done so good so far, don't let it go to waste.Good Luck
2007-02-16 04:16:25 · answer #4 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, all of your questions were answered in your paragraph above. You're 24 and you really want to be with a guy that isn't paying attention to you and is pretty much a poster child for uselessness?
He's comfortable and you're not anymore. I know its hard to leave a relationship especially since you're used to him being around, used to the companionship (what little there is), or just having a warm body to come home to.
You had to leave in order to find better things in your life.
I say keep it moving and get out of this relationship. He's not going to marry you and its doubtful he's going to change.
You're young, find someone closer to your age that has a purpose, a goal and is going somewhere. Get the apartment and don't let him change your mind.
He did not see "three ghosts" all he saw was his regrets and now he has to deal with the fact that he no longer has a woman and he squandered his opportunity.
Leave, look past the begging and the "man-crying" and the "I swear I'll change speech".
You want to leave, I say you do. If you don't you'll regret it. The apartment is available for a reason, I say take it as a sign.
Good Luck.
2007-02-16 04:11:41 · answer #5 · answered by Jane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't feel bad, but according to me both of you are to be blamed and are responsible for what has been happening.
Why and How? Let me explain:
1. Lets start with your boy friend. He is a parasite. He borrows money from you and does nothing except play video games. He is inefficient and can't stick to any place. He can't concentrate on his work and pretends that he loves you.
2. Now you. I really admire your commitment and devotion for this guy, but you have never gave him a boost to encourage him. Neither have you thought for a minute that he is a parasite. Finally you tell him to break up the life-long contract. For you kind information, you are being a parasite too. When you see that he is no good in bringing home the bacon, you just kick him out.
You both are responsible
2007-02-16 04:16:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to soar like an eagle when you live with a turkey! Part of a healthy relationship is the uplifting and supporting of one another. You were very young when you entered into this relationship. Our priorities and values change as we get older. This is what is happening to you. You are changing (which is normal for someone your age) and your boyfriend is content where he is. If you truly love him, then give him the respect of communicating with him your feelings, wants, needs, and desires. Set some boundaries and tell him what you want out of the relationship and where you want the relationship to go. He needs to be honest with himself and with you. If he doesn't want to head in the same direction as you, then cut the ties and move on. You have a full life ahead of you. You never know what life will bring your way!
2007-02-16 04:30:44 · answer #7 · answered by crzynluv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard about trying to change someone? If he isn't ready to change on his own he will resent you eventually (maybe not today or tomorrow but in a few years and then it's over anyway). Go ahead and move into the apartment to give you both time to grow and see where it goes from there. Start to date again, etc. See if the relationship continues again, if not, it's over, if it grows then it was meant to be. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-16 04:07:42 · answer #8 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you made the right choice to go on your own. You have been with him for 5 years and he took you for granted and now that you finally got the courage to leave he says he'll change, but trust me he won't. Life is too short to be involved with people who hold you back, your still young and the best is yet to come. Do what is best for you, not him. Things will be very hard at first but well worth it in the end.
2007-02-16 04:39:51 · answer #9 · answered by Cleo85 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has had 5 years to show you what he can do. From what you just said he was 28 when you moved to be with him. He is know 33 and still not doing what he needs to do?
Girl please. You are only 24. You need to move on. If he truly wants to be with you then he will get his life together without you and maybe you can give it a try later on.
Leave.
2007-02-16 04:08:37 · answer #10 · answered by missie_d_73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I have witness in relationships is guys always say they will change but about 10% of them do and the other 90% does not. You should move into the apartment and give him 3 months to get his act together and if he can prove himself to you that he change you go back with him but if he cannot then you need to end it.
2007-02-16 04:12:52 · answer #11 · answered by belizeangurl_one 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋