ok, last week a napkin was sticking out my boyfriends pocket with writing on it. I took it and looked at it and it had a girls number on it. He stated he was going to tell me about it, but I don't know. Anyway, he made an elaborate display of throwing it away.
Anyway I have found out he has been texting her, although I told him she was after him.
I confronted him the other day, he denied it for ages, but eventually admitted that he had put her number on his phone and they had been texting.
Ok so I didn't go mad, but said I was upset that he lied to me about it - suggesting he knew it was wrong. He has asperger syndrome (probs with communication, he sometimes sees things from only his point of view), and accused me of making him feel bad. As usual, it was my fault as he felt bad. I try to be patient and understand, but he knew texting that girl was wrong.
He has female friends who he keeps in touch with, that is not a problem.
Advice???
2007-02-16 03:41:53 · 31 answers · asked by silva_kitten 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well is he texting dirty things? or is he just chatting?
cuz my boyfriend just chats with this girl on his phone, and i dont really mind, as long as he doesnt do it when we are out on dates and stuff.
but keep an eye out.
2007-02-16 03:47:09 · answer #1 · answered by <3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He shouldn't make you feel bad for being upset about it, how would he feel if it was the other way around and you were texting some guy you met. If he threw the napkin away and then put the number in his phone then it looks like he's trying to hide something, and lying about it just makes it worse. Confront him about it, if he says she's just a friend then suggest you all getting together for a drink and see how he reacts.
2007-02-16 03:47:57 · answer #2 · answered by aleta_uk_0 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a new female on the scene, you're right to be a little suspicious. His Aspergers might make communication about this issue a bit difficult, but he has to understand that not telling you about something, and/or lying about it, makes you naturally suspicious. If he were open and above board, you might not have to worry... but he was hiding things, and he knew it.
If he's not willing to draw this new female into a group outing or something similar, I'd be worried a bit more. You can't nag him to death over it, but you have the right to ask him questions until you're satisfied as to whether he's developing a new friendship, or a path toward straying.
2007-02-16 03:47:55 · answer #3 · answered by Jarien 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has Aspergers he may not have understood the emotional implications of doing so fully but understood that it was wrong in some ways. Have you sat down and tried explaining why it is making you feel bad because that maybe the problem that he doesn't truly understand why its hurting you ( i was with someone with Aspergers and this was the kind of problem he had but of course everyone is different) . Or offer to meet up with the girl with him so that you show that he can have friends and you want to get to know them but don't want him going behind your back because it makes you nervous.
2007-02-16 03:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by mintycakeyfroggy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, if he denied it and denied it, then eventually admitted it, then that means he doesnt have a problem lying to you. Thats red flag number one.
Number two is, he should be allowed to have friends who are girls, but, if thats all it was, he wouldnt have lied about it.
your third red flag is, this asperger syndrome youre talking about. ive never heard of it, but it sounds like hes using it to his advantage. by telling you that you made him feel bad. you know what, OH WELL!!! he made you feel bad, so who cares? you get what you give in this world, and it seems that he wants to turn the blame around on you, so that what he did goes overlooked. dont let him do this to you. if he gets away with it, he will do it all the time.
2007-02-16 03:47:39 · answer #5 · answered by Erin P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship is now 50-50 i suppose. Because texting other girls can develop a guy's feelings for her. I think you should talk about it seriously because you love him, right? And of course, he's your boyfriend and he should understand that it's not good to text a girl when you have a girlfriend. Even if he gets mad at you, defend yourself and tell him about what you think and tell him that he should understand what you're trying to say to him because you love him. But be sure that you tell him the right things to say and don't go over your limitations because he might feel worse about it. Take care! :)
2007-02-16 03:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by Faye ^___^ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please, do not let his illness make you look stupid. It sounds like your trying to make an excuse for his behavior and discipline him at the same time. You know he wouldn't be cool if the shoe was on the other foot. The only thing I can say is when you get tired of his behavior, you'll know whats best for you, because no one can tell you what to do in this situation. You'll know when you've had enough of the lies. Take Care!!
2007-02-16 03:57:12 · answer #7 · answered by Sharon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he's doing is absolutely wrong. If you know this girl is after him, and you TOLD him she is after you, and he keeps texting her, he is disrespecting you and your relationship. If he really does care about you, he won't put your relationship on the line by talking to this other girl. And then when you confront him, he turns the table on you and makes you feel bad? That is really crappy. Tell him it pisses you off when you secretly text a girl who is interested in you. If he doesn't stop after that, it will lead to cheating - believe me. If he doesn't stop, move on. Good luck
2007-02-16 03:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by Nikole L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if a guy texts a girl its because he wants something! you need to find out what that is - all guys chase girls because they want something - sometimes its just a quick roll in the hay, sometimes its more than that. Or maybe its just the thrill of the chase, not knowing if you will catch him. i would check how often he is texting her that shows how much he thinks of her. Maybe he will stop now you've caught him. lets have a little faith!
2007-02-16 03:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by anna63 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of his aspeger syndrome, if you know that he openly texts other girls, and yet he kept this one a secret from you, then you've got every reason to be worried. I can't help thinking it's a bit naive thinking that she's after him. There's every chance it could be the other way round. Either way, I'd be suspicious and on my guard if I were you .
2007-02-16 03:47:14 · answer #10 · answered by Wafflebox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he still thinks you are the one - what's the problem? It is only texting after all. If it goes any further then make a big scene.
2007-02-16 03:46:20 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋