He is a HS dropout, jobless, doesn't like rules and prefers living with friends rather than family. He only calls his father when he needs something.
When his friends kick him out, he stays with his aunt, but she is no longer allowed to have anymore adults stay with her.
I am afraid that his father will ask if his son could stay with us in our small 1 bedroom apt.
I really don't want him with us.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
2007-02-16 03:35:44 · 15 answers · asked by ♨ Wisper ► 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are not wrong to feel this way but it is his son and no matter what, he will always love him. Whatever you do, do not give your husband an ulitmatum of "Him or me" because you likely won't like the answer. 21 is still young and he still has some growing up to do. Possibly moving in with you and his father with the appropriate rules enforced will help him develop into a man. It isn't easy but it may be what the boy needs.
2007-02-16 03:43:24 · answer #1 · answered by scarbados 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong for feeling however you feel; your feelings are entirely understandable, given his background. Be sure, though, that you share your feelings with your husband; he'll be the one to make the decision about his son, but he does need to know how you really feel about this situation.
Once he decides, you can then choose to agree or not, and then act upon your own choice. If you and he are as close as you hope, he'll probably agree with you - but he may not, and you need to be prepared for that as well.
As for your stepson, if he is really a deadbeat dad, his children - your grandchildren - have certain rights which must be protected. I'd suggest talking with the authorities about that situation; I doubt either your husband or you want to become part of that mess, and you may if this stepson is living with you.
Good luck to you. You can handle this. You sound as if you are one of the few responsible adults in this mess; do what you know to be right.
2007-02-16 12:07:32 · answer #2 · answered by MomBear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong to feel this way. First off the guy is 21 years old. He should be mature enough to have his own place and stop relaying on friends and family to bail him out. Talk to your husband and tell him that you would prefer that his son doesn't stay with you. If his son does stay with you, you should get a bigger place and set up bounderies. Tell the son that in order to stay with you he needs to get a job and contribute to the house. If he doesn't respect that then you shouldn't take him in at all.
2007-02-16 11:54:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jaime A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand what your husband is going through. Think of your stepson like he's your. How would you react to this situation if he really was your son.
You still need to talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel and why. Try talking to your stepson. Have you tried making him see reality? If he is the way you say he is and doesn't want to change then you need to talk to your husband. And by taking him in it will only make him worse. He needs to get a job and his own place. Helping him out until then fine, but if he is not going to do them that's another. If you do let him stay with you. Then you and your husband need to set ground rules.
I really like the guy above me's answer!
2007-02-16 11:45:59 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I would not say that you are wrong for your feelings. HOwever it is your husbands son and he has every right to allow him to stay in the home if needed. Sorry this comes along with marrying a person that has children.
2007-02-16 11:49:13 · answer #5 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you come home one day to find your stepson camped out on your couch you and your husband need to have a good long talk about this boy and then his father should sit down and have a good long talk with his son. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-16 11:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his father sounds like a deadbeat too. You live in a 1 bedroom apt? Save your money and move up to a trailer park, maybe he could sleep in the bathtub in the backyard or under the porch with the dogs.
2007-02-16 12:12:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong to feel this way,but you also need to understand the way your husband feels. This "deadbeat father of two" is ALSO your husbands son!!! And, no matter what our kids are or do, they are STILL our children, and we still love them!! Your husband is caught in the middle of a bad situation.
You never said if you and he have children?? Try putting yourself in his place. What if it was YOUR child instead of your husbands. Would YOU leave him out on the streets??
2007-02-16 11:57:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong and I don't blame you for not wanting him to stay with you guys. It sounds like he's a moocher. Maybe if he doesn't have anyone left to mooch off of, he will get out on his own and find a job and a life. Good luck, you'll probably have a lot of drama.
2007-02-16 13:27:30 · answer #9 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong, and his father should not enable him by letting him stay with you. The boy needs to grow up and be a man. Hopefully your husband feels the same.
2007-02-16 12:00:08 · answer #10 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋