...I think she is hiding. She prides herself on being strong and independent and we usually agree on everything from home furnishings to food so when I said I want to have an extremely small wedding (no tuxs, no guests, just me and her) I wasnt surprised when she agreed. But I think (Im pretty darn positive) that there is a small cute little redheaded princess in her that just wants a big white dress and go through the "big white wedding day". But she will never admit to it, so what can I do to get that little princess in her to show its true colors? I mean, I want her to be happy first and foremost, but how can I do that if she won't come clean about herself?
2007-02-16 02:56:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you think she wants a larger wedding, congratulations, you're not brain dead!! :p Of course she wants the people that she loves around her! Girls dream of their wedding day from the time they're 2 feet high, trying on their Mommy's high heels and lipstick. And while she loves you and knows in her head that the wedding is the least important part of the marriage, there's going to be a huge part of her that is probably mourning that little girl's dream of a beautiful wedding day, surrounded by everyone she loves, as she finally gets to marry her prince.
You can get her to come clean by showing her that it's okay to still want a little piece of that fairy tale, even though she's all grown up. Show her a picture of a beautiful wedding and tell her how much more beautiful it would be if it was a picture of you and her. Ask her about what she dreamt of when she was little, and see her as she was then, hopeful and wistful and in love with being in love. She's trying to be strong and practical for you, but she has a lifetime to do that! Your life together will be long and sometimes very hard. And she'll do things for you that you can't even imagine right now. She'll take care of you when you're sick, she'll comfort you when you're sad, and she’ll endure horrendous pain to bring your children into this world. And when she's old and is watching her grand daughter trying on her Mommy's heels and lipstick, she'll think back on her wedding day and tell the story of the way you two started off your lives, and your family. All you have to figure out right now is how you want that story to be told, with her smiling and feeling love at the fact that you gave her back a dream she was ready to abandon, or with the practical recollection of a day that went by too fast, and with too few people to share in her love for you.
Good luck. :)
2007-02-16 03:15:24 · answer #1 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well just tell her what you've told us. You can "sense" that she wants the wedding. And why wouldn't she. Seriously, it doesn't have to be a 300 guest wedding, but even if it's 50 guests she can still wear the big white dress. Hopefully a girl only gets married once in her life - that day is a special to her as watching the Superbowl is to you guys. Just tell her "you know what, I've changed my mind, let's have a wedding!" and watch her (probably green eyes since she's a redhead) light up! Congrats and good luck!
2007-02-16 11:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here you go. You expressed your wishes before finding out hers. Now you want to discover hers. In the future if you REALLY want her view ask it before giving yours.
Now you have to work with what you currently have. She has agreed to a small wedding. Accept that. Don't push it. You can get in more trouble by trying to get her to say what you "think" is on her mind. You are not a mind reader. Stop pretending you know what she thinks. If you really did know you would not be in this position in the first place.
Here is how to handle it. You have both agreed to a small wedding now turn the plans for this wedding over to her. Ask her where, when, what you will both wear, who will be present. Flowers, decorations and what ever. An intimate wedding is often very much appreciated by some women.
Not every woman really wants or even feels comfortable with a hundred people and spending a lot of money on just one day.
Some of us prefer to have only those she is closest to to be present. Some ever prefer to have just that one special guy there. After all it is he whom she plans to spend the rest of her life with. Right now you are the most important person in her life.
If you you feel your doubts are well founded or even not, open up your plans just a little and allow that she may want one or two significant other people (person) there.
What ever your choice make sure the day is very special. Make sure she has flowers, a new outfit for her of her choice; she can still wear a traditional gown. You should have a very special dinner with a very special dessert. And of course what ever special beverage you both enjoy.
I had a simple wedding with flowers for my hair and flowers for my maid of honor's hair. I chose no boquet. I made my stylish floor length gown of a pale pink brocade. We had a friend make a small cake beautifully decorated and I found a crystal wedding cake topper at a thrift store. We bought a few plants to decorate with and later had these for our home.
My husband wore his best suit. and a boutineer of the same flower I wore. His best man wore a carnation.
We went to an intimate historical inn, in the next town We spent the night with our attendants . We paid for all the rooms. We had a sumptous gormet dinner in the dinning room or the inn. and a luxuarious breakfast. We toured the historic town and had a "old timey "wedding photo" made in historical costume and gave one to each of our attendants with a book of poetry. We toatsted with champange.
The inn was haunted and we stayed in the haunted room. So we had unseen guest celebrating with us.
We had favorite music on CD and even did the wedding march down a winding stair case into the great room of the inn. We provided disposable cameras for each person and took lots of pictures including the spectacular winter mountain seanery all around us.
Neith my husband nor I like large parties. We did not have family close by and chose carefully those who would take part in this very important ceremony.
2007-02-16 12:39:20 · answer #3 · answered by mutvulture 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have said anything regarding what you want. If she's so independent and strong, then why does she not have the ability to express what she really wants.
I would just sit her down and begin talking wedding plans. Tell her that you are thinking about changing your mind and having a little bit more of a traditional wedding. She what she says. Get her excited about it, and then she will probably let you know what her heart really desires.
2007-02-16 11:08:10 · answer #4 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to tell you, but wedding days are overrated :)
WE did not have th emoney for a big bang wedding and party and such. So kept it small, and also the dress and rings and everthing,
we spent most money on the 2 weeks honeymoon, whihc was a welcome holiday form work for us. that was the best part anyway.
We are now 2 years married, and I can tell you, she is not thinking back to this day. We are living our daily lives, going to work, having fun together and such.
Its only that exciting before that wedding day, lets saym during planning. You want to kame a big bang wedding, then you look at the cost, and if you dont have a big sponsor, like rich parents maybe....you know what I mean, right ?
no worries. just get married, and have a nice holiday. I remember my holiday (aka honeymoon) better then the wedding day.
good luck.
2007-02-16 11:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I commend you on wanting to make her be happy :)
I would just tell her flat out that you've been thinking the wedding is not such a bad idea.
TRUST ME, chances are slim that if you have a quick civil courthouse wedding, she will be totally satisfied with taht. She will always wonder WHAT IF about her "Big Day" that could ahve been.
Maybe you guys can just have a small/intimate ceremony with fam and friends :)
GOOD LUCK
2007-02-16 11:05:00 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When a girl dreams of getting married she dreams big, she wants to walk down the aisle. she wants the whole thing. she wants everyone to know and to see the guy she is marrying.maybe she just agreed to what you said, to make you happy, but really wants a big wedding. sit down and talk to her again. and ask her how she really feel about the wedding, and that you want to know now. If she really wants the big wedding, let her have her dreams. that will be the day that you both will remember for the rest of your life. congratulations on getting married. Does not matter if you get married just the two of you, or the big wedding, You will be married either way.
2007-02-16 11:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She is a lucky lady.
Tell her that you want her family and closests friends to be present as well. Tell her that you want a red headed princess dress in a beautiful weding gown, walked on the aisle by her dad. Tell her that you still would like a small, intimate ceremony, but you wanted the special people in your lives to be present in the most special day of your lives.
Congratulations and best of luck
2007-02-16 11:32:24 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask us. Ask your fiance. I urge you to tell her everything you just said and give her a chance to tell you what she really feels.
And if she says she wants a bigger wedding. Let her have it. You don't want to start your marriage with hidden resentments and regrets.
But it is important you approach her in a non-confrontational way so she feels comfortable telling you her true feelings. Make it clear that you want her to be happy first and foremost, but you can't do that unless your extra sure of what she wants and needs. Good Luck .
2007-02-16 11:07:26 · answer #9 · answered by genuine1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that this is going to be one of the most important days of your lives and you want to do it right. Ask her once and for all if she wants a large wedding and that you will gladly agree if she does. If she still says no then you have done what you can.
2007-02-16 11:01:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋