My past is just plain horrible and its coming back to haunt me in a major way. Lately my dirty little secrets have come to the light and my boyfriend is not happy about it. Before we met I had sex with my friend (who i wont mention his name) and so my boyfriend keeps saying "yall used to bang....I know it" and I would deny it to the fullest. So last night around 11 oclock or so I asked my friend if he would bring me my calculator for my math class and when he showed up at that hour it made my boyfriend suspicious (we were talking on the phone) ok, to make a long story short, I confessed about having sex with him once, but we never did it again and now he is mad as hell cus I lied and said we never did it. Now I feel sick cus he was really hurt that I lied to him. I apologized and he said "I really dont want to talk to you right now" and he hung up. I love my man so much, he is so good to me, but I have a feeling we will be breaking up soon, what should I do?
2007-02-16 02:20:16 · 21 answers · asked by BlkBeauty24 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
DO NOT listen to these naysayers. You love him, right? Okay, so you lied. We all lie once in a while, and - when we do - if we are honest with ourselves and we aren't malicious people, which I assume you are not, we usually do it to save ourselves, or the person we love, from something.
Further, I assume you lied because:
A) you didn't want to deal with your BF's questions and suspicions
B) you didn't think he could handle it
STOP STOP STOP beating yourself up about lying. You are not a horrible person for lying. You're not a horrible person at all. That is the first thing you do (if you can't forgive yourself, how can anyone else?)
Next, go to your BF and say something like, 'I am so very sorry for not being truthful to you. You have to know that I wasn't honest about so-and-so because I didn't want to hurt you. I see now that being dishonest wasn't the way to earn your trust. I really care for you like I've never cared for anyone, and I deserve the opportunity to earn your trust back. Let me show you how much I love for you. Let me show you that I couldn't possibly desire someone the way I do you'.
The rest is up to him. You seem like a smart girl; stand up for what you want, and don't give up. If - and only IF - this guy is worth it, give HIM the opportunity to see you as the savvy and sophisticated person you are.
Good Luck!
2007-02-16 02:36:35 · answer #1 · answered by Lorese K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
so you are telling us that you called another man over to your house for a calculator at 11:00pm at night whom you have slept with and it was just friendly. I think you may need to re evaluate your self. It would be an awful thing to lead both men on. If I was your boyfriend I would be suspicious too. What is done in the dark will always come to light !!! remember that! Make the right choices!! and tell him the truth if he cant handle the truth then that is on him but dont lose your creditbility as a person for a silly mishap you had before your boyfriend. Tell him why you lied about it and that it meant nothing, compromise on how to handle the situation. Do you really need this other man in your life. Could you have used your computer as a calculator or cell phone? do you still like this other guy? if so stop playing games. explain to your boyfriend that what was done in both of you two pasts has nothing to do with the present. You are not hounding him about previous relationships. But you have to put this other guy behind you if you want to start new.
2007-02-16 02:34:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jan l 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give him the space he wants and when he does talk to you again, apologize and explain that you didn't want him to be upset about it so you figured it was better to deny it but that you can understand why he is angry.
Just whatever you do, do not call him a thousand times leaving "I'm so sorry" on his answering machine. That will probably just annoy him. If you have an open relationship where you talk a lot then things could get better. But, you have to be willing to communicate effectively which means you listen, answer, and try to take into consideration the other person and what they are feeling. But, that does go for both of you.
Good luck.
2007-02-16 02:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by Andi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The lusty area of any relationship is about 2 years. in case you and he are not any further having a impressive time, and in a bonded marriage, and also you spot more beneficial damaging than useful, and no destiny, then certainly bail. i do not see that any children are in contact, so your existence continues to be all about you and his all about him. If he's flirty with different women folk, quite he's not husband cloth...wasn't then, ain't now. And for particular, no longer sire cloth. And once you've any loopy nutty theory that a touch one is bonding, please be re-suggested.... children are not any further bonding they are divisive, as a majority of those unmarried moms will allow you to understand...because into an fairly warm eye-catching relationship (that you at the moment confess is lacking) is now this shrieking newborn stressful of the mummy and doing away with from the interest to him, and giving it to the newborn. it is in trouble-free terms an extra beneficial aspect to cope with... children are a lady aspect, no longer a daddy aspect, and few adult men are waiting for the jolt in the previous age 30. So, certain, hon. If he's being a jerk, and also you spot no reason to proceed, you guess, bail. existence is tooooo short, and exquisite, mature adult men toooooo accessible to address a ding bat for a husband.
2016-12-04 06:16:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider it a good lesson learned and don't repeat the mistake. Also, if your boyfriend had such a need to know your sex life before him, he probably is not a secure person anyway and whether you said yes right away or after he wouldn't be happy. Go find a guy who loves you for who you are right now and not for the things you did or didn't do before. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-16 02:25:44 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"And the truth shall set you free...."
Never, ever lie - it only makes things go from bad to worse when you are found out.
The only way to TRY and erase the damage a lie has done, is tell the truth - the whole truth to your man. Let him know the circumstances around your sleeping with this other guy (no excuses, though) and tell him how you truly feel about this other guy. If he agrees to give you another chance, be grateful. If he kicks you to the curb, be understanding and give him time - he may not be ready to forgive you right away.
I wish you well!
2007-02-16 02:27:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should call it quits. He may feel like he can never trust you again. That is not the kind of relationship that you want. You should have told him the truth from the beginning. Then maybe he would not have gotten so mad at you. If you guys are meant to be then you will get back together. He probably needs some time to himself to think about you guys being togther.
2007-02-16 02:26:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your current beau to grow up and get over it. It was before you two were a couple, and you don't owe him your past. I mean, you and your friend could have continued on and built a relationship (sexual, romantic) but you chose not to. You chose to be just friends, and your guy has to give you credit for selecting him over this other guy. If he dumps you over this, don't loose any tears, he probably is a very insecure person who would have difficulty with you having any type of relationships where he is not involved.
2007-02-16 02:25:39 · answer #8 · answered by buggsnme2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would say if your current bf cant handle the fact that there was sex before him then he doesnt seem much like a nice guy. I meen you guys had sex once no big deal. Tell him to get over it or get out of ur life
2007-02-16 02:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by Natasha0443 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*********************BEST ANSWER HERE********************
Nah, tell your current boyfriend to grow up.
The situation happened before you got with him, so it's a non-issue.
What if you picked a fight with him over his past girlfriends?
It's a neverending cycle.
Tell him if he wants to have hang-ups over someone that was BEFORE your relationship, then maybe he needs to live life a little more and grow up.
He should be concentrating on you and making you happy instead of trying to find flaws and point fingers.
Tell him, he can be mad at the cat all day long, but somebody's always around the corner saying, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty."
He'll straighten up after that. Or he'll step. Either way, you'll let him know that you're more mature than that BS. You didn't tell him because IT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS BEFORE HIM..
One love, Babygirl.....................
2007-02-16 02:26:44 · answer #10 · answered by HottNikkels 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋