Parents asking for money. How do one say no without feeling guilty?

Question

Growing up, my parents were telling me and my brothers there is no money for laxtury. I never had new clothes toys or books. I was told those items are expensive,
When I was a teen ager, I started working as a babysitter and my parents took my earnings. Over the years I realized that my parents live well, go abroad on vacations, go out to restaurants. Basically, the money issue was brought up only when it came to buying 'un-necessary' items for the kids.

Years later when we were already grownup my father's business calapsed and my parents had to sell their nice home.
I have a nice career and a good pay check. Now they come to me asking for financial help. I give them a few hundered dollars here and there, but, I regret it in my heart, because I feel it is so unfair that they are coming to me for help. On the other hand, I feel really bad if they ask for money and I say no. Is there any good way to say no and feel ok with it?

Answer 1

It sounds like your parents need more than just money. I suggest the following. Next time they ask, tell them you will loan them the money they need, dependent on meeting with someone to discuss their finances.

I found it very difficult when I was at a low point and had to ask my parents for a loan, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to ask your child.

Answer 2

If you really regret giving your parents the money, then you need to speak up. You also may want to deal with the anger you are feeling. Contact a counsellor or your church pastor. It sounds as if you are really harboring a lot of anger, especially after growing up and realizing that they lived a very good life while denying the children (anyone would resent that). Getting your resentment out in the air could help you to heal, also. Have a talk with your parents sometime when they aren't asking for money and have a third unbiased person there so it doesn't become accusatory (just tell them how you felt when you began to realize that they denied the children to live the good life for themselves)
You could also tell them you don't have spare cash because you have started to invest your money for your future (and retirement) so that you won't be in their situation. Whenever you do have some spare money, buy a grocery store gift card, restaurant gift card or that kind of thing to give to them "just because" when YOU feel like it, not when them come begging. Good luck and God Bless you all.

Answer 3

There is no way to not feel guilty. You are connected to them and your happiness is dependant on their happiness. This doesn't change because they raised you strictly.

You do have the ability to say no, though. If your budget is just not big enough to help them, then tell them that you would love to help, but you can't and know that you are honest.

The least painful way to deal with this may be to set a small amount that you can give them regularly so that you are helping in an easy, budgetable way. Then say no to all other requests.

This will give them income they can count on and save you from having to cough up large amounts that set you back. Think of them as your favorite charity.

Answer 4

Sounds like your parents did a poor job when it comes to managing there money. I would not give in to the guilt. You are not responsible for there finances. Giving them money is not helping them with there spending problem. You are only giving them a go to person soon you will be expected to pay for things and it will not be considered a loan or be appreciated. If you could not help they might think about there bills rather then the next trip.

Answer 5

I feel there is a difference between wanting and needing. If they truly need your help, for food, clothing, housing or bills, then by all means continue to give it to them and bite your tongue.(provided they are not spending whatever money they have frivolously). They did provide you with the everyday necessities growing up, just not the luxuries. Now on the other hand if they want you to pay for a night out for them tell them the same way they told you...you do not have extra money for unnecessary items.

Answer 6

We have the same situation only difference is My mom and dad is seperated now and my dad is really hurting bad on money so he keeps asking me some money... DO not give them money, they are old enough to find a job. Helping them is one thing but it seems like your family is looking at you like an atm machine and thats not good.. My dad keep telling me I owe him for taking care of me when I was a kid therefor i need to give him money... I told him never not a single penny!!!

Answer 7

In your case i would say no unless you feel like their taking advantage of you.My family is the same way when my sibing or mom asks for money i want to turn them down but then ,I look at it from another point of view if I needed money who would I can I depend on to give it to me.

So sometimes I say yes if I have enough to give, and other times i say no . I feel guilty and all but then who wouldn't.

Answer 8

You are the only one that can put a stop to this. Just say no..if they haven't figured out by now how to budget their finances they never will and will continue to come to you. Once they figure out you are not going to help them anymore they will stop asking you. Stop feeling guilty..I am shocked that they used to take your babysitting money. Sounds to me like they have some real problems and they are trying to make it YOUR problem.
Good luck you can do this.

Answer 9

Just tell them there is no money left for luxury items such as supporting other families. Tell them you have a tight budget and there really isn't anything you can do to help them out.

Answer 10

Tell them get a job.You cannot support them forever.They are taking advantage. I could see if they asked you to buy food.