What advice would you give to someone living with post traumatic stress?

Question

My mother went through a lot of stressful and traumatic incidents in her life. She seemed ok, but now I suspect she is exhibiting post traumatic stress. (I'm living in another country, but will return next year, when my term of service is up.) I'm here on holiday, to be with her. I noticed that her nerves seem to be constantly on edge, vulnerable, forgetful, agitated. She told me she knows she has post traumatic stress, but she refuses to go on medication, and doesn't trust counsellors.
So what can I do to make my mother more calm and relaxed given this situation?

Thanks.

Answer 1

She would benefit immensely from professional help to deal with PTSD. I have it and did not realise it at first. Now I am receiving counselling and I honestly don't think I could cope without it. It is helping me to deal with my emotions day to day and talk about what happened which is very hard and painful.

You can also gain from talking to people who deal in trauma and they will help you to understand what to do and how to cope.

Answer 2

Oh my god, i read this and my story is so similar. My mother and i both went through a very traumatic experience 10 years ago...we both have signs of PTSD and a psychologist diagnosed me.
My mum won't take medication or see a consellor either although she has the symptoms.
You need to be there with your Mum as much as possible (but also give her her own space too) and make sure she knows you care, and that you are always there to talk to. (Wherever you are)

Remind her that she is a strong person...she must be to come through all that, she is still here so that shows that she has fought her battles and won! Tell her that if she hadn't have experienced all those things, she wouldn't be the strong person she is now.

Explain that there are some very good counsellors out there to help her. I found that therapy helped me understand why i feel like i do, and that it' ok to feel like that!

The best you can do though is tell her how much you love her and how you need her too! :-) I really hope you Mum gets better (And mine)
I wish you all the luck in the world.
:-) :-) :-)

Answer 3

The getting well is in your Mother's own hands.

I would normally recommend seeing a counsellor to talk over the stressful and traumatic incidents, sometimes this can help a lot especially as the counsellor can guide one into thinking about it in another way. But if your Mother cannot trust counsellors that reduces her options a lot.

Your Mother needs to ask herself (and I would put it to her) does she want to get over the post traumatic stress? If her answer is yes there are several options. These are:

-Go back to GP to see what options are available.
-See a counsellor (your Mother may find one she can trust)
-Take up Yoga, Tai Chi, Relaxation and Meditation to help cope with the stress.
-Attend Workshops on Stress Management.
-View Mood Gym on-line

In the end your Mother has to take responsibility for her own healing.

Hope she can be courageous enough to do so as I do believe it will continue to affect her until she tries to overcome.

Even though talking about it can be very distressing it is also releasing the trauma and if your Mum can do so with the aid of a trained Counsellor so much the better.

Good Wishes for a Happy, Healthy future.

Answer 4

PTSD is not something one can get over in one day or even in one month. It is a very debilitating disorder and she really needs some sort of therapy. From what you have included in your post, it seems like she is maybe suffering from severe anxiety. Unfortunately, if she is not yet ready and willing to accept help, then there is nothing you can do but show her love. Keep encouraging her to take on hobbies she enjoys, visiting friends and other positive activities. Try to suggest her to visit other counselors and therapists. She probably doesn't trust them because she hasn't found someone that she can truly connect and open up with. Good luck!

Answer 5

See if you can talk her into going to a support group. It's not the same as one-on-one counseling. Paranoia can be part of the symptoms. If you have a lot of influence with her, tell her how you feel. Display compassion, understanding and patience with her. The bottom line is that if she refuses help, there isn't much you can do. PTSS is a serious medical condition that requires professional help.

Answer 6

She needs to talk and talk and talk about the things that caused this. It really is the only way. The flashbacks that many people get with this disorder is the mind's way of trying to make sense of the events. The more it comes out into the open the better and the sooner she will come to terms with it.

Having said that, she should not spend ALL her time talking and reliving it as that would be worse. A healthy balance of good things in her life that she enjoys and to be able to relive and offload the experiences that are upsetting her.

Hope that helps.

Answer 7

One day at a time. Help her realize that we only live one day at a time. Part of the PTSD is in the thinking of the future and it's possibilities. If she can skip thinking about the future altogether, her symptoms may lessen.

Vacations to idyllic places are always helpful. May I suggest Hawai'i? No passport needed, and it really does help the soul believe in life and peace again.

Hobbies that engross a person's complete attention also help to calm the nerves. Learning to crochet or sew can help her refocus. There are many charities that need people to make warm scarves and mittens for children who don't have them. It will also help her feel vital to 'fixing' the world a little piece at a time.

Books are also a great way to escape, but by no means a cure all.

Think of ways to help her pull the focus off herself and redirect it positively.

Answer 8

You don't give a time frame but it REALLY doesn't sound like PTSD. PTSD may have been the initial trigger but now it sounds like depression. She has self-diagnosed PTSD because it can be easier for people to "blame" an outside cause but it is quite likely a misdiagnosis. Don't accept it too easily.

I would treat it like depression (itself a very serious problem) that may be linked to a lack of clear purpose in life at this stage. I would avoid PTSD unless you get very clear indicators now that it is likely to be the cause.

Incidentally, if it is really PTSD, then stuies have shown that counselling can be counter-productive and just "getting a grip" and living life as best you can may produce quicker healing rather than revisiting past events.

Medication doesn't address the cause. Counselling is at best of limited help. What she needs to do is replace the unhealthy thoughts with positive ones by getting busy doing other things. Volunteering or even looking after a goldfish works wonders. Seriously.

Answer 9

You should really try to get her to seek therapy of some kind. People deal with these conditions in there own way, and it varies from person to person and the events that caused PTS. You can just be there for her and try to find the root of the problem. Be very careful in what you do, people in these sort of situations can slip into depression at the blink of an eye. best of luck, hope things work out ok.

Answer 10

You can't. She doesn't want to get better. That's the whole point. She does know that she needs medication and counseling and she's refusing. So that's it. If she really wanted to feel better, she would do whatever she needed to do for that to happen.

It is very common for people who are like your mother (mine was the SAME way and did nothing but drink) to become addicted to their misery. Your mother probably doesn't remember what it was like before the trauma--she's so used to her pain. There is also a GREAT fear of counseling. They would drudge up all that stuff from the past and even though it's always on her mind--talking about it to another person would make it feel like it was just happening all over again. Be kind, understand. Bring her joy where you can.