When to leave a bipolar person??

Question

My husband is bipolar. He said alot of mean things and is abusive. All the doctors say is it is hard for them and you need to be supportive. At what point do you think about yourself? I really know the answer to this but I cannot talk openly to people I know so I am just looking for a liitle support and someone to talk to.

Answer 1

Bipolar is no excuse for being abusive. I am sorry, but it isn't. If he is acknowledging that he is having some problems with being manic and he feels anxious or stressed it is supportive to then avoid and give space. However, you should never allow yourself to be abused, or allow the illness to be a crutch for terrible behavior. I think you should go to counseling on your own and with him. He may need anger management help. He may need more or a different medication, he may need lots of things but that is no excuse. So many people with the illness want to use it as a crutch for every stupid thing they do. I will admit that being ill is not fun and can lead to major issues, but it doesn't excuse us when we are in touch with reality enough to know what right and wrong is. I say that you stay until it starts to feel harmful to you, until it is getting you down unless he is willing to really work on the situation. I strongly suggest that he get involved with Wellness recovery action planning as set up by Mary ellen copeland. That will help to put him in control. The doctors can help with medications, but only he can help himself to get well. He has to take control of his illness for himself. Big huge hugs to you honey. I will turn on my email stuff in case you want to send an email at some point or chat. Hugs.

Answer 2

What you are saying is that you get the cross to bear and have to carry the weight of the problem. You are in a conundrum when your instincts for self preservation kicks in big time.

I can only say two things. First, like all parents say "you make your bed" meaning there must have been indicators
in the past that were already red flagging you that he has mental problems.

You have gone past "IGNORE" to firmly being married. It is too
late to beat yourself in the head and cry out"What was I thinking?"

Now for the next part of the advice " You must lie on the bed you made"- is the conundrum. We are in another century, so there are a lot more options than suffering for the rest of your life.

Check your heart. Will you have enough love there to give forever when you have your life ahead of you? Dealing with mental health problems of the caregiver healthy spouse has been looked at by mental health professionals. Talk to your husbands doctor first. Youd be surprised at the depth of the advice you will get. How to approach it would be to ask when he will get better. so go ahead and look after yourself.

Answer 3

Well, my mom is bipolar and I know how hard it can be to live with a person with a condition like that. If he refuses to take treatment or his treatment is not working, then you need to talk to him. Unfortunately, it is very hard to reason with a person who is bipolar. You also need to take into account the type of abuses he uses on you. Abuse is never okay and there are many methods of help for bipolar sufferers. Do not feel guilty or selfish because you want to end the bipolar drama that you have with your boyfriend. These relationships can be toxic. I know because although I love my mother, I do not get too close. Often the brunt of the instable mood swings are taken out on the person that is closest to them and loves them the most.
He needs help and you need someone to understand.

Answer 4

My sister is bipolar and while I don't actually live with her, I deal with her on a daily basis. This is a very tough disease! I empathize with you.
As long as he is willing to go to treatment and to honestly try what his doctor recommends, then I hope you will try to stand by him.
According to my sister, she sometimes doesn't even remember saying or doing things that are hurtful. When i tell her, she is sometimes appalled at her own behavior.
it is a very difficult situation to be in and I give you a lot of credit.
You do have to think of yourself, however. If possible, try tto have outlets for YOU. Do something with friends, etc. and keep your sanity! Many times I have been tempted to 'leave her be' like others have done, but something inside tells me that she needs someone to help her.
I don't know if that helps or not- just know that I will be praying for you and your husband and I hope that he finds the right medication to help him. In the meantime- God bless and keep you.

Answer 5

yeah, my spouse was bipolar and was a strong person and didnt need much support nor was abusive. i have seen the abusive and violent side of bipolar people though. its scary. when folk are manic, they won't sleep, and normal people need sleep, and you are never sure what will happen if you go to sleep.

i think you have to make sure he stays on his medication (lithium or the like). the side-effects of the stuff are bad, so people dont like being on it.

i am not sure what advice to give you regarding the relationship. each relationship is highly individual. maybe, its too difficult to bear at times. i think without you, maybe there is nothing but government assistance or possibly his family that will allow him to function.
if you are married to him, you have a certain obligation to make sure that he is ok, however if the abuse is too much to bear, you need to find a new way.

Answer 6

I know someone who is bipolar and he had to try alot of different meds before they found the right ones for him. He also was mean and abusive until he was put on the right meds. Be patient if you love him.

Answer 7

if you want your husband to calm down during a manic phase, i insist you give him mood-stabilizing drugs.
If this is not effective then certain anti-convulsant drugs may be given. Once sympotoms are under control, your husband will need regular follow ups to check the signs for mood changes.

Answer 8

If you are thinking of leaving him, then you should.

From another perspective, there are millions of people you are "compatible" with and would make an excellent partner for you. Don't waste any more of your precious time and love on someone who isn't going to give you the love you deserve.