want to speak to my 16yr old daughter but she cut me out her life?

Question

daughter was out of control with alchol and smoking and cutting up ended up fighting with her now a year later she still hates me i cant live with it social work took her side in it she is with an older man of 26 i can hardly get on with my life single mum

Answer 1

Dear u need to talk to her b4 its too late. By hook or by crook talk to her n tell her what she is doing to herself. Tell her wat U r facing n feeling. Try to create bond b/w U two.

Answer 2

That's really hard. You devoted your life to her? & then got blamed...
Yeh, you can use philosophy EG. "What goes around,comes around" but that's really no solution, cos you'll have to wait another 16 years or so, till she's suffering like you are, having made the same choice (& mistakes?)
So... what can you do?
Yeh, you could write a letter, or email, or speak to her social worker (just to tell her you are there if she ever needs you), but I wouldn't expect too much of a response at the moment if I were you...

You mention she was cutting (by that, do you mean self-harming?) Do you know what triggered that???

Sometimes people get stuck - they get an image in their head...& decide (rashly) that person was to blame! & no amount of logic or arguments will change that. Why? Cos it's easier to blame anyone, rather than accept reality!
If your daughter blamed you (even if that's not true) for her problems, then there's little you can do
except have FAITH...
she will sort it out in her head & contact you to make amends... & then very gradually, you can sort out her inner-muddle...

To encourage that... work towards getting YOUR life on track...
do what you need to do to make your life happier, easier, more pleasant...
Perhaps you also need to forgive yourself??

Understand, when she does want you back in her life,
she may only want you to help her pick up the pieces cos her life's fallen apart... again.
If YOU are stable when / if that happens, you will be able to give her the help she needs.

Oh! & accept, some kids these days never, or only very rarely say thank you. They expect you to do what you do for them cos that's your job. It's almost as if they haven't realised you've got feelings. They can come across as quite selfish - but inside they are the same as us!

Good luck & God Bless!

Answer 3

I know you probably did everything possible to talk to her but do not give up .Just remember you were 16 at one time . Try and write her letters send a card and tell her how sorry you are . Tell her you were going through things at the time and you made bad chooses on how to deal with what she was going through . Even if you may not feel that way it is best to let her know . She doesn't want to hear well it was your fault . No child wants to hear that . She may be hurt and a little embarrassed at this time . At this time you need not to worry about who she is going out with . Most likely she ran to an older man because she doesn't have you or her dad in her life . She just wants to be with someone older who understands her and doesn't question her every move . No matter if he is bad for her do not tell her that . She does not want you to make choices for her . Just be on her side right or wrong or you will never have her back in your life . GOOD LUCK !!!!

Answer 4

Try writing your feelings down in a letter. Tell her that no matter what decisions she makes in life you will always love her and care about her. Tell her that you don't want to criticise or judge her, just to know she is well and be part of her life. If you do get back in contact with each other, NEVER offer suggestions or criticisms about her, her boyfriend or anything, unless she specifically asks for advice. The most frustrating thing about being a teenager is feeling like you don't have control or a voice, this is usually why teenagers rebel by making decisions they know their parents wouldn't like. The best way to combat this is to totally accept all her choices, thus forcing her to react and decide sensibly, not just in a way she knows will irritate you.
If something in the past has usually triggered arguments between you, work out in advance how to avoid it. (This could be a place, such as your home - meet elsewhere, or it could be a person, such as another family member - avoid them during a meeting.)

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you as so many teenagers behave as your daughter has done. Unfortunately at 16 she still thinks she 'knows it all' and would doubt at the moment if she would be inerested in reconciling with you. A 10 yr age gap with her partner could work but at as she is only 16 think there are all possibilities it won't. Don't loose touch of where she is and be there for her. Be loving if she returns but don't put up with her behaviour let her know your love is unconditional but that doesn't mean you have to accept her way of life. Also try very hard to get on with your own life, try to get in to something that you enjoy and will relax you. I am not saying it will be easy and it will all go away but you will only make yourself ill. Sincere good wishes everything turns out well for you in the end.

Answer 6

As has been said the bottom line is to ensure that she knows that no matter what you are on her side. The worst thing you can do is criticize. Make sure she know that she has your love regardless of her choices. Make sure you can follow through with that as well. If she won't talk say "okay. no problem. I love you." send notes and make sure you keep in touch and she knows that you will accept her and help her if she needs it.

Answer 7

Unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do at the moment - perhaps you could contact a social worker and see if they can arrange mediation for the both of you

Answer 8

Ask her friends to tell her she is welcome to come home and you miss her and still love her even if you faught.

And older man of 26 can come too if he is a nice man which he may well be.


he may be what she needs to calm her down (hope hope)

Answer 9

try asking the social worker to have a word and maybe arrage a meeting with you her and the social worker! or maybe she will come to her sences when thigns go worng! and they will? didnt we all made mistakes at that age and think we knew it all? she will realise her parents are her best friends when thigns get really tuff!

Answer 10

you may be worried about your child but the best thing you could do is to let her make her own mistakes and be there for her afterwards...Speaking as an 18 year old who doesn't have a good relationship with her parents I would let her be...she will eventually come to her senses and come home....let her live her life and you live yours...

Answer 11

just bite the bullet and say how sorry you are. Tell her how much you miss her, invite them both round . She may not be able to admit she was wrong if she thinks you will gloat. just be there to pick up the pieces, its all we can do. good luck