Is it my fault?

Question

My toddler is 21 months and can ony sy a few words like mam and bye. He hums most of twinkle twinkle etc.

Development wise he should be saying basic sentances and be able to follow instructions. He can't.

I feel so awful. I study in the afternoons so for two hrs he plays with his toys while I study next to him. We go to toddler group once a week and he stays with a childminder while I study another course on wednesdays. His 4 yr old brother has speech problems too? Is it my fault for not doing enough to help them?

We share 3-4 books a day and look at different flash cards but I rarely have the TV on. I feel so guilty.

Also my 21 month old has started throwing temper tantrums. Is this right for his age?

Answer 1

As to the temper yes it is very normal, just don't react worse than the child and it should pass as long as it does not get them what they want. as for speech you can do things like singing with them take them to the park and let them play with other kids. You do have time to figure out weather the speech would be a problem though as your child does not go to school for some time and you can address most learning troubles before they enter school . Just the fact that you care enough to ask the question says to me that you are aware of the situation and are going to deal with it as it happens so chin up kids just move along at different paces Good luck kiddow enjoy them, they are only little once for a long long time. lol

Answer 2

I'm a mother of two bilingual girls so, I have been there with the speech part.
You have to remember that the "stepping stone" guide for children is just that...a GUIDE. If I had a penny for every time I read that a mother was worried about her child for not reaching her milestone on time then I would be rich!
Every child does their thing in their own time. Example: My oldest daughter walked with 10 months. My youngest didn't walk until she was 15 months. My oldest was potty trained completely with 2 years old. My youngest was 4 years old!
In my experience with my children, they did not talk much at all before 2 - 2 1/2. They said a few words such as "Mama" "Papa" etc. I was worried about them as well. Thank God, we have an excellent doctor and he reassured me that they will talk in their due time. Then it was literally from one day to the next when they burst out talking a mile a minute. And now...I can't keep them quiet!
You are doing the right things with books and flash cards. You sound like a great mother! Not every mom reads a book to their child every day, nevermind 3-4 books!
Just be patient and see how it goes. I honestly would not worry unless he is not talking relatively good by 3 1/2 - 4 years old. Then there could be problems.
And a 21 month old throwing a temper tantrum is 100% completely normal. They do not call it the "Terrible Twos" for nothing. Remember do not reward the temper tantrum.
Calmly pick him up, place him in a room alone where he can't hurt himself, say to him "You can come out when you have calmed down enough to talk to me." Close the door, check on him every few minutes and when he has stopped throwing his tantrum then let him out and discuss it. Even if he doesn't speak well yet it does not mean that he doesn't understand you.
Good luck..though I am sure you will be fine :)

Answer 3

My daughter is also 21 months and she doesn't speak in sentences either. Most of my friends' babies of the same age can't either. They each come along at their own pace. What I have been told though is that she is much more chatty with my nanny. We did baby sign when she was little and she still signs now, so I suspect she is being a bit lazy with me. Do you speak alot for your son so he only has to nod or respond in some other way? You seem like a really switched on parent, so I do wonder if you're almost trying too hard?

If it sets your mind at rest, take your children to the doctor just to check that everything is OK. It might be that they have a hearing problem, for example, that could be resolved very simply. It will at least elimanate a possible cause and the doctor may suggest speech therapy for your eldest son.

And don't worry about the tantrums. They're very common at this age and I expect my daughter could give your son a run for his money!

Please don't feel guilty. You sound
as though you're doing everything you can to give your children the best start in life. You appear incredibly busy, with all the studying and childcare ersponsibilities you have. Make sure you're getting enough time for yourself or you'll find it increasingly difficult to work through emotive issues like these in a clear-headed fashion.

Answer 4

Tantrums are normal, I have a 15 month old and he gets angry even on occaision when not getting his way. I also have an 11 year old, and the tantrums still haven't stopped completely! LOL! She's not that bad though. Its the only way they know to express anger right now. Just try to calm him the best you can and comfort him when he gets angry. As far as the speech, every child is different and he may just be a late bloomer. TV isn't always bad, public broadcasting system (PBS) has great shows such as sesame street which you can watch with your child. This will let him hear other children speak well also and may give encouragement to try harder, without making him doubt himself for not being able to do it.

Answer 5

1) YOU ARE NOT GUILTY!! This is nothing to worry about (yet)
2) Boys tend to develop phsicaly faster than they do intellectually. Also, it may not be a case of not being developed enough, it may just be he chooses not to talk, either cos he is shy, or manages to convey what he wants through non-verbal meens (eg; points to things he wants)
3) the temper tantrums are quite usuall for this age. most people think the "terrible twos" actully start at 2! Not true! I starts around 2yrs old, so can happen earlyer.
I must point out though that one 'cause' of tantrums is because children cannot express what they want. They know it, but cant say it.

If you want to encourge him to talk more, try some speaking and listening - talk to him about what you are doing, what he's doing, anything - as long as you give him time to respond, even if its just a smile or 'babble'. This teaches children basic 'turn-taking' skills in conversations.
When you talk to him, make sure your looking at him and speaking clearly. Sometime re-iterating words to him, espallialy what he says encourages him to try to pronounce words. Both these encourage him to talk and to not feel ignored (feeling ignored can lead to becoming shy)

Answer 6

No! It's definately not your fault. Some children are just slower learners than others. That has nothing to do with you. In fact, if your older child has the same problem it's more than likely genetic. Perhaps, seeing a speech pathologist will shed some light on what's really going on.

Speech is a common area where children lag behind. My brother was similar. He also had a bad stutter. But, my mom was quick to take him to a doctor who refered us to a speech pathologist. Thankfully, he was young enough the process went really smoothly and there's no telling he ever had any problems! He's now 19 and your regular teenage senior in High School. A real sweetie who has a job and his own truck that he paid for. And is college bound this summer.

I have a friend whose son is twenty months and in the same boat as yours. I think he gets fustrated because he hasn't mastered language yet. And, can't express himself. He can't think it but he can't relate that to you.

Don't worry. Just seek out the necessary help and all will fall into place!

Answer 7

First of all No its not your fault, and we all feel guilty if a child isn't being good, or developing how we think they should.

21 months is almost 2years so yes it normal for tantrums hes just a bit early with them be pacient, and keep as calm as you can during this time.

As for talking, its probably because your busy as are all mums/dads with a variety of things. You just need to encorage more talking from him. when he points at things dont just give him them make him ask for it
e.g. points to his drink - you say 'do you want your drink?'
he point again to the drink - you say 'drink' keep doning this a cupple of times and he'll get the idea that if he says drink he gets a drink. do the same with food and toys... he wont do it strieght away so only do it about 5 times then give him the drik even if he doesnt say it. Make the number of time you wait longer if your not getting any reaction on him saying drink with about 2 weeks so he doent get to know that he only has to wait till you say it 5 times then you'll give it him. He wont talk if he doesnt need to, you can also ask the childminder to do these things as well as it will help with his progress if everyone who cares for him is doing the same thing. I'm starting this with my 1 and a bit year old so that he starts to get the idea that he has to ask for things or he doent get it.

You are doing the right thing with flash card and not having the TV on, but you may want to put some music on low in the background while your studding, such as nursary rhymes, music is very good for children...

As for the 4 year old try to get him to do toung twisters like red lorry, yellow lorry... these are good and help the placement of the tounge so they will improve his speach, there are loads of these out there some will be suitable for you youngster.
Try this website http://www.uebersetzung.at/twister/en.htm
I'm doing some with my 6 year old as she mearges words together and its hard to know what shes saying sometimes.

Enjoy the time you have with them now as it goes by so quickly and you miss a lot... dont give up on what your doing, the children will be fine.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Have these children been examined by a Dr.! The Dr. would be able to advise you if this is physical or mental development problems. Maybe the 21 month old is throwing Tantrums, because he is frustrated by not being able to express himself in words! It's hard for us on Y/A to know if this is your fault, it could be something genetic. I have a friend who didn't really talk till she was about 5...She would asked by pointing and grunting, her parents would either Hand to her what she was pointing to OR fill in the words for her...she never HAD to talk! Today she is in her early 50's and a top notch artist/actress/coordinator.

Answer 9

i don't think this is you fault at all, i studied 4 days a week when my daughter was little, and she has no trouble with her speech, children all learn at different paces, perhaps he has a learning difficulties or just speech problems, my cousin is 7 and he's only just learnt to say F's and S's and C's, it's not you fault at all all you can do is support him and offer him help. perhaps the reason that he has temper tantrums could be because he's frustrated because he can't speak and tell you what he wants and how he feels, i think what you should do is talk to your health visitor and perhaps she can offer your son some speech therapy.

Answer 10

I wouldn't say this is your fault for there there late development not all kids develop like they say in books. If your 4 year old has speech problems and your other child does it may just be some genes in the family if you didn't have problems maybe its there father or someone on your side or the fathers side. and your 21 month old is close to the terrible 2's its normal just don't give in to them.