There’s this guy that I have known for years, and I do really like him and care about him as a friend, and we are very similar. However, he really likes me, and keeps sending me flowers, and is really sweet etc, etc. I have been horrible to him in the past to try and get him to back off, but he still likes me.. I am not really nice enough for him… and this is what’s putting me off taking things further.
I feel like I am leading this guy on at the moment, I am not, I just value his friendship.. But the problem is, I do find him attractive, and do want more, but I am just too scared. I have a lot of issues there that am not ready to face, and that’s another reason why it wouldn’t work at the moment.
There is also a matter of distance, he lives 200 miles away from me, and neither of us drive yet… I have made things really complicated, I go and stay with him sometimes, and get ‘lost in the moment’, but he also really irritates me on these weekends. (continued)
2007-02-15 23:40:49 · 14 answers · asked by Tinkerbell 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My friend sends this is normal and natural when you spend loads of times with anyone, but am not sure..
I have mentioned the fact that he annoys me, and that am not interested in a distance relationship to a relative I live with, and she thinks I should cut all ties, and he’s obviously not right.. but I haven’t discussed my feelings with her.. but she’s another reason I feel I can’t get involved.
I don’t really know what to do.. am worried it may just be my issues getting in the way and I’d be letting a good thing go etc..
What does anyone else think?
2007-02-15 23:41:14 · update #1
Thanks for all the answers so far..
Just to clarify, the guy knows where he stands in all this, he knows my reasons.. and is 'happy to wait' so to speak.. I do like him, a lot.. and he is spoken of moving closer to do a course next year, which would be perfect if things are going to work. I am scared of what happens next.. that is my issue. I hate people touching me, I mean really hate it, but again, he knows that. It's silly really. I am being guided to think what am doing is wrong- but that is the biggest problem, and yet am asking other people now. To rework this a bit.. am I really leading him on if he knows where he stands.
We're also going away together next month with some friends.. which am dreading in some ways, because if I do end this, I will have to do it harshly, because he fully believes that things aren't as I say.. even after 2 years (and me reciprocating is within the last month...because I realised I did like him...)
2007-02-16 00:22:51 · update #2
Follow your instincts, if you fancy him as well as have a good friendship then those are the main two factors in a relationship.
Talk to him next time you are together, explain why you are apprehensive about becoming a couple.
You have three options and only you can decide which one you take:
1) keep him just as a friend so you don't ruin what you already have with him
2) Go for it, you could spend the rest of your lives happily together - long distance relationships can work (I have one)
3) If you really can't keep your hands off him when you see him have him as a sh** pal, this sort of open relationship can cause problems if one of you is the jealous type though.
Whatever you choose to do good luck
2007-02-16 00:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by Poppy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me you have made things more complicated for yourself..
he is obviously head over heels in love with you and i do think you are leading him on a bit, you say you don't but still you go to stay with him and get 'caught up' in the moment..hmm. It sounds like you like his attention and you do probably really appreciate his friendship but i am not convinced this is something to go for...not because it ouldn't work but like you say, you have issues you want to work out first. He does sound like a nice guy though so if i was you, i would probably talk to him, say you have to much to sort out and the make a decision on your own after that. You don't mention what you are scared of though...is it past relationships?
Also, if you know already now that you don't want a long distance relationship, then tell him now...no point keep going when you know there's no happy ending there!
Good luck!
2007-02-16 08:01:04 · answer #2 · answered by NewMama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just like yourself i was in the same place where you are i didn't no what to think or if it would work out. i also didn't want to lose the friendship we had.
in the end i took the chance . hat was 6 1/2years ago and we are getting married in may.
not every story will have a happy ending but you should do what you feel in your heart. not what anyone else tells you good luck
2007-02-16 08:03:56 · answer #3 · answered by D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is willing to take the chance to keep trying to be with you, he is a good guy.
You need to relax when you get mad. Just breathe and think before you act or say something wrong.
There is nothing to be afraid of unless you are unsure of being with him which will make you unhappy in the relationship.
2007-02-16 07:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by John Becker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WITH ALL OF THIS DOUBT, ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER THAT HE "ANNOYS" YOU, THEN I THINK YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO END IT. NO MORE THAN THE TWO OF YOU ARE ABLE TO BE TOGETHER NOW, IT SHOULD BE FIREWORKS AND BUBBLE BATHS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HIM.....NOT IRRITATION.
LET HIM GO BEFORE HE GETS HURT EVEN MORE. YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE "ISSUES" THAT YOU ARE NOT READY TO FACE YET. MAYBE ONCE YOU ARE ABLE TO FACE THOSE, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO OPEN UP MORE. BUT UNTIL THEN, I THINK THAT YOU ARE JUST WASTING HIS TIME AND PLAYING WITH HIS HEART....EVEN THOUGH YOU AREN'T DOING THAT INTENTIONALLY. HE SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY GREAT GUY AND HE DOES DESERVE BETTER. (BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT DON'T YOU?)
GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
2007-02-16 07:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it a go and see what happens as you don't wnat to think about this moment in the future and end up regretting that you did nothing.
Good Luck :-)
2007-02-16 07:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
try being nicer to him, it costs nothing to treat people nice especially when they are making such an effort to win you over, despite the distance he could be the man you have been looking for all your life, he's making it clear that he likes you so give him a chance, you just never know....but don't be horrible to him, he's not being horrible to you.....
2007-02-16 07:51:51 · answer #7 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
long distance never works i know i had too many of them to last me a life time.
2007-02-16 07:45:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give it a chance and if it's going nice with u both then well and good.or else forget it.
2007-02-16 07:48:08 · answer #9 · answered by SE7EN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to stop getting advice from people when you are unsure of yourself and how you feel towards him. how are they gonna know what you need if you don't know what you want?
2007-02-16 07:45:26 · answer #10 · answered by kariownsyouall 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋