Do stay-at-home mothers really have no time like they say they do?

Question

Hi I am thinking of having kids. But I often hear that stay-at-home moms (I would probably stay at home) have no time for themselves. Is this true? C'mon, they don't even have a half hour? Are moms truly occupied every moment? Don't children go to sleep? Don't they occupy themselves with toys? Moms make it sound like they are doing something every moment. Is this really true? If I could have one hour a day, I would be happy. What is your schedule like as a mom? Okay, thanks for your help. And I hope I worded things right, because I am a terrible writer! :)

Answer 1

Time is the most valuable thing to me as a stay at home mom. It used to be that the only time I had to myself was during naps and bedtime and usually I was cleaning up after the kids. Now I go to the gym. I get a whole hour to myself and I love it. My gym even offers free daycare to full members so I am taking full advantage of that.

Being a stay at home mom is as bad or as good as you want it to be. If you sit around complaining about having to stay at home, then you (as well as your kids) are going to be miserable. If you take time for yourself (even just an hour a day) you feel refreshed and enjoy being at home more.

Answer 2

Ouch, you hit a very sore subject. I worked 50+ hours a week until my kids were 8, 6, & 3. I worked a swing shift which involved me working from 5am til 3, or 8am til 6 or 3pm to 1am on any given day of the week. It makes me tired just remembering! I was on the go all the time, and my kids spent anywhere from 6 to 40 hours a week at the sitter's...it wasn't easy and to this day I don't know how I (I mean we) did it.

Thanks to a job change I was able to be a at-home-mom for about a year. It was fun. I did everything I never got to do when I was working. Parties, dinners, cooked lunches, my house was clean all the time, I took my girls to the zoo, parks, and started them into dance, sports and orchestra. Things I never or hardly ever had the time for when I was working.

Now my kids are 15, 13 & 10. I work part-time over-night, I am going back to school, 2 of my kids are in 4 dance classes a week, all three are in their school's orchestras, girl scouts, and each has a sport...softball, basketball and soccer. We are going to something almost everyday of the week....and we adopted two dogs along the way as well. The rule in our house is if it isn't on the calandar (only written down by a parent) it doesn't happen!! lol Do I sound like I am sitting around? I would kill for more than one night in a row to sit and watch tv...much less get all the laundry done at one time....it is crazy, it is agravating and it is fun!!

I am crazy busy with my kids and dogs and hubby....and to tell you the truth I love it. Someday I'll be old and the house will be empty and I'll miss these days and I'll have plenty of time to re-read all the great books I try to read quickly durring breaks in the action. It's all in what you make it to be. ya know you can always dust, vacume or do dishes...but you can't get those unexpected moments back. I hope I have set some kind of good example for my kids...that you can be any kind of Mom you want/need to be and do it well and be happy with your decision.

Answer 3

Firstly, you are a GOOD writer- I understood you clearly, and your grammar and punctuation beat out a lot of run-on "questions".
So, now, if you're the type who is apologetic over something that simple, then yes, I can definitely see how you would be at home driving yourself crazy every minute of the day and never getting your free time.
IF you happen to not be apologetic about getting your needs met at home now, then maybe this won't be so hard:
CARVE your own time out of the family schedule.
Make sure the father knows and fully agrees that this is part of the bargain, and that you will go nuts if you don't get your own time.
And sometimes, though I hate to say this, your one hour might be the grocery shopping you do without the kids, and the drive their and back. Which is healthy for your mind, the family wallet, and their teeth, which will manage to rot on one or two of those things they keep stuffing through the queue!
But seriously, you can't have a young child in the house and not wonder what their next need is going to be- I've done this, and there was never a calm sense that I could get my college work done, or leave the house if I needed to, or watch a movie that he shouldn't walk in on when he woke to use the bathroom-
So, yeah, you need to get out sometimes, and just breathe.
And you need to make sure everyone understands that from the word go, and not back down.

Answer 4

I *could* have no time for myself, but I am very careful to make sure I get it. I have seven kids (ages 12, 9, 8, 7, 5, 3, and 1), whom we homeschool, and the day could easily get away from me.
Most of the time is spent watching, playing, teaching, moderating, but after lunch is one hour where everyone must stay in the room, reading, or playing quietly in their beds. This is purely and selfishly for my own sanity.
When my husband gets home, the job is his for a short amount of time and I can choose what I want to do. Sometimes it's head up to the room for reading a book or surfing the net, sometimes I choose just to spend some time with one child. It's amazing how priorities change, rather than looking for time alone it's time with one child!
I also volunteer through several programs, and on those nights hubby is responsible for the children, so that's several hours a week where I'm not with the kids. As well, throughout the day the kids can sense when to leave me alone because I'm stressed out or need some quiet time. i can check my email for a few minutes every hour.

Of course, it's now 10am, I haven't showered yet and here I am on yahoo ?'s, so you see it's all about choice. My 12 yo is playing with the baby for five minutes so I can shower without her in there with me, so I'd better GO!
Kids are great, such a fulfillment and blessing, I wish you the best of it.

Answer 5

If that were true I wouldn't be answering question :)

I have been a stay at home mom for a little over a year. I have a 14 month old and a almost 4 years. It took a little while to adjust when your use to working full time you have a schedule putting children and their needs on a schedule is challenging.
I wouldn't change a thing I love every minute of it.
I do sell Mary Kay part time so I get adult girlfriend fun time too. works real well on lay dates for the kids and for me hehe....
Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 6

An hour a day....I wish I had an hour a day! Tonight I am not even getting an hour of sleep. See they get sick sometimes and you stay with them so they are comfortable.
My children are 19,15 and 16 months. When I take a shower alone without the baby my 19 yr. old will call or my husband or Mom or the dog got out.....I clogged the kitchen sink. It NEVER ends. Without Mom NOBODY can do ANYTHING on their own. It is amazing how they are unable to look in their closet and find their own clothes......not just the kids but the men. Yeah, you loose alto of time for yourself. But you really gain so much more. I would not want anyone else holding my little man right now. It would be so sad for me if he wanted someone to hold him other than me.

Answer 7

I've done both the stay at home thing and the working mother thing and I can truly say that you don't have much time for yourself either way! You just have to schedule "you-time". Have a friend take your kids once a week for an hour or two (and maybe do the same for her!), or have Grandma and Grandpa watch the kids for an evening to have some alone time with your husband.

My biggest pet peeve is hearing stay at home moms complain about not having time to do anything. I ALWAYS find time (whether I'm working or at home) to volunteer in my son's classroom, chaperone parties and field trips, take my daughter to ballet, join my kids in swim class, etc. etc.

My recommendation to you is to build yourself a nice support network, i.e. friends, relatives, a playgroup, etc. You'll always have someone to help you out in a pinch...as long as you remember to return the favor!

Answer 8

I am not a stay at home mom, and I don't even have kids, but most of my friends are stay at home moms, so I can give you an impartial evaluations. On average, they are not so busy. However, the average is taking the days when everything goes great, they get groceries, play in the park and make dinner, and taking the days when one kid is sick, another has soccer practice, the third one a project for which they forgot to get the materials, they need to get groceries, and pick up their husbands from the airport.
I work in banking, so sometimes I work 12-hour days, or spend 3 days on a plane, so I sometimes envy my friends, but a normal person wouldn't.

Answer 9

My kids wake up around 8:30. I give them breakfast and then they go play for an hour or two, while I do "some" housework. We do a little school (we homeschool) for a couple of hours, then I give them lunch. After lunch, they go outside to play (weather permitting) and I do a little more house work. I spend the hours between 1 and 5pm doing pretty much whatever I want. I spend time with my kids, I do laundry, I read, whatever. Sometimes we have field trips and play groups to go to (a few times a week). I make dinner and get everyone fed. The kids play a while before their baths. They go to bed at 9. I get all kinds of time just for me. I go out with friends at least once every 2 weeks, and I always do my food shopping alone, so I'm out by myself for a couple of hours once a week. I can honestly say I get at least an hour a day to myself. It's really not hard.

Answer 10

Well I don't have kids yet but three of my friends do.....and you do get some time to yourself but as they get a little older to have to be on them every moment making sure they aren't getting into things they shouldn't be....but yeah...when they are a little older they can occupy themselves with toys but then mom's are cleaning and cooking then too. I can almost guarantee that once you see that sweet child's face for the first time all your inhibitions will go out the window and you'll end up being a great mom!!