Can I have some help please, urgently?

Question

I am wrestling with a problem that has been on my mind for some days now, regarding my elderly grandfather. He is dying, although we are in all in acceptance of this fact as he has had a long, fascinating life.

One major part of his youth was WW2, when he served as RSM in the Royal Signals (Dispatch rider), with distinction in both N Africa and Burma (he had the privelege of meeting both Monty and Heile Salsee on a regular basis thanks to his work). I do know that he was captured and tortured severely be the Japanese near the end of the war and only got home in 47, unable to walk or urinate without aid for the rest of his life. Whatever he knew as a dispatch rider, he did not reveal to them even after 3 years of torture and imprisonment.

To this day he cannot forgive the Japanese people, even though his world has long since faded away- he does realise we are friends now. I realise he went through so much at their hands and that his mind suffered severely, unimaginably...

What I am trying to get at is, as our veterans slowly disappear, is it up to us younger generations to try an assuage their antiquated hatred- or is it something we should leave be, as we could never understand it's awful roots?

Thanks for your help. Please do not forget our veterans, wherever you are from and whoever they though for. They're giants.

Answer 1

Don't try to live their life for them, or you lose your own uniqueness and individuality.

Simply live your life the best you can and let the rest go.

Answer 2

Tell you grandfather to have a room for forgiveness since God has a room for us.
That is past.Anyway Americans save the world.Japanese also suffered so much casualty.
God loves your grandfather but he must to forgive his enemy before he will die at least.It is not good to die troubledly.

Answer 3

Well, I think we can only really understand it in a historical sense. For example I certainly would not hold a rape victim accountable for her hatred of her rapist (or someone who looked similar) We can't really put ourselves in their shoes. I doubt that the majority of Jews who lived through the holocaust or the comfort women tortured and used by the Japanese have forgotten....some may have forgiven in order to release themselves from the burden. But again, it is not our place. These people are entitled to their feelings regardless of the changes around them.

The rest of us will just live in our own world right now. Hatred has to die at some point. My Grandfather fought in WW2 and I am sure that he harbored some hatreds himself...how could he not? But that is a personal hing. One cannot forget, but things move on. And a country sometimes does things that it's citizens abhor being branded as complicit in just because of their nationality. I doubt every single German or Japanese person wanted WW2.Frankly, most countries have blood on their hands, but time erases some of the more damning examples, or blunts them.

We should always remember what happened, and make sure that history is recorded and acknowledged. But hating someone who wasn't alive at the time is no way to honor anything.

Answer 4

Both my father and grandfather racially hated the Japanese, too, but didn't have as compelling a reason. The hatred never transferred to us kids, though. We had no idea why they felt as they did.

Those feelings are almost gone now on both sides. Only a few older people harbor them.

In 2000, I took part in RIMPAC 2000 (you can google the name and look at published pictures). We conducted naval exercises around the waters of Hawaii, and we invited several other nations around the Pacific rim to participate, including 6 beautiful Japanese destroyers (which they had purchased from us--a little bias there...)

Ironically, whoever was in charge of the event arranged for the Japanese ships to be moored at the closest possible point to the Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor. The event lasted about 3 months, and as far as I could tell, no one noticed the irony. I was able to hang around with Japanese sailors, tour their ships, ride into town and go shopping with them, and everything seemed normal, as if we had been moored in any other city.

No Japanese or American sailor ever mentioned this. It was as if it didn't matter to anyone.

Answer 5

I don't believe your grandfather should be expected to forgive and forget. Personally. This is at odds with my Christian background, but that is the way I feel.
However, I was born in South Africa and we have to accept that times change. There are many Afrikaans people who refuse to speak English, for example, because of the atrocities commited by the British at the turn of the last century. And they are entitled to their pain. However, if we didn't move on, we'd all be stuck in an unchanging world. And for our children, we must provide a better life.
You're right - your grandfather is a giant. I hope he has some peace.

Answer 6

First of all can I please say how sad it is you are losing your grandfather, but he will be going to a lovely place and, who knows, he may contact you again when he has settled in the spiritworld (I am a spiritualist medium). Secondly, no-one can live the life of someone else, or through someone else. You, and all the younger generation, need to forgive and to forget. This is not to say that you should forget the atrocities your grandfather went through. There is good and bad in all cultures and where there were bad people in Japan, there were also good ones. It is not right to ostracise and hate a whole country for what seemingly a few (in comparison) did. Hatred eats you up and it breeds even more hatred. Forgive - it is better for you and better for the Universe. If you put out positive thought it will generate more positive thought and overcome the negative. God bless x

Answer 7

Hi, so very sorry to learn about your Grandfather he sure went through hell, it is never easy to forgive when we have suffered at the hands of others and I guess your Grandfather suffered a lot more than the average person,but holding on to our hatred is not good for us,it eats away at our hearts like cancer,I pray that before his time on earth is done he can let go and forgive.
I hope and pray that he finds peace after all he has been through.
Our veterans fought and died so that we could be free from opression and hatred so it would be very wrong for future generations to carry this any further.

Answer 8

Dear sir we the Britons have all so commit ed some atrocity's in our history, example burning disembowel beheading and so on, in our purge against the catholics, Protestants , Scots Irish and if you stud id history the Romans enjoyed the spectacle of Christians being burnt eaten by lions and so on most nations have a lurid past as our lord said forgive them father for they know not what they do on the cross, read the history of Genghis khan now theres cruelty

Answer 9

Difficult question, I don't think with any persuading that someone who has been through such an awful experience would ever change their thinking. However, the current generation of Japanese people are not to blame for the torment that their forefathers put your grandfather and many others through.

By what you have said I think your grandfather accepts that the world has moved on, he just doesn't want to forgive them.

I would suggest you concentrate on the happy memories in your grandfathers life.

May he rest in peace, and my thoughts are with you and your family - he is a true hero!

Answer 10

James, Sometimes when we say we cannot forgive we actually me we cannot forget the brutality and unbelieveable actions of people not unlike ourselves and because we need to keep the memories alive in the hope that the atrocities do not happen again. Your grandfather must be allowed to be "unforgiving" to his end, only he knows the reality of his justifiable unforgiveableness. His memories must be recorded James, so that the torture and subsequent suffering is acknowledge and hopefully learnt from. I hope your family have been writing these things down. Bless Him. We don't know the half of it, mans inhumanity to man. I wish him a happy and peaceful death.

Answer 11

I have an uncle the same way,he was at pearl harbor when it was bombed and his ship the USS California BB44 sunk and was raised and went into battle again, he also brought home a brother to bury and went back to war with another brother.Uncle Howard wouldn't let you park your vehicle in the driveway if it was Japanese.
I think it is important to teach our children of the history of our families but not to keep the past alive by harboring the resentment of our fathers.