It's been 28 years...should I tell my Aunt?

Question

When I was sixteen, I visited my Aunt and her husband who lived in Germany. My Uncle played professional sports, and they lived all over in Europe for years. I was changing my baby cousin in his room, and my nasty uncle came in. He proceeded to come over to the changing table, and pulled my hair down towards the baby. then, he pulled me up, and squeezed my breast hard. Then told me we should be together. Then, he must have seen the panic on my face, and he gripped my shirt and pulled me towards his face and said in this really creepy tone, "This is our little secret"... I got the baby, and went in the other room where my Aunt was, and I was in shock. I did not say anything, of course, and for the rest of the trip I just tried to stay away. I have never told my aunt. I am scared to have her be mad at me for not telling her sooner, I know she thinks this guy has been faithful but I know he hasn't. After all these years...what to do? She is faithful and true blue, and unhappy!

Wow..so many heartfelt responses! Thank you so much..everyone! I am torn up about it, only because I feel she deserves to know. But if I know her, she will leave him over it. She is here visiting for a month. My uncle is home, and she said if he drinks, she will leave. Even contemplated where she would live, work, etc. He is an alcoholic, and quit, but cheats on that also! He goes away without her, and I can only imagine! Maybe I feel to bring it up now, would be a little selfish because I want her to move back home. Awful decision to make...I am ashamed to say that I told my Mom, her sister, and she said not to tell her back then! They were away all the time, and she thought it was just immaturity on his part..PS...as a child of sixteen, I thought I had to listen to him, and my mom being the adult. I was scared to go against him. Then one year turned into two ect. Most in my family also know.She'd be mortified! Thanks again to everyone who took the time to answer! Peace

Answer 1

NO, don't tell her after all this time. You don't know what else she may have had to cope with over the years with him. She doesn't need this grief. And what would it really accomplish? I speak from experience. My Uncle fondled me when I was a child. Over the years I wondered if I should tell someone, but I never did. I knew my Aunt was happy. She would have never believed me and severed all ties with me. She and my mother were best friends. After my husband died, I had my Uncle do some electrical work for me and he brazenly told me he didn't have much of a marriage. I knew what he was suggesting, the jerk. I ignored him. If he had, at that time, made inappropriate advances, I would have verbally blasted him and threatened to tell my Aunt. They are both dead now and I live with the memory but I also know I didn't hurt my wonderful Aunt. It's your decision but think of what is best for your Aunt. She doesn't need to know, honey.

Answer 2

How do you know she's unhappy? Believe me, when a spouse is the way you describe your uncle, the wife usually does know or have suspicions. She just usually doesn't let others know because then she'd have to come to terms with it -- face it -- and make decisions she's not ready to make. What do you think telling your aunt will accomplish? Do you think it will force her to leave him and this will make her life happy? What if she doesn't -- what affect will that have on family gatherings? Have you told your mother or father (whoever is directly related to this aunt) - they may have a better feel for how to proceed. It may be that once it's out in the open, other relatives may come forward that he has done the same thing to and prevent him from further abuse in the future. Good luck - it's a tough decision. But if it spares one child from him doing it again, it will be worth risking your relationship with your aunt (if that happens - she may be relieved to have it out in the open).

Answer 3

The truth has to come out though. I think your aunt doesn't deserve the ignorance to what had happened, when you were 16! Your uncle has to pay alright. He has to some way or another. You don't deserve to be treated like dirt by some undeserving guy. It's hard to break the ice out of the blue but she has to know. It seems that it has been a long time. If you're afraid that she might get mad at you for keeping it too long, let's just say that you did it because you care for her too much, and it was also hard for you.

Answer 4

Now and after 28 years? Come on it was a squeeze, he didn't rape you, Why to give a pain to your aunt? Your time was that very same moment when you went to the other room and you'd let it go, Don't tell me stills causing you pain and a shock after all these years, come on, let it go and get over it.

Answer 5

leave it alone !! if you love you aunt just let it stay hidden and move on. this will only get her upset and people ALWAYS believe the one they are with. it will serve no propose to say anything now.
your aunt may already know some things about the things he has done but has chosen not to act on them. and she may never will. just let it lay and let it all just work it self out on its own .
so that you and your aunt can always be there for each other and when she needs someone you can be there for HER..
If you say something that will just pull you two apart and you mite never get close again
best wishes

Answer 6

Swetty you should have been told her. I know you are scared but tell her as soon as possible. This just isn't right and you need to shed light on this situation. Keep me posted I want to know what happens. Good luck and don't worry about her being mad at u :)

Answer 7

You should have told her then. You should tell her now. He's worse than unfaithful...he's a pedophile and one who is perfectly happy to prey on any available child, even a relative. Pedophiles like this count on the child not telling anyone. Then they go on to the next victim.

Answer 8

Let something else be the cause of whatever happens between the two. You will only create emotional confusion and might even be blamed for being provocative as she is bound to defend her mate to some extent.

Answer 9

tell her. it's about time you did. you tried to keep it for so long and yet you still see the bad in this guy. your aunt deserves better. family is family. always remember that. if she gets mad, then it's because you should've told her earlier. this just shows she cares. you're just looking out for her because you love her. she needs to know this.

Answer 10

Tell your aunt now. But there must be somebody else present when you tell her. He/she may be another relative. Be sure, though, to have the right timing.

Truth hurts but it will set you free. I know that to be haunting you for years. If you love your aunt, tell her. It won't only help you but your aunt too.