as quick as you can - the only one I've got right now is:
You're such a loser that you couldn't score in a monkey whorehouse holding a bagful of bananas!
Help!
2007-02-15 22:52:30 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ***, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"Now what?", responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ***, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"
2007-02-15 22:58:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just a warning...these are very cheesy! :)
Q. What kind of key doesn't open a door?
A. A monkey!
Q. Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
A. Because he had to take care of some monkey business!
Q. What do you call a 2,000 pound gorilla?
A. Sir
Q. What is smarter than a talking monkey?
A. A spelling bee!
Q. What side of a monkey has more hair?
A. The outside.
Q. If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?
A. Twenty after one!
Q. If you were in a jungle by yourself and a gorilla charged you, what would you do?
A. Pay him.
2007-02-15 22:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is a monkey and Lizard up a tree smoking dope anfd getting real stoned. The lizard gets thirsty and decides to go down to the river for a drink. WHile he is gone the monkey keeps smoking away. Meanwhile down at the river the lizard is drinking and he talks to crocodile. Crocodile asks lizard what he is up to and lizard said he is back in the trees getting stoned with monkey. The crocodile decdes to go back into the jungle to talk with monkey while lizard keep sdrinking. The crocodile walks through the jungle until he finds monkey. Monkey peers down at crocodile and says "F**king hell lizard how much water did you drink?"
2007-02-15 22:59:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Funny! 100!
2016-05-24 06:22:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I said to this monkey 'who knocked down the walls of Jericho?'
He said, 'I dont know I'm new around here'
2007-02-15 23:02:26 · answer #5 · answered by malcolmg 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did the monkey cross the road?
To get away from the carnivorous mutant chicken.
2007-02-15 22:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by jackalanhyde 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
visit the links below - its really funny stuff, then u can print it lol!
http://atworkandbored.com/jokes-inc/pics.php?pic=racing-monkeys-6465
http://atworkandbored.com/jokes-inc/pics.php?pic=monkeys-1356
its d amn rite funny - jus check out the link okay!!!
2007-02-16 00:48:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
monkey see, monkey do, monkey is going to sh** on you.
monkey see, monkey do, monkey is doing what monkeys do
2007-02-15 23:08:50 · answer #8 · answered by Nathanael S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're so ugly you were rejected by a monkey on a dating service...
2007-02-15 23:00:57 · answer #9 · answered by Reb Da Rebel 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you look like a monkey answering questions on yahoo! answers
2007-02-15 22:55:17 · answer #10 · answered by ahhhlain 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋