my friend is 36 years old and she has been with her partner since she was 16 (scary, im only 18 and havent ever been with someone longer than a week) anyway, she thinks the guy has slept with someone else (obviously he denies it) but would you stay, even though you would never quite feel the same or would you leave and try to get over your first and oly love and lover? plus, they started trying for a baby a couple of months back and she thinks if she leaves him she wont have the baby she has always wanted.
plz help, she needs some advice and i really want to be able to help her. xxx
2007-02-15 22:48:46 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She should leave otherwise she will never know and it will always play on her mind forever and she will never truly be happy. If they were a solid couple she would never doubt him and he would never cheat so it sounds like they are doomed to failure and the worst possible thing to do is to bring a child into it at such a confusing time. She should get out there and date other men, you cant base your life around one man forever if you have doubts.
2007-02-15 23:57:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course she shouldn't leave.
She only suspects her partner has slept with someone. And even if he has people don't just cheat after twenty years in a committed relationship without a reason. People cheat for a whole host of reasons - sometimes it is a genuine stupid mistake, sometimes there is something they are not getting at home that they seek elsewhere (not just sex).
You don't just throw away twenty years of love and commitment becuase you think your partner might have made a mistake. You take a long hard look atthe relationship and at yourself and you answer some very difficult questions honestly and then you try to repair and renew that relationship to make it stronger than ever.
If h was violent or spending all their money or a serial adulterer my answer would be different as that is not the kind of relationship you want ot bring kids into. But on this flimsy evidence she should stick with it. But she needs to talk honestly with her partner - maybe he finds the idea of children frightening or maybe he is being pressured into sex when he doesn't feel like it just to make a baby - maybe your friend has got a little obsessive about 'trying' for a baby.
2007-02-15 23:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the only person who really can decide is your friend.
It will be up to her if she feels that she cannot trust him which at the moment appears to be the case for until she has any real proof about him sleeping with someone else it is just a guessing game. Is it because say the guy is not making love so often? It could be that this guy may not really want children therefore his feeling are not going to be the same as they were. Until she can sit down with her partner for a mature discussion then how can anyone really help someone else. Maybe your friend has some other insecurities within her life that she keeps hidden from most.
2007-02-15 23:01:15 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Luck 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm only 17 so this advice may seem a bit on my point of view plus i've never had a special someone. if i were her, i'd rather leave. the greatest unacceptable bit in a marriage or a partnership is when there is no loyalty and fidelity. how can the partnership work when the trust is broken. if she doesn't leave and things still turn out fine, they're just fine. not great. my mom decided to stay and sometimes i wonder why not leave. life's too short to spend it miserably. love won't work when the 2 people involved are not doing their part in the partnership and marriage is a partnership. it's not a joke. regarding the baby, the right time will come. cliche as is may sound, there is a plan for all of us. a fate written just for us. a destiny we are given to face and live. does this help? i hope it does.
2007-02-15 22:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by nic_chan35 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave!!! Because you shouldn't be with a high school sweet-heart after high school. That would be like buying the first house you see. If you friend (the 36 year old) has put on some (or a lot) of pounds since they were 16 I wouldn't doubt that he has slept with another person. Good luck!
2007-02-15 22:57:42 · answer #5 · answered by fournewtons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of direction she shouldn't leave. She in easy terms suspects her better half has slept with somebody. and whether he has human beings do no longer in easy terms cheat after two decades in a committed dating without reason. human beings cheat for a complete host of motives - each and every so often it incredibly is a real stupid mistake, each and every so often there is something they are not getting at living house that they seek for someplace else (no longer in easy terms intercourse). you do no longer in easy terms throw away two decades of love and dedication becuase you think of your better half could have made a mistake. you're taking an prolonged confusing seem atthe dating and at your self and you answer some very confusing questions definitely after which you attempt to repair and renew that dating to make it better than ever. If h become violent or spending all their money or a serial adulterer my answer could be distinctive as that may not the kind of dating you like ot convey young babies into. yet in this flimsy info she could follow it. yet she needs to speak definitely together with her better half - possibly he unearths the belief of youngsters frightening or maybe he's being forced into intercourse whilst he does not experience like it just to make a toddler - possibly your buddy has have been given a sprint obsessed with 'attempting' for a toddler.
2016-09-29 04:47:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it your friend is around the same age as you?
Hes alot older and understandably wants kids etc- but shes crazy to go along with it.
Shes presumably young, she has plenty of time for kids. Your first love is usually the hardest to get over- but you do get over it.
She ought to leave anyway just from the circumstances you describe. And if she doesnt trust him, its no foundation for a relationship- let alone starting a family.
2007-02-15 22:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Kat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she just thinks it then it's not worth breaking up over it not after twenty years however they want to put the baby thing on hold whilst they are more secure and solid. if he has cheated then he definately isn't the right person to be having a baby with. she needs to find out first
2007-02-15 22:55:48 · answer #8 · answered by confused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has cheated then they need to decied what they are going to do. If things are not good and they have a baby, things will only get worse. Its wrong to bring a childing into that situation. What makes her think that he has cheated?
2007-02-15 22:56:07 · answer #9 · answered by monkienutz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't sound good to me, what evidence does she have? she surely cannot think about starting a family with this guy if she thinks that he has cheated on her? what sort of foundation is that to bring a baby up on? you or your friend should read "feel the fear and do it anyway" by susan jeffers, i've just read it and its fantastic and will help her with this situation.
2007-02-15 22:59:15 · answer #10 · answered by CazW 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋