being left out?

Question

my cousin is getting married in july.
there is her, her sister, 2 other female cousins and myself on this side of the family. the cousin getting married and i arent, and never have been close so i wasnt expecting to be asked to stand up in the wedding.
however, not too long ago i found out that i am the only female cousin who wasnt asked to be in it.
this hurts because if my grandma was still alive, i know she wouldnt be pleased at the fact that i was the only one not asked.
my parents arent too happy with it either. i try to act like it doesnt bug me, but it does. basically just because i feel like i wil be embarassed at the wedding, sitting there while the rest are standing in it. i almost feel like i dont even want to go. truth is ive been left out plenty of other times before and im almost getting used to it, but this was rude.
anyone have any ideas on how i can feel better about it when i go to the wedding? i dont want to be miserable all day.

some people think im whining.
but wouldnt you be hurt to know that you were the only one being left out of something this big happening in your own family? if you say it wouldnt bother you, you are lying.

Answer 1

She's not getting married until July. That gives you plenty of time to level with her and confess how it made you feel to be excluded. Perhaps the lack of communication lead her to believe that since the two of you aren't close, that you wouldn't care about the matter. You can confide in her and tell her that it has hurt your feelings. Who knows? Maybe she'll reconsider or have a specific reason. This will be her day, so I hate to say this, but ultimately she gets the last word. If she excludes you and doesn't have a valid reason, you can always "dis-invite" yourself. But until you talk to her about this matter, you will probably be sulking the day of her wedding. Good luck and don't worry- we're human. :)

Answer 2

Since you and your cousin aren't really that close, I don't think you should feel offended. Actually, it should be more of a relief for you. Participating in weddings comes with a lot of responsibility and time commitment. It can be very enjoyable when you are helping someone with their special day when you have a special bond with them. But when you don't, it can become for stressful and uncomfortable. If it is important to you to be involved in your cousins wedding, sit down and talk with her. Let her know how happy you are for her and that if there's anything you can do to help her with her planning or on her wedding day just let you know. Then I'd leave it at. I understand that you are hurt because you were left out, but it may be a blessing in disguise. Remember everything happens for a reason.

Answer 3

I wouldn't even worry about it if I were you. Just be happy for your cousin who's getting married and don't make an issue of it. You said you weren't that close. So, I guess she's been closer with the others. That's okay. Can't be close with everyone. Be happy at the wedding, smile and let her shine on her day without having to be stressed that you're all hurt. Things like this always happen at weddings. It would've been nice if she'd talked with you about this in person to help you feel more comfortable about it, but she has a lot on her mind, and like you said, you're haven't been all that close. Don't let it be a big deal for you.

Answer 4

First- A big hug to you. Your self esteem needs it.

Next, do not feel bad about it. Just think of it this way. You won't have to buy a dress that you will never wear again. You won't have to put up with a possible Bridezilla in the weeks before. You can go to the wedding and be a beautiful guest that hugs her cousin and wishes the best. If it was meant to be in spite, she will be upset that it did not upset you.
I'm sure though that you will have a good time if you want to have a good time. It's your decision to be happy or not.
Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Hey Jacq, don't feel that way cuz you're letting peer pressure get to you. It's dangerous to feel that way cuz you might end up being in a relationship with just anyone for the sake of not being lonely. That's why so many people get divorce. I always say this. 70% get divorce, 15% are unhappy but still married, 5% cheat on their spouse, only 10% are truly happy because they didn't rush and waited for the right person to come along. So don't rush. Just think your friends and family who are married, well you know the statistics. Not all people are meant to be married. More and more women are single today than ever before.

Answer 6

I really wouldnt be offended - you said you werent close and you didnt expect to be in the party so I dont understand why you are upset about this. I dont know why any one else would care either.
Its not even fun to be in a wedding and it can be a lot of work, now you can bring a date and be w them the whole time or hang oout w the family members you are close to. If you are really upset just dont go and send a card or gift or something. This really isnt a big deal I think you are working yourself up - it doesnt sound like you wanted to be in the wedding until you found out you werent.

Answer 7

Its people like you who make planning a wedding a nightmare! She wasnt close with you, you barely gave her the time of day before, but now your mad because she doesnt think youre close enough to her to ask you to be in her wedding! Youre insane! Maybe you should invest more time into building relationships, and maybe then you wont always be left out. If you decided not to go, you would probably be doing your cousin a favor.

Answer 8

No, I would not be hurt or feel left out. Because it is HER wedding. When I got married, i HAD to use my older sister in my wedding..it was a horrible mistake but I also didn;t figure it was worth family strife for years to come. When both my sister's got maried, I was not chosen to be in the wedding party and frankly, I was releived. Because I KNEW that they had very good and close friends to choose from. I did not want to be asked due to obligation. I enjoyed myself immensly and in fact, at my little sisters wedding, I ended being very useful when they hit a few snags.

Answer 9

Listen, this wedding is not about you, it is about her and as you said the two of you have never been close, and what does this have to do with your grandmother, you can't just assume that you were left out intentionally. Maybe she didn't think that you would want to be in it because the two of you aren't close. The whole thing sounds silly when your not even close to her, why not forget about stressing yourself out and just go there and have a good time and celebrate with her, if you make a big deal out of this then you are only shorting yourself of a good time, because it is her wedding she will have a great day with or with out you.

Answer 10

Well I'm NOT lying, and it wouldn't bother me at all if I was not included in the wedding party of someone I am not that close to.

Heck I was not asked to be a bridesmaid or MOH in my BROTHERS wedding and I was the only female on my brothers side. I was not hurt at all.

You just said you and your cousin are not close, so why SHOULD she include you? Just because you are the only female NOT included?

Yeah, you are whining.

Answer 11

I'm not lying, no it wouldnt bother me. Hey I was left out of my SISTERS wedding. But you know what, I am mature enough to know that not everybody can be in every wedding, and I would rather my sister be happy and have the kind of day she wanted rather than be obligated to have certain people in her wedding.

Grow up, its not about you, stop trying to make it about you.