My mind is so screwed up?

Question

so im 20 f and in college. i have been seriously depressed since high school and have been a cutter for about 4 years on and off. i am currently in a relationship. me and him have been going out for 2 months and i cant handle being with him anymore and have realized that im bi. the only times i feel happy are when im not sober. ive thought about suicide many times before and i know its not the answer. i just feel like i really need some kind of help but i dont know what to do. help.

Answer 1

You've asked a very serious question here...I'm 18 and use to be very depressed myself, and was even a cutter. Depression has deep roots in your past. So maybe you need to think back to when it started and see if anything dramatic happened then to effect you so much now, and this long. If it was nothing recent then perhaps things from childhood or even past relationships have been bothering you. But a more obvious answer would be that you're having trouble dealing with the adjustment from high school life (living at home, having the same friends since forever, and knowing you have set limits, etc.) to college life (a new place, not knowing anyone near you, and now having pretty much unlimited freedom, etc.)...this is a dramatic change that happens very fast. I'm not even in college yet and I know I'm going to be majorly effected by it.
On the subject of cutting. It's a straight forward answer: it's bad for you. But it's also just a temporary answer to a problem. Cutting is a realease of pain, and a way to "let it out". Most of the time, it's also a way to have something hurt instead of it being inside. Next time you would feel like cutting try writing how you feel to let the feeling out, or screaming, or hitting a pillow (sounds corny, but I swear it works).
If you see that things aren't working with the guy in your life considering taking a break from things or just ending it if you feel that the two of you aren't going to work. He'll most likely understand if you explain why it's not working. Also, being Bi isn't the end of the world. It simply could mean more possibilities for you. Explore who you are and then go with what feels right and makes you happy.
As you said suicide is not the answer..if feels persist consider talking to someone that you trust and that you think can understand. If there is no one..try a councelor or even a therapist, a professional is best suited.

I do really hope this helped in some way, and if so then feel free to message me if by some chance you feel I can help you.

Answer 2

Other than getting drunk or taking drugs, do something that makes you happy. Don't waste the rest of your life trying to figure out what other people want you to be. If your bi, embrace that! Meet new girls and guys. Just go out there and have fun because you are young and have so much experience before being "tied" down to any one option. Remember, you are a free person and you can change things in your life because you have that right. You are in control. The first step is to get evaluated by a professional. Usually college campuses can provide this service for you and they can arm you with tons of information and they can help you obtain the meds you need to survive. Deep down, you know the best answer to your question. You need to acknowledge that and take action right away. Find the happy you! :)

Answer 3

I wish you lived in a poor country where education is a blessing to be aspired to, where a basic meal is hard to come by. You would have real problems to solve by worthwhile work and would not get time or even energy to drag your perfectly good mind and body down with rot that you inflict upon yourself. The basic urge to survive takes over and keeps you busy and grateful if you make it from one day to the next. Stop focussing on yourself. Try to go and work for a charity where you have to give of your time and energy to help someone else. You will feel much better about yourself and see that the whole world does not revolve around any one individual. Please don't think this is said to criticise. That is not my intention. My intention is for you to find balance and healing and a feeling of purpose in your life.

I wish you hardships that you can triumph over. These will help to mould real character and you can become a person others will look up to.

Wishing you all the very best for a long and fruitful life,

Lisa

Answer 4

First of all stop and take a deep breath!! You are going to be fine!! It's ok!! You don't have to be with any one you don't want to be with, if you aren't feeling the relationship and have decided that's not what you want then fine, tell him it isn't working for you! Don't cut on your precious body!!!!! You know I use to do that too! I was in my teenage years and did it for a while off and on for awhile. I haven't cut on myself in like 9 years!! I cut myself really deep the last time and I probably needed stitches, but I thought how would I explain that to the doctor and how would I keep them from wanting to comitt me or something?? I had no one to talk to about my feelings and when I got mad I had no way of dealing with the anger. I didn't ever want to die, I just wanted to relieve some anger! Write a feelings letter, you don't have to give it to any body but it will make you feel better to get your feelings out. Keep a journal. Punch the pillow, exercise. You can over come this and it will be alright. Bi? That's ok too. I have some bisexual tendencies too! Good luck too you and keep your chin up!! ;o)

Answer 5

Well, admitting that there's a problem is the first step...and I'm proud of you that you admit it and realize that you are in need of help. Not a lot of people with problems admit that they have some, let alone think of such things as "problems" since they have lived with it as if they are the next best thing.

Before asking for other people's help, I recommend you ask yourself what specifically is the problem that you are having? If you don't have an answer then that is just fine, because finding answers is but part of the process. I suggest you contact a psychologist, or even your school guidance counselor and meet with him/her and talk about yourself...since you are the central focus here, and it is you who matter the most.

Suicidal thoughts could probably arise from some past experience or even just the curiosity of it. In any case, it is of significant concern that needs to be discussed. I am recommending you to see the concerned people above not only because they are professionals, but most importantly, they are there to help.

If you just want to talk, or want to ask anything, please feel free to e-mail me and I will try my best to help. [e-mail]

I wish you well.

Answer 6

I don't understand the casualness of the other answers on here. Honey...you need professional help NOW. This is not funny nor cute nor a phase. You are suffering from depression and cutting and substance abuse. All of which are extremely serious disorders that must be attended to by a professional. I am sure you are not happy with the way your life is going.
Your boyfriend problems are the least of your worries. But if you don't want to be with him but are afraid of hurting his feelings, you may be trying to escape from it with the self-abuse. Tell him you need some time to get healthy and you are not in the space of being in a relationship. End it. Then PLEASE talk to your doctor and tell him/her what is going on. Don't be ashamed. He will put you in touch with the best people to help you and get you on some medication to treat your depression.

Choose to be happy and not live in pain. While it seems more painful to be sober...you are in a cyle of destruction that is causing you way more pain than you imagine on so many levels.

I know it is not easy....but please be strong and reach out. You are not alone. There is a ton of support out there for you. You will learn how to cope with life so that life itself is something to run to and not from. Embrace the part of you that wants to stop hurting and reach out ok??

Take care.

Answer 7

Well, for one, stop cutting. Blahblablah its unhealthy you could die, you've heard it all before, I'm sure. So, I won't go into that too much, but look around on teenhealthfx.com. I know, it sounds ridiculous resorting to some teen help site but some of the questions and answers on there are very helpful and similar to this one. If you cannot stand him, I would say let him down easy, and explore? To see if you truely are bisexual or not. Like I said, teenhealthfx.com deals with all of these different topics, suicide, sexuality issues, etc etc. Also, as dumb as this may seem to you, maybe go to a therapsit. I've been thinking about getting one myself. A lot of my friends have them and they all say the're really just like them and can understand you pretty well.

Answer 8

My sympathies go out to you for your situation. I've been clinically depressed before, and I think many others have considered suicide in thought, especially when overwhelmed by so many traumatic things in their lives. You are still a young lady. Time is on your side when it comes to altering your lifestyle and to do whatever it takes to make you more acceptable to yourself. Before you are able to love someone else, you have to be pleasing and loving to yourself. It's OK to be confused at your age, actually it's normal! First thing you have to do is seek counseling and get in to some group therapy with others who share the same issues as you. You'll have a way to talk things out and to rationalize to yourself ways to overcome your trauma. Get rid of the boyfriend. If he's not making you happy, move on. Since your bi, you have more options at seeking a better relationship, right? Maybe you can find someone who is more loving and someone who shares the same interests with you. You need to drop the violence to yourself, too! That's making you irrational, suicidal. You should look in the phone book--even if you have to start with suicide hotline and call for help! They will most likely refer you to a counselor at a hospital or clinic setting. Many sessions are at no cost. My advice is be kinder to yourself-give up the booze or drugs & "cutting", take charge of your situation by dumping the boyfriend and finding someone you can relate to, and accept that it's OK to be bi, get counseling & take things day-to-day and accept that fact. Nothing changes overnight. Best wishes to you!

Answer 9

dont worry most people on the planet are in the same boat
learn to accept what you are and try to have fun
bad feelings are tiny electrical currents passing frommolecules in your brain .its is rediculous that they can depress the whole body that they sit in ,for the same money yoiu can be happy ,pull the switch and go out and have fun
it is maybe other peoples views that effect you .go to clubs that have people that have similar feelings
the only one that can help you in the end is you

death is a final solution that leaves no alternative s the best you can hope for is to be compost in gods garden the worst is dust locked in a box
life has so much to offer ,so many alternatives all better than death,you are bound to find one of them if you let it

Answer 10

Sounds like you're going through alot of stress and alot of self-realization, which almost every teen goes through. But if you're going to drugs, alcohol, and suicide to try and relieving the pain of depression, you need to get some help NOW. Get in touch with a psychiatrist about your depression and your doctor about some depression medications if needed(try something natural, always worked for me and no nasty side effects of the manmade drugs0.