Can a 1 yr old remember that thier parent was gone?

Question

I am a single mother, who is in the military and deployed to Iraq. I deployed right after my daughter's 1st birthday. I am going home for 2 weeks in May and I'll be home from deployment in August. I just wonder if my daughter is going to remember this time and if she will feel resentful. I'm having a hard time with this because I have missed so many of her milestones, such as walking, talking and potty-training. I talk to her on the phone and send pictures and videos, but its still very difficult. My mother told me that a child never forgets the its mother's scent or the sound of thier voice. I'm just wondering how hard will it be for us to readjust to each other when I return.

Answer 1

I suspect she may have some difficulty reconnecting/bonding with you. I also suspect that you have tremendous amounts of guilt, which is only going to make it harder for both of you if you are not able to give some (a lot) of that up.

Don't be upset that you couldn't be with her continuously as you would have liked. Duty calls and life happens, crap happens, as do forced separations over which neither of you has any control. So, you'll both just have to find a way to work around it and/or live with it as best you can. None of this makes you a "bad" mommy, not even an inadequate one.

On the plus side, it sounds like you're making regular efforts to connect already. What I would also suggest is that you create a ritual (or several) when you're with her in person that may also translate well via video or phone or other methods.

For ex., when you're home, set aside a half hour to an hour after she wakes up in the a.m. or after a nap, before dinner or before you put her to bed. During these times, just the two of you can:

--Snuggle together on the sofa or outside on a porch chair.

--Talk to her, repeating some of the same things--"Mommy's little girl is sooo pretty", big, grown, etc.

--Create a special touch between you--you touch your hand to hers, you touch/tap her on her nose.

--Read a very short, simple 3 pg. book to her at these times. Tell her the story over the phone or on video from memory or with your own copy of the book while she's holding hers with grandma helping.

--Set the mommy-baby time for the same time for each day you're home.

--You sing a special song...twinkle, twinkle or intsy bitsy spider (the hand movements you make by yourself in front of her or hold her hands to make with you will help imprint this memory/event/you on her mind).

Do any one or any combination of these things with her. Repeat it in letters, videos, phone calls. This would be good, especially if you can, say, phone her at the time that corresponds closely to the snuggle time when you're home.

In a video, reach out to the camera saying her name and "tap" her nose, kiss her with a big smacking sound, sign off with twinkle, twinkle.

Your concern is understandable and it's valid. But, it is one that can be addressed by building on your social and emotional bonds when you're together and then regularly reinforcing them by remote when you're away (letter, video, phone, internet). And no one can ask or expect any more of you than that.

You can do this. You need to do this.

You can't be on deployment and be endlessly distracted and worried or feeling a parenting failure. That compromises your safety and that of others.

In the end, your daughter needs you home all in one piece, from your physical head to your tippy toes, in your spirit, in your mind, and in your heart. So, get busy, you got work to do and it's going to be okay. .

Answer 2

This 3 hundred and sixty 5 days grow to be my 6 & 7 year olds first 3 hundred and sixty 5 days in baseball. My husband grow to be the assistant coach and is taking up the crew this spring. The crew practiced two times a week. My husband would not push the different practices on them till they ask. There are some wks that we in trouble-free terms do the crew practice yet there are different weeks we are on the container on a daily basis. My 7 year previous is the starting up pitcher. He also performs 1st base and catches and grow to be picked for the all superstar recreation. so he's a touch more beneficial into the game. my 6 year previous is short end. i trust so long because the newborn isn't complaining about too a lot practice and needs to do it than why no longer enable him. yet I definately does no longer push him and over do it.

Answer 3

I have some very early memories, dating back to when I was about 2...........but nothing before that. I think your plan to send home pictures and videos and have phone contact is a great idea. My son's father has been in a drug rehabilitation facilty for a few months (we separated when he was one) and he asks for him every few days but I really doubt he will remember in 3 years that he wasn't available at his beck and call.
It may be different, as you are the MOTHER, but I, for one, respect your decision to serve our country and I want to reassure you that I really doubt your absence will harm your child as long as you remain in her life as much as you can. How much longer do you have in the service, or will you be on "land duty" or whatever it's called when your deployment is done?

Answer 4

Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear this. It is in babies nature to forget people easily. When I heard my wife was pregnant I had left the military for the same reason. I had a bunch of friends whose toddlers did not recognize them in the homecoming ceremonies. Just buy a digital camcorder and post videos of you telling your baby you love him/her, sing songs or nursery rhymes and post them on youtube so your child's caretaker can play them for the baby. Good luck.

Answer 5

Babies forget people easily but soon remember them again.If you go for two weeks and return,she might not remember you but that shouldn't bother you because she is 1-year-old and that's not uncommon.When you see her,just be very very very kind and loving and she will like you.After that she will know you again.

Answer 6

You made a tear come to my eye! She will remember you of course! My son remembered his looser father whom I divorced after he went to prison for a year. The father wasn't even around much at all when he was 'home'. Do not worry! It will be fine. Just enjoy the time you have with her when you do get to see her! Mom's right too!

Answer 7

no--don't worry--one year's old don't recall.