I am 21 years old- grew up in a major metropolitan city in California for most of my life before moving with my parents to this small town a few years ago. I am nearly done with my first college degree (just a few more months!), work in a bank, do modelling on the side, etc. I am also aspiring to become something I always want to be: a lawyer. I have a very loving family and am very close to my aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, because I live in a rather homogenized small town, there is a certain type of culture aquainted with it. I have met many older adults who look down on me because (a) I am NOT married and (b) I don't have any children. And some people my age, who are already married with several children (no joke), view me the same way, unless I am just hallucinating. I feel like I have to prove, just because I haven't found a man who honestly loves me or because I am not a mother now doesn't make me less of a woman. Anyone else feel this way?!
2007-02-15 17:26:32 · 11 answers · asked by purringout 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do want to have children... but when I am actually living on my own, have a more stable career, and have found a man who was actually honest with me instead of the ones I have dated so far.
2007-02-15 17:27:21 · update #1
You don't have to prove anything to them. Let them think what they want. You are pursuing what YOU want to do, and should not be pursuing what they want of you. If you have children young and marry someone who you may not truely love or who may not truely love you, you have to live with that for the rest of your life. At least pursue something you know you want to do for the rest of your life and the rest will come in time when it is the right time. Don't let the ones that look down on you bother you or put you down. That in no way makes you less of a woman. Motherhood and being a wife will come in time, and if they can't respect your decisions and aspirations, then that is their problem. Do your thing girl, and don't let anyone bring you down.
2007-02-15 17:37:28 · answer #1 · answered by beachbum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you girl. I'm 26 years old I have a college degree, no kids, no boyfriend, and of course not married. My mother be like when I was your age I was married and had a baby. Also, my two sister which are 25 and 30 aren't married or have children.. My friend think we can't have children because we haven't had any yet. Down here where I live; everybody got a child or children. I know one girl who is 23 with 4. Honestly, I want to get married and have children, but I just haven't found the right man. You got a good head on your shoulder forget what they are saying. One day you will find that perfect man. Good Luck
2007-02-15 17:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by Proud Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I ain't no woman, but it's your life. You decide when you want to settle down. Don't let these people put you don't. Why do you care, girl? Anyways, who knows if those girls your age are happy. I mean, 21 and already some children. It seems like they got maried at age 19 or so. Looks like your town people are living on an old fashion period when they urge their daughters to marry soon. You gotta breath the air before you settle down. No wrong in having a boyfriend. It takes time to form a family. Both you and your future husband have to make sure whether both are in a good economical state. Well, you be you, ok? You are what is different in that town of yours. Maybe those are just envious to see you living a stable life, having no worries and what not. Hey, take your time to find that special fella. Good Luck!
2007-02-15 17:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by Drivliam 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the smart women in this world feel the same way you do.
You are much better off waiting to find the right (honest) guy.
And even then you should still wait until you have achieved your goals.
The fact that you can sense when people are being dishonest will be of great advantage to you when you do become a Lawyer
Kids are great, but it is much easier to accomplish your goals before you have them.
Don't give into the pressure of others in your geographical area. There are plenty of single (not mothers) women your age that have a major advantage over others that are married with children.
If your group of acquaintances in that small town consist of only busybody couples and dishonest men, you might want to consider changing your location and/or friends.
Good Luck!
And Have Fun.
<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
2007-02-15 17:31:38 · answer #4 · answered by Dave Yours Truly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a good head on your shoulders. Follow your path. If people say anything to you condescending about being single at the ripe old age of 21, then get into a conversation about what they or their precious daughters took in college. I bet they never went. Ask them where they met their husbands, I bet they met them while they were working at the local supermarket. You get the idea?
2007-02-15 17:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by Havana Brown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to your guns girl! Don't let anybody in that little hick town tell ya any different!! You should wait til you are absolutely ready and in no way, shape, or form does that make you less of a woman!!
2007-02-15 17:33:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to stick to what you believe in. just because those people get married young doesnt mean you have to. they will just have to get use to it and l like you for who you are. my situation is a little different my bf wants to have kids before marriage and i dont want to i want to have a career first. so do what you believe on. you have so hard by going to school and earning your degree and you are still young . so no need to worry. do what you want not what they want. hope this helps
2007-02-15 17:37:21 · answer #7 · answered by yp_stephanie_el_monte 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well as a 40 year old mother of three i dont feel this way, however I can empathize for you and tell you this. Those who look down on you for you striving for your own independence are either jealous or just plain stupid.
YOU GO GIRL....sounds to me like you have it all going your way and when its time for you to marry and have kids you'll do it. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Make yourself happy and one day you'll make others (husband and kids) happy.
go go go!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-15 17:33:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are just 21 years old.Its too early to think upon these issues.
You are having a lot of time dear.
So relax
2007-02-15 17:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by akhil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you just be yourself.....think it this way...you're single and you can do anything you want...no children to bother you, and you can earn a lot of money...enroll another course...think of it in a positive way dear
2007-02-15 17:34:29 · answer #10 · answered by khatz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋