I put my baby up for adoption..?

Question

I put my baby up for adoption..was it the right thing to do? Im 15 in 10th grade, My dad died when I was 5 1/2 and its been hard growing up, but I put a lot of thought into doing what I did, I had to think about the baby because I know I couldnt physically give the baby everything he needed i dont even have a job. The adoptive parents are very nice I talk to them everyday online, and sometimes on the phone, they are taking very good care of him. But sometimes i just get so depressed and i start to cry because im scared the baby is going to hate me for doing this. But his biological father didnt even want him how am i supposed to tell him that his own dad didnt want him? Was it a good or bad thing that I did this? Please dont be mean.

I was reading some of these and they really touched my heart thank you, for understanding. Oh yeah, Im not like a drug addict or I dont smoke either I just got caught up around the wrong guy and hes the jerk who pushed me into having s**. But believe me im going to wait until im old enough to start a family, and by then i hope to be married. Thank you for not being mean.

Answer 1

You will love your baby and think of him for the rest of your life. He will come to an age where he is inquisitive about his birth mother (you), and then it will be up to the adoptive parents to furnish the information as he grows older and become mature enough to absorb/understand.

Will he resent the fact that you placed him? Maybe, adoptees sometimes feel very "alone", as if they don't "fit". The reality of the situation is that when an adoption decision is made by a birth mother, it is because she is either too young, or not financially able to give her child the life she feels he/she deserves. It is a heart wrenching decision, one you still struggle with, and will continue to, until you are able to grasp the fact that you did such a wonderful thing.

You carried your baby for 9 months instead of aborting. "Very loving act".........You gave your son a better chance at a better life......also, a very loving act.......And, you gave a couple who wanted so badly to be parents, the one gift that God could not through their own efforts..........God, made you their angel, and I am sure there is not a day that they do not think of your precious gift, and are so very thankful to you. You did the right thing, and hopefully for you, you will be able to continue with the open relationship you share with the adoptive family and your son.

Answer 2

You did the most honorable and loving thing you could have done for the little one. I know you hurt over this, but you were incredibly selfless. A baby deserves a home and a mommy and daddy who love each other. At only 15, you are still a kid yourself. You need to go to school and you still have another 10 years to grow up before you'll really be an adult and capable of handling real responsibilities. I'm proud of you for not being a selfish ho-bag who wears her baby around like a purse, as so many do. You don't need to tell him anything about his dad. By the time he's old enough for that conversation, dad might have a change of heart as he grows up. If not, you just say that "he wasn't in a place in his life where he was capable of being a good father to you, and he knew this and cared enough to let you be raised by someone who could take better care of you."

Now that you've experienced this heartache, please share this with other young girls who are into sex before they're married. You have learned that the consequences are devastating, and none of you should have had to experience this.

Answer 3

Hi I am 35. I am speaking to you as a friend.
Live your life and grow up to be a strong woman. Your baby will grow up knowing the true meaning of love. The biological father may never change or he may just need time. You will get through this because you have made a choice to give your child the best possible life now. Some day you will be older and ready to be a mom, so just wait and see what you can do with your life first before you affect the life of another. Stay involved, don't forget to take of yourself, you too are still young and have a whole world ahead of you. The great mother will bless you with many more children.
Peace to you

Answer 4

What you did was think and act as a mother and not as selfish child. I think you made the right choice because I am 24 and married, and honestly, I'm afraid, so I can imagine how terrified you must have been. I think the most important thing to think is, what is best for your baby. Now, I have to give my full opinion, if you are feeling so incredibly guilty and you are depressed, and if you have family who is willing to help you through this, why don't you consider the possibilities of getting your baby back?
My brother who turned 18 last month has a 15 month old daughter. His girlfriend was 16 when she got pregnant, and 17 when she gave birth, same as him. She had a lot of help from her mom, and although it has been very difficult for her, (my brother and her broke up months before she gave birth, they still did not know she was pregnant at the moment), but she graduated High scool and she just started college and is working. But again, she has a lot of help and support, even from my brother and all of my family as well as hers.
I don't know your complete situation, and I don't know what is in your heart and in your mind. All I can say is that my heart goes out to you, and what ever you decide, is a very brave decision.

Answer 5

Hard desicion to make, but by the sounds of your current situation, you probably did the best thing you could have..
Maybe you should ask the foster parents if you could keep in distant contact with your child.. e.g. be invited to the child's birthday's, school plays, graduation, and maybe one day have you over during christmas.. but see what the foster parent think.. they may not want you around..but on the other hand they might be more than happy to have you a part of your childs life still a few times a year and for important events.. that way you still get to see what a great little person you child grows up to be, and hopefully because you're love and presence is still in your childs range there is a lesser chance of resentment and rejection when he gets older... all the best...

Answer 6

You did what was best. It's a very hard situation to be in. One thing that you should prepare yourself for is the baby's parent's to eventually shut you out. They are being supportive of you the best they can. A time will come when they need to focus on their own family. This may not be the case but it usually is. I know it's hard but the best thing to do is let the child go. It would probably be in your best interest to see a counselor. Someone to talk this through with is what you can really use. I hope you are able to feel better.

Answer 7

Let me tell you, I was 15 when I got preg and also had my son at 15. It has been hard but I was ready and stepped up to the challenge. My baby's father is also there for us. I'm 17 now and we are a happy little family. If you did not feel that you could take care of your son, then its for the better that you gave him up. Especially if his dad was not there. You are the only one who can say for sure if you did the right thing. Follow your heart honey, your a strong woman. I hope you can atleast keep in touch with your son. You could explain to him why you gave him up, when he is old enough to understand. I'm sure he will understand.

Answer 8

No, you did a great thing. I'm not saying that teenage pregnancy is a good thing, but you knew that you weren't prepared to care for your son and you gave someone else that chance to give him a better life. Once he understands why do did what you did, he won't hate you. I do suggest that you get some counseling to handle your depression before it gets worse. How is your relationship with your motherr? Do you have someone you can talk to about what you are feeling? You need some support right now. I was put of for adoption at the age of 3, my mother was 19 yrs old with two children, no job, no real education, and a drug habit. Her putting us up for adoption was the best thing for us. My sister and I were giving the chance to have better lives. Our mother was in contact with us, and once we became old enough to understand, she explained to us what happened to make her reach her decision. My sister and I are now happy and successful adults with our own families.

Answer 9

You did the most selfless thing a mother can do. By giving your baby up so that he could have the best life possible you are showing him how much you love him.

When he's older he may come to you and ask about why you did it and just explain you wanted him to have a wonderful life and you were too young to give it to him.

You did a wonderful thing. There should be more people like you that know they should give their babies up instead of keeping them and not being able to take care of them.

Answer 10

HEY there,
i coulndt imagine doing what you have done. i am 19 out of school,i have a supporting & working man, and i stay at home wiyh our daughter......and it still is overwhelming sometimes... but you are one 15 year old that i can say that i am VERY PROUD of !!!! you could have had an abortion but you did something very right!!!!! you gave that baby life in every way possible!!!!only if more people were that smart!!!!by the sounds of the adoptive parents you have a good relationship and im sure they will let that child know how much you really LOVE him by making the right choice for him....when you are old enough and ready, you will make a good mother....just please focus on your life right now and make those boys wait....