I am 21 years old- grew up in a major metropolitan city in California for most of my life before moving with my parents to this small town a few years ago. I am nearly done with my first college degree (just a few more months!), work in a bank, do modelling on the side, etc. I am also aspiring to become something I always want to be: a lawyer. I have a very loving family and am very close to my aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, because I live in a rather homogenized small town, there is a certain type of culture aquainted with it. I have met many older adults who look down on me because (a) I am NOT married and (b) I don't have any children. And some people my age, who are already married with several children (no joke), view me the same way, unless I am just hallucinating. I feel like I have to prove, just because I haven't found a man who honestly loves me or because I am not a mother now doesn't make me less of a woman. Anyone else feel this way?!
2007-02-15 16:50:10 · 11 answers · asked by purringout 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do want to have children... but when I am actually living on my own, have a more stable career, and have found a man who was actually honest with me instead of the ones I have dated so far.
2007-02-15 17:05:50 · update #1
You are doing what most of us wish we had done.Find out who and what you want,live life, and get yourself through school and start a career before settling down and popping out kids. Just to find yourself later down the road wishing you had done all this when you could do it and had time to yourself to do it!Three kids later, I am still trying to go back to school and finish my degree.I envy you and most likely they are not looking down on you,but they envy you too! Good luck!
2007-02-15 17:05:15 · answer #1 · answered by Broadgonebiker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't make you any less of a women.No disrespect to any women that stay at home with their children because that is also a hard job.But if you are concentrating on your career and education before you settle down and have children, hats off to you.There are too many of women our age (I am 20 married with no kids) that think their life revolves around getting married and becoming a baby making machine without surpassing in your education.You are doing the right thing,people are probably jealous because they wish they could have the accomplishments that you have .I love being married but that's not going to stop me from getting my education.Right now i' on school for medical assistant and when I'm finished I'm joining the Air Force.My husband is in the marines and supports my decision.So hats off to you.And screw what everyone else thinks.The only person you need to make happy is yourself.People that shine the most are the ones that choose to be different and stand out
2007-02-16 01:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by TRUTH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're 21 and you are actually worrying about this? If that is the culture where you are living I think I'd find somewhere else to settle. A mother at 21? Geez sister. I hope you don't get many answers. I'd hate to think there are many of you feeling that way. All I can say is turn the other cheek and escape as soon as possible.
2007-02-16 00:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could just be that you think they feel this way because you may feel you need to fit into a certain mold. if you don't feel like you need to fit into any mold-- married by 24, kids by 26, house with fence by 30, etc... then who cares what they may or may not think. small towns are also notoriously pretty snobbish- they may not think you really belong there for at least 3 generations. I didn't get married until I was 30 and I am glad I waited as I don't think men really grow up until their late 20's (or at least learn how to fake it). go for your dream! shoot for the moon! live it up!! people are living a lot longer now a days, so it's nothing to wait until your 30's to start having a family.
2007-02-16 00:58:00 · answer #4 · answered by Mark B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I can relate. People assume that just because you haven't dedicated your life to marriage and motherhood that somehow you're not woman enough. Women are remaining single and childless for a lot longer these day. So, maybe its them and not you who are living a little unusually. Just take your time and don't compare your life to anyone else's. You're young and have plenty of time for marriage and children (if you ever decide you want them).
2007-02-16 01:02:28 · answer #5 · answered by Mille_D-Gurl08 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since when does a girl in your position need validation from folks that are obviously so stuck in a place that they will NEVER get out of (kids are forever). Jealously is an ugly tool. Be sure that you aren't the one who is jealous of what is on the other side of the fence.
2007-02-16 00:58:56 · answer #6 · answered by know it all 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not the exact situation, but somewhat. I don't know what my dream career is yet, so I am taking time off from school. I feel like everyone looks down on me because I'm not in college.
Basically, I guess, people will always have different expectations for you, and will look down on you if you are different.
Don't try to please them, but keep following your dreams.
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-16 00:55:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to let it get to you. But if it makes you feel any better, when you reach 30, things change. You'll begin to notice that you start getting more respect at that age. And then after that, it just gets better and better!
2007-02-16 00:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by TPhi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever seen the Movie Big Fish.
Maybe the small town is to small for you.
You are intended for much bigger things.
2007-02-16 01:37:12 · answer #9 · answered by janice m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you are still young and when you have get everything
that you want in life then you will find that special someone
but dont let this worry you. it not about what other people feel
is right.but how you feel. you are a women that sound like a
person that got it all together.
2007-02-16 00:56:17 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋