Help! Child sleeping habits?

Question

Ok,this is coming down to complete differences in culture.I am an American living in Thailand.
People are extremely communal here.Not just the poor,even middle class to upper class families will sleep with their children sometimes up until 10.Yes,I know this sounds insane to westerners but it is true.
My wife and I needed to go back to America for some months after my mothers death and Thai grandma suggested we leave our 3 year old son to stay with her.She's a great lady but it was a big mistake.She slept with him every night for the whole time like a mother hen and now he is addicted to sleeping with people.I love my child with all of my heart but I cannot sleep with him everyday.It's not just because I need to sleep for work but because I don't want him to grow up with lack of independance and fear of being alone like Thai people have.Please give me some advice on how to break this habbit he's developed or a good website to read.Thank you.

Answer 1

It's not going to be easy to break this habit. It is going to mean long nights of no sleep but you HAVE to be consistent otherwise you'll be having a 13 year old sleeping with you. You start out by having a bedtime routine. Something that he will do every single night to get himself ready for bed. A bath/shower, maybe light snack, toothbrushing, a quick drink of water then a story, maybe a lullabye and then lights out. Of course it's going to be quite some time before it actually goes that smoothly he will probably scream and cry at first. (this is where you might want to invest in a child gate to put in front of his door. Let him scream and cry though. If you have the gate put it in his doorway so he can't get out of the bedroom...he's not going to like that and his screams will become deafening. This is where a set of headphones comes in handy. Just keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't harm himself. After about 15-20 minutes go in, put him back into his bed (do not speak) and again walk out of the room. He is again going to scream and cry...you're just going to have to let him. Eventually he will get tired enough to fall asleep...and you'll have the following night of the same thing to look forward too...I don't envy you.

Answer 2

I feel your pain, my 3 year old started sleeping in "Mommy and Poppy's bed" a couple of months ago because he is CONVINCED there are MONSTERS in his room. I'm sure this infuence is from his real father's girlfriend's kids who are older.
I have been very lax in insisting he go back to his own bed. Sometimes he goes back there on his own, though, and I think soon he will decide that he is independent enough to sleep in there alone.
I know your situation is different and it's not "monster fear" but I'm going to try "monster spray" in his room (plain water) and see if that will help. Otherwise, I really don't have an issue with letting him just grow out of it. He is an only child, and I never knew any 8 year old boys who slept with their parents, so I'm sure he will grow out of it soon.
(Plus, I think when he goes to his dad's, they sleep in the same bed as his dad has a 1 bedroom apartment but he will be getting married soon and my son will have his own room to sleep in at Daddy's house).

Answer 3

Japanese people also all sleep in a communal bed.

Your child will be fine if he sleeps with people sometimes- after all, he's still just a very little boy.

There is a discussion list where this comes up from time to time. It's called Clickakid and it's on Yahoo Groups. You can join by sending a blank email to [e-mail] . Just go ahead and post the question if you'd like. The list is fairly quiet- we tend to just discuss questions as they come up.

Answer 4

beleive me its hard to break the habit my daughter is 3 and she slept in my bed for months when my dad was dying ( i neede the comfort and had noone else ) i started by letting her fall asleep in my bed and once she was asleep moving her to her bed it took a long time but in the end she got the idea that she was ok in her own bed as she was waking up there and she was safe i cant give you anymore ideas as i only tried one thing and it worked it did take awhile but each child is different so it might be easier for you or it might be harder but good luck i hope it all works out for you

Answer 5

If he take naps during the day you should put him in his bed and when it's time for bed at night let him go to sleep in your bed but put him in his bed when you know he's fully asleep, so when he wakes up he know he's in he's bed and not your.. Make it a routine...or you can buy his favorite cartoon characters sheets and put them on his bed see if that works. Good luck

Answer 6

Try let him sleep in his own bed, but in the same bedroom as you. Move the bed more and more away. One day - put the bed in his room and in the beginning you can "sleep" with him there.
Another thing we did, was - that we let him fall in sleep in the sofa when we look TV, and then we bring him to his bed when he sleep without he wake up.

Answer 7

Hey, I have the perfect site for you. Supernanny.com is a wiz at children and any problems at all. Your talking to a person who has watched every Super Nanny episode, and has been in a prob like that

Answer 8

Speaking from experience I think I might be able to help. Let your child fall asleep in your bed and then move him to his own bed, gradually, he will begin to sleep in his own bed again.

Answer 9

boy thats a tough one. i thought my 3 year old was hard to break. i just started giving him naps in his bed...slowly weaning him from needing to be with me constantly. he is 4 now and is completely sleeping alone. so sorry. good luck.

Answer 10

you have to break the habit..be stern with your son...put him in his own bed and make sure he stays there..it may take a couple of days but everytime he gets out just put him back in