No life outside of work and raising a toddler. Any Advice??

Question

I'm a stay-at-home Mom by day and work four nights a week in 5 hour shifts at a store as that's all that's open after my husband gets home from work. I feel as if I never get out other than this as I work to pay the bills and help support our daughter. We don't have any fun money and we're not eligible for food stamps or WIC. Any advice??

We live in an apartment that is old and needs remodel....I mean my fridge and stove are GOLD from the 70's. I'm embarrassed to have people over (if we visit the family, to include in-laws we go and see them as it's an excuse to go out) so having playdates or people over for a party is not an option....I don't entertain.

Also, going to the beach or the park right now is not an option as I live in Wisconsin where the current temperature is 4 degrees

I'm already depressed as my doctor (just finding a sitter to do this was hard) wanted to put me on anti-depressants. I can't be a zombie and properly take care of my daughter.

I live in a town of about 22,000. There's nothing here but a Wal-Mart, Shopko, and a few restaurants. We don't have a shopping mall and the only place to go to and spend some time is Wal-Mart which happens to be where I work so I don't want to go to my home away from home.

Answer 1

I know what you mean my man and I swap shifts to get to work and not pay for child care . You may need to find a better job one that makes you happy. Im at work rite now its my down time away from my 2.5 and 3.5 year olds. We still are broke as a joke yet I am out of the house and pretty much my own boss !! winter blues mama spring is just around the corner think about fun summer stuff walks and play time with your child it will get better think how many years untill school. Good luck good choice on the pills forget that!

Answer 2

It is very much the way it is for young people who have a small child or children and work to pretty much have little time for anything else. Not having a beautiful home when you're young is also pretty common.

Some of what you don't have right now is something you'll have later on, when your situation changes a little. When it comes to your house, though, keep it clean and make it as attractive as possible and go ahead an have people over. Nobody cares about your gold appliances.

If you live in a place that needs work you can play that down by buying a few things to decorate that will be bright and pretty and make what isn't go into the background. For example, in a kitchen that has color choices limited by gold appliances buy whites, creams, natural wood, and/or wicker accents. Little inexpensive white curtains that are ironed brighten a place even if they're not your real choice of decor. A crisp white tablecloth with a plant or flowers on it brightens things and makes it homey and clean looking. Bright placemats, pretty new pot holders hanging up, little plants, wicker napkin baskets, anything that is fresh and pretty helps. If you have white dishes, pots, or vases or wood accessories or wicker leave those out to add to the non-gold colors. If you have navy blue, red, black, or other dark stuff put that in a cabinet.

Vacuum your living room. Remove anything ugly. Polish any wood and put a few low-maintenance plants somewhere - maybe the window sills.

Make your bathroom sparkling clean. Get fluffy new mats if you need to. Don't leave products out and around unless they are in a package that looks attractive and adds to the color of the bathroom.

Hang some really nice room fresheners in halls or elsewhere to make it more pleasant.

If there is something you know you could improve on without spending a lot of money do that.

I know that what I suggest sounds silly and frivolous, but it wouldn't cost you all that much to add some pleasant and inexpensive things around to make it cheerful looking and sparkling clean. I once lived in a temporary house that needed a lot of work, and the approach I described made it actually kind of attractive in spite of its needing work. If you have enough attractive, fresh and clean, or cheerful things around a lot of unattractive stuff goes into the background.

Even if you had to take a little money over the course of a few paychecks to make the place a little more attractive it would be worth it if it made you feel it was pleasant enough to have people over. (You must get a WalMart discount?)

If you don't have a coffee maker get one, and get some crackers and cheese or else mix up a Pillsbury Quickbread (about a dollar and a half a mix) and invite another young mother over for coffee and talk.

Think of it this way: ANYONE can make a nice, new, home and all new stuff look attractive. It takes someone clever and creative and warm and friendly to know how to make a dreary place look friendly and cheerful.

I can understand that you may not want to hold some "big deal" formal event there, but if you had a little get together with people who are close to you nobody close to you cares about the gold appliances. Don't let a tired looking apartment dictate your life. Since you do have to watch your budget I don't think you can afford NOT to make your apartment a place where you can have people in.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear your situation. I am a stay at home mom full time and I have no life or friends. The only "friends" I have are my boyfirends friends. I also don't have a car or license. So I am basically stuck at home 24/7. Unless my boyfriend has a day off and we do things as a family and about 2-3 times a month we go out without the kid but his friends are tagging along as well. I have to depend on my father or other relatives to go to appointments or to help me run errands. I can't tell you exactly what you can do but you and your husband should talk about this a little more so that you can be happy.

Answer 4

Seems like money is a big problem, being that you are a stay at home mom obviously means you spend a lot of time at home not to say that you have a lot or any time for yourself, but did you ever tried earning some extra income while you are at home. Try doing some research on the internet where you can earn a little extra income while you are at home. The internet has no limits and even though time is of the essence there is always your toddlers nap time that should give you about 2 hours. Good Luck

Answer 5

Post-partum depression is really heavy. And if work is bad, that makes it worse. Is there something that you can do to (Like Stampin' Up or something like that) to turn a hobby into a moneymaker? Or get education for a better job...like massage therapy or nail tech or hairdresser, which are things that you can do from home..and you will have business! Or can you take in a kid to babysit a couple days a week?

Also, if your house is clean, it shouldn't matter what the appliances look like. My husband and I live in a 100-yr-old farmhouse without a single level floor in the place! Your friends and people who love you will not complain about your home.

In our church, there was a Thursday morning playgroup that always met at the church...they did crafts, had storytime or songtime...one time they played Blue's Clues. It was super! Is there anything like that there? Look around and see if you can find free playgroups or church coffee groups. Check for fliers at supermarkets and like that.

It's really good that you are making the sacrifice for your daughter. She will grow up appreciating that you and daddy cared enough to stay home with her.

Look around your community. There are free events everywhere and people willling to befriend people all over the place. You have to be a friend if you want one, and it will help your little girl too!

Answer 6

Would you be interested in something like Mary Kay? I live in an area were we don't have much either. The closest Wal-Mart is 16 miles away. i do well especially around holidays since there aren't many stores.
I don't sell a lot of cosmetics but do real well with the skin care. If not Mary Kay how about another type of direct sales one that doesn't have quotas or territories.
email me if you want to know more or just want to make friends with another stay at home mom.
http://www.marykay.com/sdoshi/startabusiness/default.aspx

Answer 7

Well, I became work obsessed and didn't even realize once... then there were those times where I could only work to live....that was really hard. This is what I did: I got friends. I got really good friends who wouldn't care what my housed looked like and loved kids. Some of them had their own kids, and some of them didn't. Anyway, we would all trade off on who watched the kids and it would give us a chance to hang out with our significant other or with some of our friends and go to a movie or Starbucks or whatever....its dangerous to be that far away from life. Do something about it now before it leads to depression.

Answer 8

You know I find my self in that same situation at times- However I do not even get the luxury of getting out and going to work- Yes I said LUXURY!!! To me it would be wonderful to get out of the house and interact with people who speak in full sentences and do not address me as MOM!! But what I have found that has helped me is this- I found a few hobbies- cheap hobbies. Things like looking up new recipies that I might want to try- chatting on the internet(I am assuning you have it) and I Love to make things. Puzzles- Try painting- and if the kids are bugging me while I paint- I break out their FINGER PAINTS- the paints are washable so even if it gets everywhere It is easy to get up- . Write letters instead of making phone calls- if it is cold there then there is really nothing you can get out and do- Try and make the best of it.

Answer 9

Go do some power-walking at the mall.

Go to your local library....it's free and many of them have book clubs or other activities.

Go to the dollar theater and see a movie.

Meet a friend at a local coffee shop & nurse a coffee or tea while you just visit.

Call your local churches and schools....often they have free "classes" in the evening for 4-6 weeks. Learn knitting, Spanish, or sign-language.

Go to a Senior Citizens' Home and offer to play cards with someone. They will love the company & you may as well!

When we were young and broke....I used to do these things sometimes alone & sometimes with a friend or even with my daughter. (The folks at the nursing home always looked forward to our visits!)

Answer 10

You should move.

There are Wal-marts everywhere so you could work anywhere.

What does your husband do? He must not make very much either so it sounds like you should move.

Why do you have such a tight budget if you both work and live in an apartment? You rent and utilities can't be that much in a small town.