ok plez help i'm confused and i don't know what to do about my dad?

Question

ok i'm 13 years old and my parents got a divorce when i was 3.my mom remarried and i have a WONDERFUL stepdad i'm his daughter and he's my dad!we're close and we love each other as if i really were his biolodgical(sorry probably spelled wrong)child.his real children(3) have not lived w/ him all their life,one moved in 3 years ago,but moved out last year(got married),another years ago,and one moved in when he was 7(now 21)but was sent to juvie,and moved out when he was 16 or 17. and he(my stepdad) tells me all the time i'm more like his children than any of them but.....like i said i am now 13 and biolodgical dad wants to have somethin to do w/ me now.I don't really want to mess w/ him b/c he's on drugs and he's not really stable he lives in a apartment w/ his brother.he has said this b/4 but he's only ended up hurting me and my sister b/c he'll call us for a week and then stop,then he'll write crybaby letters,telling how everybody does him wrong and nuthin is his fault it's so-and-so's

hold on adding morre details

fault he always blames his actions on somebody else.i also was told he told his boss's son that he didn't like it when we came over b/c he had to buy groceries and didn't have enough money for hid dope. i love my stepdad he's the only father figure i've ever had.i love him and i trust him but my real dad idk about him i don't really know him is it wrong for me to not want to have nething to do w/ him?

my mom and dad(stepdaddy)tells me all the time it's his loss more than mine.meaning he'll look back at what he did and how he did w/ his life and he will be more hurt b/c of how he treated me and will see really how bad he messed up,and be more gurt and sorrowful than i will ever be.true?

*hurt*

*hurt*

Answer 1

I think you are a very brave 13 year old. Your dad and step-dad are bless to have you in their lives. The best way to handle your real dad is to go very slowly with him. Until he is able to release his personal struggles and take responsibility, don't try to establish a strong relationship with him. It seems like you are doing the right thing already. You are smart girl and you already know not to aspect too much from him, but don't hate him, love him. This man brought you into this world. Send him a letter ever two weeks even if he continues to send you these crybaby letters. It's important to him to keep a relationship with you, and rightfully so!

Let your mom and your step-dad know everything that happens. Don't visit him without consulting with your parents and when he calls you make sure your family know as well. Your safety is very important (I'm not saying your dad will hurt you, but the people he
associate with my be dangerous) If you see him on the street, and he want you to go with him, don't go unless you receive permission from your parents.

There's nothing wrong of staying in contact with him. In fact he may consider you to be his only family. If you really want to help him, pray for him. Send him a Bible, and helpful pamphlets. I don't have any kids, but I pray I will have a good-loving daughter like you.

I'm happy to know your step-dad accepts you fully. The blood line of family and relative are only one way of the world, and it doesn't mean anything. I think you realized that with your step-dad.

God Bless..

Answer 2

Hey sweetie...you know what? You are a very bright and articulate young lady. You know what else? You already know the answer to your question.

You are so, so blessed to have such an awesome stepfather. You know this.

You are very intuitive and smart about wanting to protect yourself from your biological father. His drug habit comes before you or anyone. While that may make you very sad...it is what it is. He is not showing you that he cares a great deal about you...he is not responsible and he has not earned your trust. You must not feel guilty one bit about not wanting to spend time with him ok? Until he cleans up and can be a decent person, let alone parent...then you do not owe him anything.

If I were you I would just not communicate with your biological father except to say.....I don't want to be around you until you stop using drugs. Then we'll see how it goes from there. If you are able to say that...then good on you.

I would go and give my stepdad a big hug and give yourself a hug for being such a caring and wonderful young lady. Stay true to your heart. Trust your intuition and you won't go wrong.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Your question has more details than most of the adult questions (good job). While reading it I tend to place a face and character with it. You sound very mature and capable of handling a mature answer as well. So here it goes!

A "DAD" is an individual that's there for you you when you need him. He supports you, he takes time out with you. He would be the one you think about when it's time to write an essay on the men in your life. Its o.k. for you to want to see your real father, but have him visit you if its possible. You should understand that he can't put back what he has missed of these years and he definitely can't take away what your (step) dad has done for you.

You should sit down with mom and (step) dad first and discuss your feelings about this. Also reassure your (step) dad that you appreciate him and love him.

p.s. You don't sound confused, I think you can do it.

Answer 4

no don't. Its funny i was in the same situation as you...You have a loving Mother and Father(stepdad) and sister right now keep them close, They are all you have ...life is short meet him if u want i know i did...but don't take it serious...after all you have more then many people a loving family....good luck since he's on drugs keep away its the drugs that you'll be associating with not him in person i know that for sure... it happened to me.

Answer 5

Drugs and alcohol are a serious problem for families. They don't just hurt the person who uses them.
My advice would be to have your mother talk to him. She has the legal authority to allow or refuse to allow your father to have contact with you. Your mother can say to your biological father that he must be "clean", meaning not using drugs or alcohol, for some period of time she, or the family court, decides. That way you have the best chance to create a good experience with him. If he never changes, only he is to blame. If he does, wonderful! Good luck.

Answer 6

This is a lot of crap to dump on a person your age. I suggest that you talk to your parents, the ones that love you, and express your feelings about your natural father. Ask them to put aside their emotions and consider helping you with yours. I could see a scenario where possibly all three of you guys go visit your Natural Father (NF) and your parents advise him, while you are present, that you wish to consider a limited relation ship with him but not until he cleans up his act, and you will probably have to be brutal about the things you want him to clean up. Or you could just tell him that you aren't emotionally strong enough to pursue a relationship with him now, but that you wouldn't rule it out when you're older.

Answer 7

i would probably not have anything to do with your real dad, even thogh he is your biological dad it doesnt sound like he has really been there for you and if you do see him how will your step dad who has practically raised you feel, and at 13 you dont want to be around someone whos messed up in drugs
good luck

Answer 8

if my dad hurt me i waould be scared i dont think u should go see him if he's not stable cuzz do u really think he'll be able 2 handle the responsability of you??i kinda kno what it's like 2 hav a dad blame you for EVERYTHING too. and neggs alot so i think u should maybe kinda stay away from him, it's your disision..