Maid Of Honor dilemna?

Question

I am having a wedding in September of this year. I am going for the autumn theme and decided to have my bridesmaid dresses Champagne. I, apparently, went over this with my maid of honor (first cousin) and she seems not to agree with the color. She doesn't approve because it won't match her skin-tone. So I changed it to a Chocolate/Bronze color just for her, meanwhile the bridesmaid don't mind what color or dress I pick. Finally, I told her I am choosing an off the shoulder dress. And there she goes again, whining how her shoulders are way too broad. I am aware this is MY wedding, but I am trying to avoid conflict here. I can't let her have it her way. What can I do or say, in a polite manner, that she doesn't have a say in what I choose, or she won't be maid of honor.. but once again, in a polite way! Please help.

Answer 1

When I cant think of a way to say something without causing any hurt feelings, I always play the same card...I cry. Usually like a baby, although sometimes it isnt necessary. My mother taught me the guilt trip card at a very young age, and I developed and added the tears later in life. It works like a charm, and its the perfect way to always get what you want.
You will also want to sob about how awful your wedding will be and how its already ruined, and how disappointed you are that nothing is going your way. You dont have to direct it towards her, be general. Trust me, if you do it right, you will get the dresses you want without any hassle.

Answer 2

Start out by telling her that you really appreciate everything that she is doing to help you get ready for the wedding, but that you have a dream in your head of your wedding. I had the same trouble with my sister. My sister started getting upset when I chose a burgundy strapless dress. My MOH wanted strapless, but the other maids (my sister included) wanted a little more support. We added straps and adjusted the skirts for the different body types (three totally different types) and everyone was happy.
Then try to get her to try on a champagne gown, just to "see how it looks". Does she think it makes her look to pale or too dark? What about the other 'maids. Could Chocolate or Bronze look bad on them? Maybe she didn't think of that. (My sister just had to deal with the color-BTW- She has worn the burgundy dress that she "hated the color of" three times since then for formal functions.)
Have you considered choosing a color for the dresses, choose a length and let the maids pick a style that they are comfortable in. There is not a rule that all of the 'maids must be dressed exactly the same. Maybe, if she is set on the Chocolate not off the shoulders, since she is the MOH she can be different. Once she sees that all of the others are dressed differently from her she will change her mind.

Answer 3

I definately understand both points of view. I was in a wedding where I definately didn't like the dress that was picked out. It was not flattering to my body shape at all. But I never complained, I wore whatever she asked even though I didn't like any of it, including the shoes. So when I finally got married, I made it a point to let my bridesmaids pick out their dresses so they could have something that they liked. After all, they are going out of their way to pay for the dresses, shoes, jewelry, and everything else that goes along with participating in the wedding. The least I could do is let them pick out something that they would like and could possible wear again.

Why not come up with a compromise where each bridesmaid can wear the same color but pick out the style of dress that best suites them. I have been to several weddings where the bridesmaids wore different dresses in the same color. And typically the maid of honor wears an entirely different dress than the rest of the bridesmaids anyway. But if it's important to you to pick whatever she wears, just sit down and talk with her. Let her know that you've already changed the color of the dress that would be more pleasing to her and that you hope that she can compromise and wear the style that you picked. And if she doesn't feel comfortable with wearing the style that you chose, you'd understand if she decided to step down.

Answer 4

Tell her that you have done everything you can (even changing the color you loved for the bridesmaids) to accommodate her needs and have her in your wedding party in that special role but unfortunately the model of the dresses can't be changed. Tell her that you will really appreciate if she could make the effort and support you in your decision regarding of the dress you chose given that it is the style you'd love for your wedding party. Although, you don't want to force her or make her feel uncomfortable and that you will totally understand if she opts out and decide not to be part of the wedding party but you still will love for her to attend. And be prepare to hear well I'll be at the wedding but I am sorry I'm not wearing that dress. I was in your shoes a year ago when i was about to get married, and i chose to have my wedding the way i wanted. I didn't have 3 of my original bridesmaids because they opted out. But guess what? I loved my wedding pictures, and that we were able to pull it off the way i wanted. My friends still attended, and we all had fun no hard feelings. Except that they missed out on being in the wedding party. I had a blast! so good luck! and do it your way because it's only one chance to make it right!

Answer 5

I know the minute someone complains about something I pick out is out of my wedding I can't stand it when people do that when being in someone's wedding should be an honor and privilege. Not everyone gets to be the maid of honor or matron of honor in a friend or family member's wedding. This is your wedding you do it the way you want since you're the one paying for it you call the shots. If your cousin wants to act a fool then she can do it as guest while you can replace her with a good friend who won't complain about the color you picked out. It annoys a lot of brides to have people in their wedding party complain of the color and style of the dresses when in fact it's you and your fiance's day and whatever you guys pick for your bridal and bridegroom parties is your choice and if some folks can't live with that then hey you can pick from a plethora of other good friends and family members who arent going to show that kind of unappreciative nature. What's there to conflict if she's going to be ungrateful tell her straight up either she wears what you picked out or you have no problem with finding another person to fill in her spot. Be straight and tell her that she has no say in what you choose since this is YOUR wedding not hers. When she gets married she can do what she wants, but this is yours and your fiance's wedding and whatever you guys do is your choice and decision since you're the ones paying for it and if she doesnt like what's being done then step down and let someone else be in her seat since again being asked to be a maid of honor or matron of honor is a privilege and an honor and should be taken with appreciation and gratitude.

Answer 6

She knows you are being too "nicey" about it. She is being rude and selfish. This isn't about how her body is going to show off to everyone.

Tell her that you want the Chapagne dress (or the chocolate/bronze if you desire after all) and that you are doing a dress size fitting (or whatever) for the shoulder dresses. Don't give her time to say "but".

You can't be polite with someone who is that rude hun.

let her know that you find it to not be true and that you love the dress. If she sulks, then say that you are sorry for how she feels but "if you want to be my maid of honor, this is what you will wear". Period.

Answer 7

Good Lord! When my brother got married, I was in the wedding, not maid of honor, but his wife picked the most god-qwful ugly taffeta, off the shoulder southern belle (conplete with a hoop on the skirt, I kid you not) in this horrible shade of lavender. It was terrible, honestly, but I didn't complain, I was honored that she even asked me. I think you should very gently remind her that this is your day, and a once in a lifetime day at that. Explain to her that when she marries, if you are in the wedding you will be kind and not tell her how you should dress. She is family, and since you have asked her to be maid of honor, I assume she is also your best friend, so just sit her down and talk to her. Be honest, and let her know how important it is to you. After all, most of us have dreamed about what our wedding is going to be like since we were very little girls. I can't imagine that she won't understand. Good luck!

Answer 8

It IS within your right to ask for a certain dress, and people who say you are being a bridezilla are insensitive. Tell her you really are set on the dresses because they fit what you want for YOUR day, adn if she can't support that than you are sorry. Picking her as your maid of honor was an honor that maybe she just isn't up for and give her time to consider that. Don't be a push-over, this isn't about her looking good, but your day being perfect for you.

Answer 9

Let her know that you've decided on a champagne off the shoulder. Tell her how much it means to you for her to be your maid of honor, but if she feels the need to drop out due to not liking/worried about how she'll look in the dress, you understand.
(BTW, a champagne off the shoulder is probably one of the safest bets you can go with as far as making everyone look good. A simple mystic tan (spray on tan) does wonders for skin tone.)
My feeling is once she realizes that you're willing to stand your ground and have what you want for your wedding day (and it is YOUR wedding day), she'll come around very quickly. She also won't be able to tell anyone that you kicked her out as it was her decision not to wear the dress you chose. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 10

The Maid of Honor is supposed to be your trusted, loyal companion (other than to-be husband)..which is why they are chosen in the first place. She should gladly do these little things for you in HONOR of you. Nobody cares how the bridesmaids look in there dresses anyway...all eyes are supposed to be on the bride!

Just tell her you have already reasoned with her, and if she doesn't want to HONOR your decisions, she can back out.