Why does my family expect me to be the same after returning from Iraq?

Question

Ever since I got back all I hear is that I changed and that I get irritated really easy. I think everyone that went to Iraq changed some more than others but that's expected isn't it?

Answer 1

People who have never been to Iraq or in combat just don't understand. It's a parallel universe. We all changed. I got irritated very easily too, and had to be very gentle and compassionate with myself to get rid of that fear that someone was out to get me, that I couldn't trust anyone, that at any minute, I could die. It's very normal and will take some time to get past it. Take all the time you need.

As far as your family, if they don't understand, give them some information about post traumatic stress disorder and ask them to be compassionate and understanding while you work through this. Consider talking to a counselor or other vets. Knowing someone out there gets it is very helpful.

God bless you and welcome home. I'm so glad you made it back. By this time next year, you'll notice that you don't check corners when you walk into a room anymore. I can't tell you how good that feels, but you'll see.

Answer 2

It doesn't matter if you witnessed death or destruction, or if you were just in a 'back-office' supporting position - you undoubtedly had much closer contact to the horrors of war than most of the folks back home. Of course you've changed! Is that a good thing? It depends on your perspective.

If you are uncomfortable with how you feel, or how you act and/or react with others, then perhaps the change was not so good. If you respect and care about someone who believes you've changed, ask them to explain what they see is different. Try to understand how you've changed. I know (I was in the military) that seeking counseling is not always looked on favorably, but it's YOUR life you have to deal with. Professional counseling may be a worthwhile option to explore.

On the other hand, if you are more sensitive towards unkind, unthinking, or callous behavior from others, then maybe that's a good thing - it means that you have learned to care more about others. If those people are worthy of your time, and are willing to hear you, try explaining to them why you feel the way you do.

War is not pretty. If you didn't know it before, you do now. Can it change people? Absolutely. It's up to you to decide if this is a positive or negative change.

Welcome Home! Glad you made it back!

Answer 3

It doesn't matter if you witnessed death or destruction, or if you were just in a 'back-office' supporting position - you undoubtedly had much closer contact to the horrors of war than most of the folks back home. Of course you've changed! Is that a good thing? It depends on your perspective.

If you are uncomfortable with how you feel, or how you act and/or react with others, then perhaps the change was not so good. If you respect and care about someone who believes you've changed, ask them to explain what they see is different. Try to understand how you've changed. I know (I was in the military) that seeking counseling is not always looked on favorably, but it's YOUR life you have to deal with. Professional counseling may be a worthwhile option to explore.

On the other hand, if you are more sensitive towards unkind, unthinking, or callous behavior from others, then maybe that's a good thing - it means that you have learned to care more about others. If those people are worthy of your time, and are willing to hear you, try explaining to them why you feel the way you do.

War is not pretty. If you didn't know it before, you do now. Can it change people? Absolutely. It's up to you to decide if this is a positive or negative change.

Welcome Home! Glad you made it back!

Answer 4

YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME and it is generally a GOOD thing if you kept your mentality together.

Irration is NORMAL because the WORLD does NOT have the disciple and focus that you have learned. They also do NOT understand "THE MISSION", FEAR, need to know orders and all the rest.

I went to a thing with fireworks that were going off directly overhead and started to sweat like a pig. My wife didn't understand why. When I hear a loud noise I have to KEEP myself from dropping. I HATE to be startled because I still REACT. I have always had dogs because they give me a heads up before someone comes up behind me un-announced.

The training has served me well in business; the discipline, focus and mission completion mentality has been invaluable.

When I got back I could only sleep for 3 hours in 20 minute stretches and EVERYBODY knew NOT to touch me; they did it once and I scared the SH** out of them.

It has been almost 40 years and I have a GREAT career. I can walk in ANY neighborhood and feel safe. I guess that it the way we ALL WALK and the PROUDNESS of SERVING OUR COUNTRY forms an aura that says, "DO NOT F*** with ME!

THANKS FOR SERVING and I SALUTE YOU!

If you are having trouble finding a career in The World, drop an email and I will see what I can do.

J
Nam in country
USN 1964-1968
"Honorary" Marine Corps DI

Answer 5

Change should be expected as you grow, let alone being in a war time situation.
The only thing that makes me pause in ending here is the "I get irritated really easy" part. If this is to the point that your are hearing this over and over again as a description of what is causing people to make remarks, maybe you should examine this a little closer.
One thing I have figured out in my time is "To thy own self be true". If everyone is making a claim that something is happening with me and they are concerned, it is time for me to reflect on why they are saying it.
Look at it this way: If everyone was saying "you have spinach in your teeth", you would go look in the mirror and remove it, right?
It may not be spinach, but a trigger temper may be evidence of issues that could really wreck havock on your personal relationships. (AND THEY DON'T CLEAR UP BY THEMSELVES!)
From one Vet to another: Thank you for your service to our country. Now take some time out to take care of yourself.

Answer 6

Your family just doesn't understand.

While you were gone, their routine remained unchanged for the most part. They were able to do all the things they normally do in their normal environment.

They don't understand what Iraq was like and that you've changed due to your experiences. When they say, "you changed", tell them, "yes, I have." It happens when people are away - even with people who've not been to Iraq who've been away from their families for an extended period of time and experienced things that the average person does not.

Answer 7

they don't understand what it's like over there.

they've been living their lives while you were gone, and now that you're back, they're happy, and expect things to return to normal. they don't understand why you've changed a little bit. they just see it as you're back, everything is right now.

explain things to them. talk to them about what it was like every day, and some of the reasons that you're more 'irritable'

i hope to god i don't change too much when i get back from the sandbox, (haven't been there yet) but i know it's inevitable.. and yes.. it's expected.

props on serving your country.

Answer 8

Do you(get irritated easy)??
Maybe they just are trying to get to know the new you. In general no one likes change...especially in those we care about. They are probably insecure and just want you to reassure them that you still care.
P.S. Thank you for your service.

Answer 9

no, ur attitude has changed ur still the person u were be4 u went just decide what u want to be changing ur attitude, personality or life outlook can be influenced by anything but is ultimately decided by u.

ps thank u and god bless

Answer 10

Mybe they didnt think the military was going 2 change you,and didnt know what you would have been through or seen.