Culturally Catholic Boyfriend?

Question

I've been a serious Episcopalian most of my life, and find it is a huge part of my life. I attend church every sunday, participate in events, and am an officer in my campus ministry.

My boyfriend on the other hand doesn't like to attend church with me because he is 'Catholic'. However, he never attends his church, has no qualms with pre-marital sex/birth control, isn't especially opinionated about abortion, and doesn't believe in confession. Maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I think he is more 'culturally catholic' than actually catholic. For example, his grandmother is extremely catholic, and his father (who recently passed away) was as well.

The most disturbing thing I have found about his family is that his grandmother calls those not Catholic in his family 'brainwashed'. I feel as if it is a way to please the grandparents. My main concern is that I refuse to get married in the Catholic church, and I want him to know how important my religion is to me. What should I do?

Although similar, there are huge differences between Catholicism and Episcopalianism. Namely: confession, marriage requirements, political openness to gays/lesbians, and differences regarding the trinity/focus of religion (Virgin Mary vs. Jesus). All very important things if you ask me.

Answer 1

Pastor Billy says: with over 1 billion adherents to the Catholic Christian faith you're going to get some protesters heck darling how do you think Episcopalians got started nevermind their Anglican forefathers. Your boyfriend is what is called a 'nominal Catholic' something less than cafeteria Catholic, he is not practicing his faith. As he has been baptized a Christian he still refers to himself as a Catholic as does his family. God however, will be the final judge of our salvation and Catholics understand sinners and saints are jointed unto the end means in the Church not just the Church against the world.

Reasons for your boyfriend not living his faith could be a variety of things, poor instruction, secular athetist influence at school, plain old laziness or lack of your influence re: the sex issues.

Obviously one thing is clear he knows enough to understand your community is not the Church created by Jesus. Based on your opening remark of " I refuse to get married in the Catholic church" I can see why the grandmother uses the word "brainwashing" you are so affirmative in your own position I'd have to believe you've never investigated Catholicism with an openmind and have fallen for all the typical propaganda story told over the last 500 years in Protestant circles.


Your boyfriends views on abortion and pre-martial sex as well as birth control are not the views of the Catholic Church please examine the Catholic catechism for a more lengthly answer.

you can goto http://www.vatican.va

Finally, it takes two to tango so are you obstaining from sex and being a good influence? If not both of you are sinning just like the Catholic Church teaches.

BTW the Catholic Church is the largest non-state organization (if we can call it that) offering help to gays and lesbians affected by Aids. The Catholic Church does instruct the homosexual lifestyle is a sin if that is your dislike well than I don't think you'll ever get married. Oh and this Virign Mary vs Jesus thing drop it, that doesn't exist. Catholics never replace Jesus with Mary, never reduce Jesus below Mary, are never instructed to see Mary as God. The Holy Trinity is a Catholic doctrine still adhered to by the majority of Episcopalians and Protestants so don't assume such silliness when you view externals like images. Ask yourself this question, do I know the heart of others to assume what I assume? The Catholic Church teaches we should honor Mary and that her purpose is to direct us all to her son Jesus, there is no Mary vs Jesus as you describe it and I'm offended by your portrayal.

Answer 2

I'm not feeling too good about your situation. Given that he doesn't seem to care all that much about Catholic values - at the moment - he could suddenly "wake up" and come to the light.

You are a devout Episcopalian. Nothing wrong with that. But think of the difficulties inherent in your relationship if your boyfriend does eventually come around seeks an interest in Catholicism. If you think things are complicated now, wait until he starts taking in interest in the Catholic Faith.

If you want him to take your Episcopalian faith seriously, you must be ready and willing to allow your boyfriend to seek God through Catholicism, if and when he so chooses to do so in the future.

Marriages ONLY work when there is a fair 'give and take'. It is WRONG of you to demand respect for your Episcopalian faith when you so clearly have no intention of respecting his Catholic faith, i.e. you are totally unwilling to get married in a Catholic Church.

Your boyfriend needs to acknowledge how important your faith is to you - but you mst do the same for him.

NEVER get in the way of someone seeking Christ. We all have our own roads to travel down. Your's is the Episcopalian way, his will be the Catholic way.

Answer 3

I understand that you want him to go to your church and your religion is a huge part of your life. You have to understand that just because he is Catholic and doesnt do any of the Catholic stuff or strongly believe in it doenst mean you should expect him to go to your church. He is probably not as religious as you. If he was a Episcopalian he would probably not be very devout there either. If you love him you love him for who he is and thats not as religious as you. You cant expect him to. You have to take him as he is and if you cant you need to let him go. People can change but you cant expect them to. Im Catholic too and Im not fully into it either but my family is very into it. My wife is Baptist. She understands that I dont believe in what she does and I understand she doesnt wanna be Catholic. We let each other do what the other thinks is right. I do go to church with her sometimes and its really hard to stay awake. She goes with me and my family sometimes and Im sure she is as bord as Im am. Its just a matter of respecting your boyfriend and not only loving him if he does what you want. This actually is what relationships are about. Your never going to find someone that is just like you. On the flip side you should try to find somone that has a lot in common with you because it makes it alot easier. You have to decide if its really important for your future husband to be the same religion as you or go to church on Sunday with you, or if you dont really care and you can live with him being a "Catholic".
Only you know.

Answer 4

I grew up in a "Catholic" family and my fiance did as well. We will not get married in a church because we do not believe that Christianity (or any organized religion) is a positive force in the world. His grandparents are devout Catholics and we don't talk about our beliefs with them, and try to respect theirs.

Don't worry about what his grandmother thinks. Just respect her and agree to disagree.

If he doesn't have strong ties to his religion and you do, he probably won't mind getting married in your Church. Just don't try to change anybody's mind, and remember - this is about love and family, not church.

(By the way, what does your church say about "non-believers"? Don't judge, it's the worst and most ironic thing about many Christians if you ask me).

Answer 5

He doesn't seem to religious, how about you attend CAtholic Services with him and he can also attend some at your church, maybe this way, both of you can find common ground and find a compromise. Maybe you should give the CAtholic Church a chance, it will allow you to explore new things and omit any falsehoods you've heard about Catholics.

Answer 6

You should find Jesus first-not the Episcopal church. Then find a new b/f. One that has also found Jesus. There is as much different in a Christian (born again) and a religious person as there is in night and day. Being a part of a church is absolutely useless without Jesus.

Answer 7

Your boyfriend sounds like most Catholics that I know--and my entire family up to sixth cousins on both sides is Catholic.

If you don't like his level of adherence to Catholic dogma, and don't want to get married in his church, why not let him go so some other girl can get lucky?

It seems he may be too laid back or individualistic for you.

Answer 8

Episcopalian and Catholic? Somehow, I think you'll find a way to compromise...

Answer 9

>>What should I do?<<

Break up with him. He needs a Catholic girlfriend, and you need an Episcopalian boyfriend.

Answer 10

Well, they're only fair game if they want to play... I'm guessing they maybe don't want to play with you. "On Friday and Saturday nights,me and my boys creep on any chick thats hot in da club" a step away from gang bangin... nice Edit: I have nothing to prove.